Nearly FMLs

By HomelessJoe - 20/02/2017 11:56 - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today I became homeless. Somehow I got roped into helping the person who's taking my old place move in. I had to carry a mattress up 4 floors, she said thank you and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 62

By Brian - 20/02/2017 06:45 - United States - Idaho Falls

Today, it was my birthday. It started out pretty well but later I found out my mom made me cupcakes, just so I could learn that all my brothers had eaten the cupcakes within 10 minutes and no one even told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 15

By TiredMom - 20/02/2017 05:19 - United States - Grants Pass

Today, I had to tell my 20 month old for about the 7,459th time, to "Stop poking the cat in the butthole". I can't decide who I'm more upset with...my weirdo kid, or my whore cat who gives zero fucks. ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 37

Feeling old?

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 01:30 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, someone asked me what a landline is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 043

You deserved it 551

ASLGabby tells us more.

ASLGabby 9

Saturday 18 February 2017 23:45

OP here! I wasn't sure what category so I put kids. It was a senior in high school

By ohno - 19/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my partner scolded my son and reminded him to, "use his big boy words" after he compared his finger painting to a nebula. I married a doofus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 472

You deserved it 928

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I filled my car up at a gas station that I go to often. I went to pay inside, and when I went back to my car, a woman approached me and told me she'd backed into my car. The only thing she said in her defense was : "I never was good at backing up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 981

You deserved it 387

By Exhausted - 18/02/2017 15:05 - United States - Sharon

Today my boyfriend came home late at night from a week-long business trip. I was so exhausted I could barely wake up to say hi. After two hours of him trying to wake me up, I finally did. He then immediately fell asleep. I can't fall back to seep. It's been hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 07:44 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my room mate just recently became single. in her sadness I convinced her to use the same dating app I use. within a couple hours she already has a second date. I've been using it for a month and yet to get a guy to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 33

By sad person - 18/02/2017 06:28 - Canada - Barrie

Today, after years of being the best friend I could be, I stood up for myself when I felt bullied by my best friends boyfriend. My best friend freaked on me and said I never did anything for her. I literally did everything for her. I am pretty sure she thinks I'm a door mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 35

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 03:10 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got a call from a police officer informing me that my oldest son had shot my daughter with a pellet gun. accidentally but still. Took one stitch to close up the hole. thought for sure the Ministry would be coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 35

By sleepy - 18/02/2017 02:51 - United States - New York

Today, I am sleepy. Why? At 3am, my son woke me up screaming from a nightmare. When I went to comfort him, he just kept crying, "chicken drumsticks. chicken DRUMSTICKS!" Forget zombies, it's the chicken drumstick apocalypse. Duck! FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 28

By baggy eyes - 18/02/2017 02:32 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I talked to my husband about his constant nightly snoring. I can't sleep. I brought up corrective measures we could try and he says Im tired of hearing you bitch about my snoring. Im tired of hearing him snore. I can hear him from our bedroom in the spare bedroom, where I am. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 20

By Renee - 18/02/2017 02:04 - United States - Hoboken

Today, a client wrote a negative review about me online describing I gave off a "weird vibe" I am already socially awkward but this just adds to my anxiety reminding me why I'm socially awkward to begin with because I'm weird.

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 31

By anonymous - 17/02/2017 23:13 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my wife was really tired but couldn't go to sleep. At 3AM she asked me to have sex with her to help her fall asleep. As soon as I made her cum our son woke up. Once he went fell asleep my wife came back to bed and fell asleep without giving me any attention. Cock-blocked by my kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 54

By NotTheManager - 17/02/2017 23:05 - United States - Raleigh

Today, at work a woman came up to me asking why she hadn't gotten a discount on an item she had bought the day before. I looked and told her the discount was listed at the bottom. Still confused she asked to see my manager. After being told the same thing she goes "Oh that's much clearer!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 22:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up covered in ringworms, I am watching my friends dog while she is on vacation. Apparently the cream for her dog is for her existing ringworms. Thanks for the heads up. Only 3 more days.

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 21

By Hannah - 17/02/2017 21:10 - United States - Paris

Today, I was about to get in the shower when I hear a knock at the door. I look out the window and it's a guy in a red shirt. I am butt naked. I didn't get dressed. I told him I was busy, about to get in the shower and he precedes to ask me, a naked woman, questions. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 64

By joblessinus - 17/02/2017 20:34 - United States - Auburn

Today, I got fired from my job for being in an accident that I cant even remember happening, FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 18

By fakk - 17/02/2017 20:22 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I got my first period in months. I can't stand, I want everything we don't have, and I work incredibly early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 21

By heartbreak - 17/02/2017 19:28 - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, on valentine's day. my love. partner of 10+ years. mother to my two kids. left me because she now thinks she likes women more. fml.

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 24

By sick as a dog - 17/02/2017 19:24 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up sick. So I call my boss and make a deal with him, if he can't cover my shift then I will come in. So far none of the on-call employees has called him back. So here I am sitting at the bus stop, in the rain, hacking up a lung, and off to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 33

By bleeding mascara - 17/02/2017 18:30 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after a 13 day school/work week, worrying about exams and group projects and scholarships and money in the bank and having everything in on time.. I clipped a curb and got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 30

By Varun - 17/02/2017 18:15 - Singapore - Singapore

Today... I went to a foreign country for the first time just to meet a very good friend of 3 years for the first time. We ended up having an argument. She hates me now and don't want to be even my friends even after I apologized so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 33

By Helping? - 17/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Albany

Today, after waiting 20 minutes in the math assistance center for help, the adviser abandoned me mid-question. Not because she was requested or had something important to do, but because she wanted to get another slice of cake and continue a conversation with her friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 148

You deserved it 452

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 17:58 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I suppose to get my apartment pre-inspected to move from a 3 to 4 bedroom. I have to be there for the lease signing. today a also found out that I have to pull a 24 hour shift.

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 14

By Oops - 17/02/2017 17:42 - United States - Holt

Today, I got done with my stats quiz early and asked the substitute to go to the bathroom. When I got back she was like "wow you finished fast" and I proceeded to say "thanks imma guy." It was only after that I realized she was talking about my quiz...

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 70

By anon - 17/02/2017 16:24 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer wanted me to serve him after we were already 15 minutes closed. After I explained this to him, he went on a tangent ranting and raving to me. He finally left and then I found out he complained to my boss and said I was laughing at him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 12

By Kids these days - 17/02/2017 14:50 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, a middle schooler walked in front of my SUV while I was driving. He waited until I got closer before walking. I had to quick stop because of this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 23

By Dueducs - 17/02/2017 13:46 - United States - Houston

Today, my lovely wife asked if I planned to shave any time soon. I said, "No. In fact, I'm going to get fat, really fat, so I can look like Steve Bannon." After googling an image of Bannon, she says to me , "You absolutely could." Meanest thing the woman has ever said to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 121

By Bill - 17/02/2017 13:14 - United States - Chicago

Today... took a laxative last night didn't think it worked woke up with just gas. However when I was at work just now figured I'd let one sneak out and it was just Niagara Falls. I left the house with white sox they are now brown. FML...

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 78

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The Top

Today, I found my expensive lingerie I thought I had lost. In my 15-year-old brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 671

You deserved it 2 233

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 16 625

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 480

You deserved it 13 857

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the driveway, hitting my leg, and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 418

You deserved it 10 246

Today, I joined my local fire department. While there, I struggled to open a door. Thinking it was locked, someone saw me and opened it. No it wasn't locked. I just didn't push it hard enough. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 248

Today, halfway through a blowjob, my girlfriend bit my penis because she suddenly decided that she was still annoyed at me for an argument we had last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 346