Nearly FMLs

By sexless - 26/06/2016 03:39 - United States - Wilsonville

Today, my girlfriend told me that she believes we need to have a less sexualized relationship "in order for us to really work out" we've had sex twice in the six months we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 49

By AccidentProne - 26/06/2016 03:38 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I had my 3 month evaluation at my job. I was docked points because I "lack a sense of urgency," meaning I walk too slow. I limp because of a bum leg and would literally trip over my own feet if I walked any faster. My boss admitted to having noticed this but still docked points anyway. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 36

By Whatislife - 26/06/2016 03:01 - United States - Troy

Today, I was taking a picture for my girlfriend on her phone when a message from another guy popped up and said "So when can I make my move?" Turns out she was talking to him for months behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 49

By Rayne - 26/06/2016 01:26 - United States - Cincinnati

Today I told my husband I may have cancer. His response was, "Where do you want to be buried and how much life insurance do you have? FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 48

By itsnotmylife - 26/06/2016 01:23 - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, my cousin held open the glass door for me and I quickly proceeded to enter it, when he slammed it in my face saying "expectation always leads to disappointment" and walked away laughing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 35

By whathappened - 26/06/2016 01:12 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my friend agreed to dye my hair brown and blonde. Now, 5 hours, 5 boxes of hair dye and roughly $60 later, my hair is not only not brown nor blonde, but I look like I let a 5 year old dye my hair, and I resemble a pumpkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 43

By prostate before all - 26/06/2016 00:57 - United States - Jamaica Plain

Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I stood up to wipe myself only to discover my legs were numb and fell forward thru the door and almost on my face on the floor in front of several co-workers including my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 26/06/2016 00:05 - United States - Saugus

Today, I had a consultation with a podiatrist about my ingrown toenails. He casually offered to clip them while I was there to take some of the pressure off until I could have them surgically corrected. I only found out afterwards that he marked it down as an operation and billed me as such. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 20

By horriblelife3006 - 25/06/2016 23:40 - Singapore - Singapore

Today,a woman began screaming at me for 15 minutes at the restaurant I work at. The reason why? I served her a plate of leaves. She ordered a plain salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 22

By allouttaluck - 25/06/2016 23:15 - Canada - Cochrane

Today, after months of planning & asking her father permission, I proposed to my girlfriend of five years.She burst out in tears. Thrilled it was a yes, I put the ring on her finger, stood up to kiss her, when she told me she had been sleeping with her best friend, Amy. I guess thats a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 14

By wowbuddy - 25/06/2016 22:53 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was looking forward to swimming for the entire day. As soon as I finally got in the water, my dog decided he would join me. I currently have three deep scratches on my scalp where he peeled my skin away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 20

By hospitaljunky - 25/06/2016 21:36 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I just got home from the hospital after being admitted for a month for spinal surgery. I decided to take a nap in my own bed so I can finally have a good rest. As I lay down, a large spider crawls up and bites my arm. Guess where I am again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 14

By cousin lovin' - 25/06/2016 20:59 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after getting a physical done for my males soccer team I'd gotten McDonald's. I was on a diet and felt bad so I called my boyfriend, I told him I cheated on my diet but he cut me off on cheated and said he's glad because he's been doing it for the past year. With my cousin. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 33

By BenFiggy - 25/06/2016 20:40 - United States - Vicksburg

Today, I overheard a house renter in his 20's at the house next door to mine telling a story about a hand job he was given. I guess my 4 year old son heard, and now he won't stop saying "And then I came all over her face!" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 20

By Welp - 25/06/2016 19:56

Today, my husband decided to file for divorce because in his dream, I cheated on him with some stranger. We've been married for over 2 years, and I've been loyal to him since day one.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 21

By Scotth901 - 25/06/2016 04:53 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, my film teacher blatantly accused me of plagiarism of the phrase, "Over the stormy sea." After meeting with the principle, I was confident that nothing would come of it, as 4 words are not enough. Guess who just had a major incident report put on his permanent record for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 109

By barbs - 25/06/2016 04:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend who lives with me tells me he's going to stay with his baby's mom for a week including his birthday... Apparently she's three and a half weeks pregnant. We've been dating for six months FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 49

By really - 25/06/2016 04:41 - United States

Today, I saved up enough money to get my phone fixed because the screen had broke. Excited leaving the store my little brother thought it would be funny to throw phone against the ground. He then ran back and high fives my mom who was video taping it all. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 38

By bunyan67 - 25/06/2016 04:40 - United States - Chanhassen

Today, I fell. Twice. Once tripping over a tennis ball and spraining my wrist, and then again walking down the stairs holding a bowl of popcorn when I tripped over my foot and tumbled down the stairs spraining my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 67

By EmaeK - 25/06/2016 04:29 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I went to a tanning salon owned by one of my associates families. As I was leaving, the owner handed me my vibrator that I accidentally left at my last visit and personally gave me his daughters two week notice. Now I have to find a new tanner and a new associate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 101

By TrebleMajor - 25/06/2016 04:22 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I was playing video games in the dark and drinking soda during the slow periods. When I took a sip of my soda, I felt something solid and moving in my mouth and I immediately spat it out. It was an earwig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 04:11 - United States

Today, I'm on vacation with my boyfriend and his family. I got up to use the bathroom during the night and ended up cloging the toilet. My boyfriend can't stop laughing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 62

By alwayscomplain - 25/06/2016 04:08 - United States - Brockton

Today, while looking for pants to fit over my cast from a broken leg the drawer of my dresser flew out and fell on the other foot and broke it and 2 toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 40

By RadioHead - 25/06/2016 03:51 - United States - Creedmoor

Today, I was driving home from a long shift at work. Being as tired as I was I turned up my radio to keep me awake. I ended up being pulled over because "Anyone listening to music that loud is under some type of influence."

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 35

By laurentaylor43 - 25/06/2016 03:45 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I had surgery to remove a kidney stone that was causing horrible pain. They couldn't reach it, so instead put in a stent. Now every time I use the restroom, it feels like I'm peeing a million tiny knives, immediately followed by cramping that feels like the hulk is ripping my insides out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 17

By MDaemonM - 25/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I had to "bike" 3 miles in 98 degree weather.... and this usually wouldn't be a problem, seeing as how I do it every day. but today my pedal broke off about 1/4 mile in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 9

By confused - 25/06/2016 03:09 - New Zealand

Today, at my minimum wage job stacking supermarket shelves, a male customer wearing feminine clothing was being harassed by a large group of rowdy men. Both my department manager and the store manager were nearby. I had to approach them because no one else would. Faith in humanity -9000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 21

By ilikecheesefries - 25/06/2016 03:04 - United States - Scranton

Today, I took my mother to a local diner for breakfast where she asked the waitress for a blue waffle. I then had to explain what a 'blue waffle' was and why the waitress had a terrified look on her face. She thought it was a shorter way of asking for blueberry waffles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 25

By I think I saw the devil - 25/06/2016 02:56 - United States - Warminster

Today, I learned that the codeine prescribed for my severe bronchitis occasionally causes hallucinations. The doctor said it would help me sleep through the night, but it's hard to sleep when the shadows on my ceiling are coming to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 02:53 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I had to be cut out of a baby swing by the fire department at a playground. I'm 73. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 65

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 960

You deserved it 3 080

Today, after years of study and hard work, I fulfilled my long time dream of becoming a neurologist. Too bad it took me so long to figure out I absolutely hate working in a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 137

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 8 807

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 320

You deserved it 4 394

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 863

You deserved it 13 711

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 423

You deserved it 5 538