Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 08:21 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, i realized just how bat shit crazy my boss is when she hugged me, slapped me, told me to fuck off, later on gave me a box of chocolate and started talking to the wall... FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 08:21 - South Africa - Krugersdorp

Today, I realised my self esteem is so low that I'm no longer included in my own dreams. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 13

By ash1738 - 18/01/2017 06:55 - United States - Huntsville

Today, none of my friends recognized my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 15

By SkooewRusa - 18/01/2017 06:38 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I recived an email inviting me to an online call for a course I thought was on campus. Half an hour after class started and trying to contact someone when I was the only one on, I found out the online link was only for distance students. There aren't even any in that class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 23

By fuckit - 18/01/2017 05:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to break up with me, via text, because he thought the man that was at my house was somebody who I was cheating with. it was my father... FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 20

By IWazup - 18/01/2017 05:18 - United States

Today, I went to the local gas station to buy a soda for $1.22. I paid in 9 dimes and 32 pennies and the clerk said that he's not counting it and that he doesn't have too and I have to do it. I counted the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 105

By Random person - 18/01/2017 04:39 - United States - Erlanger

Today, I got to see the guy who bullied me in high school. We decided to go to a bar so he could get drunk, then I said he could stay the night at my house. I was going to beat him up for payback, until he knocked me it cold because he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 314

By KevinShart - 18/01/2017 04:36 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I ran in front of my friends to get in the car after going out to eat. I tried to force out a fart before getting in the car. I ended sharting.No one noticed, I had to ride 30 minutes with it between my cheeks before I got to clean myself off.

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 04:33 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend telling me he's been cheating on me for 2 months and that he has a baby on the way... FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 33

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 04:27 - United States - Morganton

Today, i went to ask my friend with benefits to be my gf and she replied her boy friend wouldnt like her having another bf. does that make me a side piece? fml.

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 63

By Showerhead Frenzy - 18/01/2017 03:52 - United States - Collierville

Today, I tried to masterbate with the new showerhead I just bought. As I was almost ready to finish the shower curtain rod fell and knocked me in the head. Now I have a large bloody cut on my head and an inability to cum now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 61

By Not2nite - 18/01/2017 03:36 - United States - Northfield

Today my wife came home from a weekend with the girls while I stayed home with our 2 sons. It's been a long 4 days and I was looking forward to some "alone time" with my wife after getting home from a long day at work. I came home to the boys asleep in their beds! As well as my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 25

By theweirdantisocialgirl - 18/01/2017 02:41 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was in my car in a store parking lot waiting for someone. A woman and a little boy were getting into the car next to mine. The little boy for some reason pointed at me said "Mom! Somebody is waiting for you!" and the woman responded by saying "No, he's waiting for someone else." I'm a girl.

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 29

By NewYearNewCrush - 18/01/2017 02:16 - United States - Evansville

Today, I went to get my haircut after a year of letting it grow out out. Of course out of excitement I sent a picture of my new hair to the guy I like. He asked if I liked my new haircut and I said I loved it and asked if he liked it. He replied no.

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 31

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 01:40 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I showed the girl I've had a crush on a funny picture I took of my best friend, because they know each other. She looked at the picture, exhaled and said, "god, he is so hot!" there goes that sliver of hope that she was a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 30

By Strawnana - 18/01/2017 01:40 - United States - Annapolis

Today my boyfriend had medicine for an ingrown hair on his crotch. It made him photosensitive. He thought if he went outside he'd burn up like a vampire. I thought he was kidding so I opened the curtains, he ran into the bathroom and locked the door to protect himself from the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 31

By DUNKEN DONUT - 18/01/2017 01:38 - Canada - L?vis

Today, I was reading a book and used a little "Hooters" advertisement as my book marker. It slipped out and everybody on the bus was staring at it. Literally 5 people laughed at it and I tried my best to pick up the ticket with big breasted women on it without crying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 87

By Swiss - 18/01/2017 01:03 - United States - Weare

Today I tried asking out my crush with a letter , I had my best friend throw it to her. They've been dating for 3 weeks now .FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 59

By itchingchest - 18/01/2017 00:41 - United States - Germantown

Today, I went to the store to try colognes out and the only one I tried gave me a rash

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 14

By Bean head - 18/01/2017 00:24 - United States - Mineral Springs

Today, I situated my flaccid penis in class, there was a Mexican girl that saw my and she decided to tell The school how small it was FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 146

By cuckold - 18/01/2017 00:15 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I realized that no matter how strong my convictions are, my wife's nagging wins out every time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 31

By loveless - 17/01/2017 23:56 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my basement. Things were getting heated and her pants were undone. Just as I was starting to finger her, my mom came downstairs. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 60

By hateschool - 17/01/2017 23:37 - United States - Bronx

Today, my history teacher said I look like an "Irish gangster" so everyone would laugh. I told him that I'm not Irish. He said that I shouldn't have said anything because it was a joke. When I tried to speak, he gave me detention for "talking back". I just got detention for not being Irish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 23:20 - United States - Roseville

Today, after spending $60 on a new water pump (which was leaking) and coolant (I had to buy the $25 coolant because that was the only one that worked for my truck) I found out that I now have a crack in my radiator which caused all of the coolant to drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 15

By doodoo - 17/01/2017 23:16 - United States - Austin

Today was supposed to be my second day of a working job interview. Instead, after vomiting in front of everyone yesterday, I have spent today confined to within 10 feet of a toilet with diarrhea. I think this might be God's way of telling me I won't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 12

By ijustthrewupalittle - 17/01/2017 22:30 - United States - Vacaville

Today I watched as my new puppy ate my other dog's shit out of her butthole as she pooped. It never even touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 26

By fuck me - 17/01/2017 22:30 - United States - Toledo

Today, I accidentally sent my crush (who knows I like him and has a girlfriend) a meme saying he should fall in love with me. He doesn't believe it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 21:13 - United States - San Jose

Today, my friend sent me snapchats of him and his dad taking bong rips together. My parents just called me over to do a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 20:58 - United States - Southfield

Today, I got voted most obsessed with spiders for my school's yearbook. I'm terrified of spiders. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 28

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The Top

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 588

You deserved it 2 145

Today, I was staying in my family friend's house in France. The church bells ring every hour, which I thought was cute. Until 8 this morning where they rang 24 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 335

You deserved it 4 085

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 028

You deserved it 4 646

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 385

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 585

You deserved it 144

Today, I invited my mom over for lunch so we could discuss how she broke my trust while she last babysat for me, and that as a result she won’t be babysitting for a little while. She then yelled at me and told me I was being disrespectful and dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 137