Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 01:46

Today, i was making out with my boyfriend on a adventures walk in the woods. my we started to get heated when he stopped leaned over a log a vomited... then proceeded to stand back up smile and ask me, "we can keep going if u want" FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 23

By DragonZlay - 17/01/2017 00:40

Today I got my braces on after postponing them for so long. As soon as I got back to my house, 3 of them fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 23

By FuckingDobermans - 17/01/2017 00:18

Today, I get to start a nine days stretch of watching my mother's 7 large breed dogs. She is going on vacation. Which I actually got time off work to go with them. She doesn't want to pay a kennel to watch them.

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 12

By blackhawk63 - 16/01/2017 23:30

Today, I lived my life knowing my dad had other kids. To this point I thought I only had 4 siblings, 1 from my mom 3 from my dad. Over the past 24 hours I'm now up to 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 16

By mommyofalittlemiss - 16/01/2017 23:19

Today, while sitting at home taking care of my 2 month old I decided I would just wear an oversized T shirt around the house and when I was done feeding my baby she threw up all 5oz of the milk I gave her and most of it landed in between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 25

By Simon - 16/01/2017 23:03

Today its been three months since I broke up with my girlfriend because she's moving. Little did I know her family would stay until the house is sold so I still see her when I'm out with friends and its awkward as heck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 164

By I_Hate_Everything - 16/01/2017 21:22

Today, I'm going to puke for the second time today at University as soon as I stand and walk for a bit. My choices are a compost bin and the women's bathroom. There'll be witnesses either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 21:18

Today, Friday the 13th, I came home to find my home burglarized with all my major electronics and a hard drive wth irreplaceable pictures on it missing. I've lived here 3 weeks... only 49 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 12

By Turtle - 16/01/2017 20:57

Today, I went to the ER for right testicle pain and problems. After some tests and things, I get to have the left one removed for a "Dark Spot" later this month. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 15

By Turtle - 16/01/2017 20:54

Today, I had to wait for my wonderful gf to bring me breakfast in bed....After work at 2pm, because I sneezed and a muscle spasm kept me in bed, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 17

By TechnologyDork - 16/01/2017 19:39

Today, I took a screenshot of my FitBit notification exclaiming my friend was on my tail. Finding this a little humorous, I posted on Fb that I like when she's on my tail. 20 minutes later I get a message from a different friend saying that my sext had also been included in the screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 19:09

Today, a massive army of ants decided to rampage my delicious pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 23

By Passy McGassy - 16/01/2017 19:06

Today, but my burps smell like farts and my farts smell like death. I have no idea what I ate that caused this but someone is shadowing me at work all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 18:49

Today, the seemingly awesome girl whom I had a shitload in common with ignored me out of the blue and apparently doesn't remember any of our week long conversation. This is probably the hundredth time this has happened. I hate online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 18:34

Today, my girlfriend told me that drinking with her ex that still loves her is a good decision.

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 18:00

Today, my mother asked me why I was going to the bathroom. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 293

You deserved it 600

By so tired - 16/01/2017 17:52

Today, after complaining for months that I'm always exhausted, and my boyfriend saying that I'm lazy, he discovered that I have Sleep Apnea. Even though not too long ago, he said he would have noticed if I stopped breathing in my sleep.

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 17:39

Today, after buying a car for my brother inlaw and finally getting it on the road, the transmission blew in my truck and I dont have the money to fix it.

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 27

By Unpleasant surprise - 16/01/2017 17:24

Today, after flirting like crazy, I finally got the chance to hook up with this incredibly hot, incredibly ripped guy at my gym. Things were hot and heavy until we got naked and we're about to seal the deal. Guess the rumors about steroids and penis size are true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 16:21

Today, I got really high and started nodding my head to music. The reflection in the corner of my glasses was moving too. My high ass thought it was a ferret running toward me and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 15:35

Today, and like many times before, my sister used my razor. How do I know? It was full of red hair and she is the only ginger in the house. When I confronted her, she denied it. The only solution my parents gave me was for me to hide my razor when I am not using it and they won't punish her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 14:35

Today, my vacuum cleaner broke, I was in the process of super gluing it back together when I glued my hand to the vacuum! my husband, whom I thought was my knight an shinning armor, was laughing so hard he couldn't help me get it unstuck. fml

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 14:21

Today, my boyfriend and I haven't been able to 'do the deed' in a while because our schedules don't work out. While asleep, I had a dream where he began to dry hump me. My mom showed up and ruined the mood, proving that I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 11

By Lonelyme - 16/01/2017 13:29

Today, I realised that the reason I've been recently moving from sleeping on the edge of the bed, towards the wall, is so that it feels like someone else is there. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 14

By MrN - 16/01/2017 13:24

Today half through my lunch I found a dead wasp in my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 12:08

Today, I realized my soon to be leader of my country will both be; A: in charge of the country on my birthday, and B: cares more about their twitter account than the country said person will be in charge of running, FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 55

By Wheaty - 16/01/2017 11:15

Today I went to hospital. I'm allergic to wheat and have been eating it for 6 weeks, sometimes throwing it up and having to eat it again, all for my gastroscopy. Turned up, to be told it had been cancelled and they'd forgot to send me a letter. I've been waiting 6 months for this appointment. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 10:06

Today, I learned it's possible for a pimple to cause a headache. I can't get it to pop, and the headache won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 15

By HotChick - 16/01/2017 09:46

Today, I came into work and luckily someone had put the heating on. Unfortunately the only heater we've got is wall mounted and points directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 17

By Developmental - 16/01/2017 09:18

Today, I saw a job posting for my current position. Yet, my company haven't opened the position that they promised me a year ago. They're hiring my replacement and I don't know what will happen to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 17

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The Top

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 144

Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 4 842

Today, my wife helped herself to an energy drink at 7pm, because she "felt tired", and yelled at me when I told her not to. All night, all I heard was, "Babe, I can't sleep. I'm restless. Talk to me. Babe, you're sleeping and I feel lonely. Hey babe what are you thinking about? What's going through your head?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 73

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 75 103

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 145

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 298