Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 05:38

Today, like every day, I proposed to my group of friends that we should have a fun group activity. One person said they're busy and the rest didn't even respond. I saw my best friends twice this whole 5 week long winter break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 18

By Asshat - 15/01/2017 05:17

Today, I told my boyfriend about my Christmas party for work and that he is invited, with plenty of time to get the day off for him. His response was Why the fuck would I want to go to that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 19

By bdee - 15/01/2017 05:16

Today, I smoked weed out the window in my room (which I've done plenty of times), covered the space under the door, covered the heater so no smell goes through the vent and sprayed air freshener everywhere. My mom still smelled it in the other room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 370

By A sad boy - 15/01/2017 05:14

Today, my girlfriend, who is about to go to Europe for 6 months, told me she wants to/ and is going to have sex with my best friend. And how she'd much rather that be her last memory before she goes rather than see me.

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 14

By Pugsly - 15/01/2017 04:34

Today, my mom did nothing but talk about Manson and the documentary coming on. I asked her why she was talking to me about him and she said "well, don't you idolize him? You guys are so much alike except he didn't ignore his inside voices". I have schizophrenia & apparently she's very disappointed.

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 8

By siouxie - 15/01/2017 04:21

My boyfriend and I were in my parents' bathroom basically fooling around. My mom had apparently been outside the bathroom listening... He snuck out the window and when I left the bathroom my mom told me I shouldn't master bate with my fingers, I'll get carpal tunnel. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 94

By TooMuchOnion - 15/01/2017 02:32

Today, I realized how much I cook with onions. My bathroom towels and clothes have soaked up the smell. So no matter what I'll still smell like an onion.

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 38

By anonymous - 15/01/2017 01:17

Today, I finally decided to have anal sex with my boyfriend, halfway through he pulls out and says "Did you forget to wipe this morning?" It completely ruined the mood and we were both left unfinished

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 58

By coughingfit - 15/01/2017 00:30

Today, I've been coughing my guts out for the past week, it doesn't look like I'm gonna stop anytime soon, I have an interview on Monday, I'm too scared I'll end up throwing up on the interviewer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 13

By Vuil - 15/01/2017 00:18

Today while at lunch in school I got a bag of lays in the lunch line, only to open the bag to find a full rotten potato inside it, the smell was so bad my friend had to go home because she got sick. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 22:12

Today, I found out that healthcare.gov lied to me when buying insurance and I'm facing at least $100,000 in medical bills this year in surgeries that I need to live pain free. I lost my job a month ago, my unemployment hasn't come through yet, my tire went flat and I'm getting evicted Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 26

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 22:04

Today, one of my hair ties broke while I was at work. I can't work unless my hair's in a bun. Now I have to awkwardly stand around and wait for my mom to come with another hair tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 33

By iveseenitall - 14/01/2017 21:29

Today, As the opening manager of a restaurant, I learned that someone took a crap in the restroom the night before...in the middle of the floor.

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 21:10

Today, when I told my friend that my New Year's resolution was to be less of an asshole, he responded, "Is that even possible?" This was followed by him saying, "Nobody goes along with their resolutions anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 41

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 20:52

Today, I watched my best girl friend from college get married to the (perfect for her) third guy she's ever dated. My 14 relationships were all abusive and went down in catastrophic flames, and I'm still a spinster like Bridget Jones.

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 22

By Equality? - 14/01/2017 20:08

Today, I came home from work to find my girlfriend out front smashing the PS4 and all the games I personally paid out of pocket for with a hammer. Her reasoning? She didn't want me to be so "misogynistic" and then showed me videos online of what she was talking about. I hate Anita Sarkeesian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 25

By ashlwy - 14/01/2017 19:16

I've been seeing this guy for 7 years without having sex. He proposed in September and i said yes. We started having lots and lots of sex (cause we were supposed t be married in 5 months anyway) and I got pregnant. He took off to a different country. FMLLLLLLL

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 19:14

Today, my PTSD and random memory repression hit an all time low as I couldn't remember how old I am. after several minutes of trying, I had to look it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 17

By exhausted - 14/01/2017 18:21

Today, I was woken up earlier by a call from my boss asking me to come in 4 hours early to work a 12 hour shift. I'd gone to bed just a few hours earlier. Goodbye normal day, hello fighting like hell to stay awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 17:55

Today, I found out that I actually met my fiance before I thought I did at a party when I was blackout drunk. I pole dance and can't even remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 17:34

Today, I'm such an absent minded idiot I left my keys and wallet in my friends car and missed a job interview for a great job because I couldn't drive there.

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 16:49

Today, Friday the 13th started off well when I came home to a broken window and all of my major electronics, including a hard drive of irreplaceable pictures, burglarized from my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 13

By divorcedparents - 14/01/2017 16:00

Today, after a month of complaining that she doesn't see me enough, I spent the weekend at my mother's house. I got there, only to discover that the only food in the house is Lucky Charms, Coca-Cola and Bailey's. I'm not old enough to drink Bailey's and I hate Coca-Cola. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 851

You deserved it 1 077

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 15:33

Today, I got slapped by a 5 year old girl. I cried. I'll be 18 this year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 13:27

Today, I watched the boy I've been in love with since school marry one of my closest friends. Hardest thing I've had to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 45

By maani - 14/01/2017 09:24

Today, while at the beach, my friend went missing. 20 minutes had passed and she wasnt answering her calls so i decided to go look for her. I walked on hot concrete without shoes for about half an hour when i got a call. It was my friend, telling me she was just on the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 60

By Anonymous - 14/01/2017 08:50

Today, I finally got an after school job with good hours and pretty good pay. My mum wants me to quit before I even start because it's apparently too far away. This is the same woman who wanted to send me to America for a year for the exact same job.

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 12

By timslive - 14/01/2017 08:46

Today my flight from NY to CO was cancelled. Instead, A car service barely got me to Newark NJ where I almost missed my rebooked flight, I missed my connection in LA because my plane was late, I had to spend the night in the airport and had my 2 grand class ring stolen while I was sleeping FML.

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 39

By CooCoo - 14/01/2017 08:23

Today, I told my mother I'm going on a date with a girl I met recently. My mother got excited and started giving me tons of questions about her. Suddenly, my dad came into the room and asked me, if the girl knows I'm a gamer, because he doesn't want me to disappoint another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 37

By VendingMachine - 14/01/2017 07:55

Today, I paid $2 for a drink in a vending machine, the drink bounced off the glass on the front into the area below it, I never got my drink

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 17

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The Top

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 170

You deserved it 4 403

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 138

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 5 398

Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 494

You deserved it 3 201

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 528

You deserved it 20 551

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 334

You deserved it 7 510