Nearly FMLs

By Stevie - 28/06/2016 03:44 - United States - Southfield

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he never wanted to get married again. I told him in the first year my dream was to be married. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 40

By I'm not the only one who's butthurt - 28/06/2016 03:29 - United States - Genoa City

Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my girlfriend opened the package on my desk. She thought I got a gift for her, it was my hemorrhoid cream refill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 34

By PainInTheAsss - 28/06/2016 02:27 - United States - Charles Town

Today, I was fired over the phone for calling in sick for the fifth day in a row. I thought I had made it very clear to my boss that recovering from a kidney transplant is not an easy process.

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 28/06/2016 02:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friend invited my sister to come and play trivia with us at a pub. My sister got pissed that two people she didn't know, but are friends of mine, played with us. She acted miserable and rude the whole time and then complained about it in the car. She also complains she needs friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 25

By Kateaston21 - 28/06/2016 02:03 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, my boyfriend and I had an argument. He said he doesn't know if we are meant to be together. We've been together for 6 years, have 2 kids and are purchasing our first house next weekend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 37

By Kitten_love - 28/06/2016 01:31 - United States - Ames

Today, I woke with a hangover, four missed calls, and several texts from my family. Thinking something was wrong, I immediately called back. Now, it is my job to write my sister's sociology paper. I have 5 hours. If I don't write it, I face screaming that I don't have the capacity to deal with. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 28/06/2016 01:18 - Peru - Lima

Today, after finally learning to love my nose, my aunt gave me a list of plastic surgeons to check out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 26

By anonymous - 28/06/2016 00:54 - United States - Memphis

Today, my sister has called my dog Psycho so many times, she refuses to respond to her real name.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 21

By Dragon_Ruler - 28/06/2016 00:13 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, after not seeing my grandmother for over twelve years, I went to visit her today. After driving five hours to see her I knocked in the door. When she opened it she looked me dead in the eyes, told me to go die in a hole, and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 32

By carless - 28/06/2016 00:08 - United States - Gadsden

Today, after having just got my car back from the mechanic I got stuck on the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere because my car started overheating and all fluids started boiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 12

By gamerlaura - 27/06/2016 23:57 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I decided to try a new brand of Wax Strips. Shortly after testing one strip on my arm I took a severe allergic reaction to it and now my arm looks like something out of Cabin Fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 14

By badxluckxcentral - 27/06/2016 22:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to two roaches having sex next to me on my pillow FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 17

By Sadlife7 - 27/06/2016 22:03

Today, I made fun of my girlfriend's hair by saying she was my little peacock. She instantly shot back "You're dick is my little peacock" FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 66

By Unlucky - 27/06/2016 17:25 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, I was texting my girlfriend. I went to reply to her message and somehow accidentally deleted our conversation. My parents regularly go through my phone and noticed the missing texts. They won't believe that we weren't sexting. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 67

By GoShitInYourHand - 27/06/2016 17:10 - United States

Today, locked out of my house for hours, I had to shit so badly that I found myself squatting under my front porch, shitting into a piece of loose leaf paper, and just praying that my outdoors-loving neighbors couldn't see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 49

By ThrottleJockey - 27/06/2016 14:52 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I was making passionate love with a beautiful woman. The bad part was that the woman wasn't my wife, the woman was a leading member of our Bible study group and a good friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 79

By beth - 27/06/2016 14:46 - United States

Today, at my first day at a new babysitting job, the little girl spilled dark red nail polish on a white rug. Nothing can get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 40

By yesthishappened - 27/06/2016 13:55 - Spain - Vigo

Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until I woke up fully later that I realized that I had been watching a movie with my whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 81

By murtato - 27/06/2016 13:10 - Cyprus

Today, my little cousin that's sleeping over tried to reenact the game "Elsa brain surgery" with me while I was asleep. I now have a bald patch and a huge bleeding gash from where she rammed a pizza cutter into my skull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 34

By Nebula - 27/06/2016 06:30 - United States - Vassar

Today, I was left by my girlfriend of 3 years because I was over-jealous of her male friend because they would hang out all the time. They are now dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 95

By Sadness - 27/06/2016 04:23 - United States - Westbrook

Today, I am so desperate I asked my crush for relationship advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 63

By never trust family - 27/06/2016 00:27 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, at my shop my nephew proudly told me he had just sold thousands of pounds of merchandise. I was proud of him, for 3 seconds, when I realised he was completely drunk. I actually cried when I checked the register and found he let the customer pay with a post-it note with a big smiley face FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 55

By itdummy - 26/06/2016 23:37 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I spent half an hour trying to get a program to work on my computer. I had accidentally downloaded the mac version instead of windows. I have an IT degree and work in IT. My husband, who fixed it, will never let me forget he has no degree but is always the one to fix my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 90

By ConfusedFiancee - 26/06/2016 22:50 - Australia - Corio

Today, I had a dream about my former crush in which he admitted he'd always loved me. It felt so real that when I got woken up by my fiance I was actually disappointed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 102

By burnttoast - 26/06/2016 22:18 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, after walking home from school for 3 years in the hot, Texas sun, I saw my "friend" getting dropped off by a bus just in front of my house. This is the same friend that said there was no bus route to our area and that he rode his bike home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 43

By The_Dork_Knight - 26/06/2016 18:34 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, I was hit on by a homeless woman at work. She asked my coworker and I for $18 so she could get a motel and shower for the first time in awhile. After we said we didn't have any cash she told me I'm very cute and walked out. She's the first woman to hit on me face-to-face in over 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 42

By wondermoose - 26/06/2016 07:31 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my mom told me she'd like for me to start paying her monthly for the time I lived with her and supported me. I moved out three years ago when I turned 18. She wants me to pay her back for being a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 129

By ? - 26/06/2016 07:28 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I decided to put my hair in a bunch of braids so it would be wavy in the morning. I wake up to find that my cat, who sleeps on my bed, played with my hair over night and broke the hair ties and left me with half wavy hair, I'm running late and can't find my straightener or hair ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 100

By cantevenanymore - 26/06/2016 06:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was making pancakes at 2am and dancing around the house to music...my very religious neighbours called the police and a priest (yes a priest) because they thought I was being possessed by demons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 86

By neirbanian97 - 26/06/2016 04:35 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight of stairs he drops it to answer a call leaving me to hold up the solid oak table. I ended up having to let go. Needless to say the table went tumbling down and now he wants $700 for a new one. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 55

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The Top

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 796

You deserved it 4 565

Today, I realized that I've been using the wrong name for a coworker for the past 6 months. I just found out their real name when I saw their name tag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 765

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 412

You deserved it 18 023

Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 92

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 116

You deserved it 4 666

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 734

You deserved it 32 681