Nearly FMLs

By fireass - 01/02/2017 12:24 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I looked at the container of lotion I have been using to treat my itchy, irritated and burning skin. Turns out it has peanut oil in it. Peanuts give me an itchy rash. No wonder it feels like I am sitting on a fire. Yep, I've been putting it on my asshole. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 189

By nananananana - 01/02/2017 10:13 - United States - Waynesville

Today, a dear friend of mine got mad at me for not supporting her during a hard time. Her hard time? She bullied a kid into suicide... But I'm the bad guy for refusing to associate with her anymore FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 34

By Timetoclosemyfbaccount - 01/02/2017 08:24 - United States - Portland

Today, I realized I have a Facebook problem. When I get overwhelmed in thought while working on my computer, my instinct is to open Facebook and zone out. While handwriting a to-do list? You guessed it. I started writing "Facebook" out when I paused to think about my next task. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 130

By Onlysaneman - 31/01/2017 18:00 - Israel

Today, I was reprimanded by my supervisor for leaving the work area unattended. I left the area, while he was present, to complete a task he had previously instructed me to do. The area was only left "unattended" because he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 653

You deserved it 414

It's high school all over again

By Targeted - 31/01/2017 16:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally made a good friend at work. My boss has given me a file note saying my friend and I are not to have our lunch break together. Apparently, others feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 187

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 31/01/2017 02:00 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, today my coworker with no talent finally stopped singing around the office because she has a cold. Now she clears her throat loudly and snorts, trying clear her nose every few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 679

You deserved it 475

By Ugly shopgoer - 29/01/2017 21:09 - United States - Warren

Today, while in the checkout aisle at the grocery store an adorable baby stared at me for roughly twenty seconds and then started screaming. I have a face that scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 72

By still my best friend - 29/01/2017 05:18 - United States - San Diego

Today, I told my dog he was adopted. He bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 262

By Flu - 28/01/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend told me not to come over to stay the night because I'm sick with the flu. He's the one who gave it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 618

You deserved it 860

By Anonymous - 28/01/2017 13:10 - United States - West Columbia

Today, a couple of regulars who everyone hates waiting on came into the restaurant when we were slammed. They sat at the only dirty table in my section and demanded to be served immediately. To top it off they took the tip off the table claiming it was theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 14:00

Today, my boyfriend told me to come over so we could spend the night together. He called when I was almost there, telling me he was going bowling with friends. He said he'd be back in 2 hours and that I could stay at his house until he got home. Its been 5 hours and he won't answer his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 705

You deserved it 693

By JRG - 27/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out that my wife has been using her vibrator almost every day. We haven't done anything intimate in 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 837

You deserved it 1 196

By Donwon - 26/01/2017 20:00

Today, I still haven't gotten my 2015 tax return. After months of hassle and 40+ hours of work, I finally found my mistake. How far off was I? A mere $29. At least the IRS is thorough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 441

You deserved it 639

By no it's not - 25/01/2017 22:19 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I finally told my mother that I have severe depression. Her response was "Well, it's probably because you have such a messy room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 61

By dunnoifitsworthit - 25/01/2017 09:34 - Canada - Vancouver

Today was my birthday, my boyfriend took me out to see a movie I didn't want to watch and we had dinner at a fast food restaurant. For his last birthday, I got him a $200 knife and took him out to a fine dining restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 75

By PhoenixChick - 25/01/2017 07:02

Today, it's my 35th birthday. Today I'm also going to a job interview as a housekeeper for a wealthy couple who went to the same college I did. And I'll be lucky if I get the job. 21-year-old me did not see this future coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 115

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 22/01/2017 12:00

Today, I am losing my dental insurance. I actually had the thought that I know lots of people lacking teeth that still seem happy, accepting the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 766

You deserved it 534

By stressedbride - 22/01/2017 08:00

Today, I got a call from the tailor I asked to alter my wedding dress a month ago. She's sick in the hospital and will be unable to do my dress. My wedding is in 25 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 193

You deserved it 877

By Anonymous - 21/01/2017 18:00

Today, I had a fight with my sister, who lives with me. The reason? She demanded that I made her a steak pie at 9pm, after she had already eaten dinner. She's 20 and has been crying in her room ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 444

You deserved it 600

By Aurora - 20/01/2017 20:00

Today, I missed a meeting for a show that I am performing in. I worked for months on my piece before the audition, and was ecstatic when I found out I was accepted. Yet, because this meeting slipped my mind, a final list of the acts has already been put together and I am not on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 7 516

By Anon - 20/01/2017 17:49 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, like everyday since Monday, I have tonsillitis and a chest infection. I sneezed and got blood all over my pillow, enraging my cat so much that she scratched me in her haste to run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 20/01/2017 09:08 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I loaded up one of my favorite apps to read some colorful stories and experiences only to find that the only things that actually works on it anymore are the incredibly annoying ads. What is this app you ask? FML..

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 62

By thatonebikeguy21 - 20/01/2017 08:03 - United States - Topeka

Today my girlfriend broke up with me the day after I took her out on our first and only date, I had to build up my confidence for years to ask her out and it ended with a text. So long confidence it was nice knowing you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 95

By angry bartender - 20/01/2017 07:54 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, while serving a table I was asked if the vodka cranberry cocktail this lady ordered was an actually vodka cranberry cocktail. Of course I said yes. She then pushes it away and tells me she's allergic to gin and she can't tell the difference. I know 100% it was vodka. I made it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 20/01/2017 06:28 - United States - Hotchkiss

Today, the new girl sat next to me in English. Yesterday I turned 16, but my friends and I joked I was turning 10. She must've misheard us, because she, being dead serious, asked if I was 12. The whole class started laughing. The worst part? I'm average size and the girl asking is 4'3''. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 49

By Kelps - 20/01/2017 06:18 - United States - Malden

Today is my birthday, it's also Trump's inauguration. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 180

By Mr Stinky - 20/01/2017 06:17 - Australia - Granville

Today, while on my way home from work, this guy sat in front of me on the train and he smelt soooo bad. It's peak hour and there are no other seats on this train. Oh and to top it off, the train has stopped due to a red light signal, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 36

By Everyone - 20/01/2017 06:13 - Australia - Petersham

Today, Donald Trump becomes President. FM(and all our)L

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 216

By Anon - 20/01/2017 05:53 - Australia

Today, i saw a sonogram of my pregnant child and found out that it belonged to my boyfriend's dad FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 472

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 820

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 237

You deserved it 8 429

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 978

You deserved it 2 011

Today, I met a really hot chick while waiting for the bus. We spoke for 4 hours till we got to our destination. She hugged me and we parted ways. Later that day I realised she stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 242

You deserved it 4 261

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 272

Today, I joined the wrong Zoom link for a meeting. Instead of a marketing presentation, I landed in a virtual baby shower. People in the chat clapped when I showed up, so I just waved, panicked, and said, “It’s a girl!” before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 355