Nearly FMLs

By fond of her booty - 17/01/2017 12:45 - United States - Edinburg

Today, i worked with the kids at my job as usual. my co-worker is very flirty but has a bad attitude with everyone but me. so one of the kids finally told her "you're rude with everyone but -----, is it cause you need some dick from him?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 27

By john - 17/01/2017 13:08 - United States - Brooklyn

Today my wife wanted to cut her hair short, she asked the stylist to cut it 10 inches, she cut it to 10mm (that's about 0.40 inch). FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 26

By Turnon - 17/01/2017 18:43

Today, after being at the beach I decided to shower in one of those quick rinse off poles on the street, Since I had class afterward. I ended up dirtier than before caked with sand and soap all because some guy decided to video tape me and jack off. I am now secretly a porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 18:37

Today, I realized how much physical activity I really don't do when I woke up with my arms sore from playing Wii Sports. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 18:20

Today, I got $200 from my parents for my birthday. Not even 5 minutes later I chipped my front tooth flossing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 22

By Anony - 17/01/2017 18:06

Today, being busy at work, I delayed going #2. Soon as I got a chance, I ran to restroom, to find it closed for cleaning. As I ran to the other bldg a terd came out and eventually fell out of my shorts in the hallway. I picked it up with my bare hand and made it to the bathroom. No one saw but FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 18:04

Today, My tires got slashed. The guy left a note that said, "fuck you, john". My name is mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 12

By MannB - 17/01/2017 17:12

Today, 2 groups of 3 decided to fight in my class today, you know it's the usual in highschool... the only problem is that I was in the seat between them, luckily I left school that day with only a broken arm and ripped out hair from them trying to get over me, FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 14

By notracist - 17/01/2017 17:05

Today, I got bitched out by a customer who accused me of being racist because I'm white and I did not say hi to him when he walked into the store. I work as a cashier at a dollar store.

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 20

By Anon - 17/01/2017 16:28

Today, I was two steps away from my class when the bell rang. My school has a new policy that if you're late to a class 4 times, you have to go to Saturday school. Ive been "late" because I have to walk from one end of my school to the other to make. The teacher still counts this as being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 44

By InterOfficeBond(age) - 17/01/2017 15:01

Today, I was attempting to show a colleague a file on my tablet, only to open the device to my most recently watched porn video. Something tells me that this isn't the 'team bonding' experience my boss has in mind.

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 170

By smarty pants - 17/01/2017 14:21

Today, I enrolled in my uni course, before realising I had to have a full immunisation schedule to do the course. I was never immunised as a kid because my parents thought I might die...I now have no idea if I can change preferences or get an exemption. No uni = may as well die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 35

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 14:12

Today, it's the 8 day of my trip in Europe with my university with the worst nickname ever. While telling a story about my cheerleading past, I was talking about being put on two teams and I said I was "double teamed." They've called me Double Team or DT ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 12:27

Today, at work, I got asked if I was a work experience student (normally aged 16). I'm 22 and graduated university - fully qualified to do my job

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 12:13

Today, I'm dating a guy who's back hair is longer than his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 47

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 10:45

Today, my toilet did a Mt St. Helens and pumped roughly 500L of raw sewage into my house. Down the hall into 2 bedrooms, under the walls AND down the heating vents. Insurance refuses to cover it as we "cancelled" that coverage (BULL). My family of 3 is now living with my mother. FML FML FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 14

By Shlex - 17/01/2017 09:04

Today, I was finishing a school project at 4 AM. Why? I was absent for recovery from my surgery and a project was assigned. My teacher emailed me to "remind" me to bring it in on my first day back. Now my mother thinks Im an insomniac and is sending me to therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 18

By MommyPam - 17/01/2017 08:18

Today, I checked the tracking for a birthday present that was coming for me and would be delivered in March which I didn't mind even though my birthday is in Jan. Only to discover that my husband put the shipping address wrong and there is no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 10

By Mama Wannabe - 17/01/2017 07:37

Today, like every day, I have baby fever like crazy. It's my one year checkup after having a hysterectomy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 34

By Ashamed - 17/01/2017 06:57

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, very loudly. My dad hadn't told us he was coming over so, of course we were not listening for his truck. We didn't know he was there until we heard him walk in the front door. It was too late, he heard everything, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 71

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 06:50

Today I asked my bestfriend if she was ready for school tomorrow. Her response was "I didn't know we had school don't we get a week off because it's Martin Lawrence Day or something." I NEED NEE FRIENDS. fml

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 44

By Min - 17/01/2017 06:46

Today I've just been informed by my wife that one of our kids has infected our house with bedbugs.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 20

By that_random_geek - 17/01/2017 05:00

Today we went to leave for a doctors appointment (late) only to find that the car battery was dead to the point that after AAA jump-started it, my mom had to get a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 17

By AwkwardCatholic - 17/01/2017 04:37

Today, the priest of my parish called me in to welcome our new deacon, since I'm an active community member. On the way, I honked at and flipped off a guy that was swerving and driving very slowly, and he flipped me off back. Guess who the new deacon is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 137

By pushover - 17/01/2017 04:13

Today my parents took the car from me, but I'm 18 and don't live with them anymore. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 03:51

Today, I was playing on my phone and talking to my brother when Google voice to text search came up for no reason I freaked out and said wtf is going on that's when it did a search for "college sex" FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 26

By smallone - 17/01/2017 03:30

Last night my fiance thought it would be funny to do small penis humiliation role play at a party while I was blacked out in front of everyone. when she told me what took place today she was genuinely surprised I was upset.

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 02:59

Today, I discovered that if tired enough, it is possible to fall asleep in the shower.

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 30

By Developmental - 17/01/2017 02:58

Today, I was feeling depressed because my promised promotion has yet to materialize when my boss called me so that he can reassign a task to me from a co-worker who can not finish it on time. My co-worker is several levels ahead of me. I was on the verge of tears, I wasn't even able to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 17/01/2017 01:51

Today, I made out with my girlfriend. I also ate mushrooms earlier. To top is all off, I forgot she is allergic. Guess who is in the ER waiting... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 102

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The Top

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 708

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 263

You deserved it 2 444

Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 170

Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 473

Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 064

You deserved it 3 098

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 18 803