Nearly FMLs

By My dog le killer - 28/02/2017 10:56

Today, I got into bed and my leg brushed something not right. Startled, I lept from my bed and pulled off my comforter. Out rolled a dead partially eaten pigoen. I just installed a doggy door.....fml

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 09:53

Today, while in a gay bar a woman bitched me out for assuming she was a lesbian. I wasn't flirting with her. I was just trying to tell her she dropped her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 05:40

Today, I learned its easier and faster to replace a toilet than to try and drill out the rusted bolt holding down the old toilet seat... FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 25

By "Rairi" - 28/02/2017 02:02 - Finland

Today, my lack of sexual activity for the past seven years was finally coming to an end. Today is also the day found out I don't feel the need to have sex, not even with my new boyfriend's dick inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 30

By embarrassing - 27/02/2017 22:56

Today, i was at a party and had a little too much to drink, so I went upstairs to a bedroom where some of my friends were playing fifa. I layed down because I felt sick but suddenly threw up. It was all over the bed and sheet as well as on one of my guy friends. Everyone in my class now knows

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 142

By It is not THAT much money... - 26/02/2017 15:43

Today, my paranoid aunt told only me that she won $5000 on a lotto ticket. Now she thinks everyone who has tried to contact her since, has somehow found out and is now trying to financially piggyback on her. She now refuses to go outside and suspiciously peeks at everyone walking by her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 22

By "superpandamonium" - 24/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is going to Alaska. My invitation must've gotten lost in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 828

You deserved it 1 357

By Lifesux - 24/02/2017 21:41 - United States - Youngstown

Today I found out my wife was having an affair with a guy from work that looks like the missing link. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 18:25 - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today, I showed up to my friends birthday party just in time to sit for two hours before going home because even the birthday girl didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 15:57 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I ate lunch with the girl of my dreams. With her younger cousin. And her boyfriend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 30

By handywife - 24/02/2017 16:17 - United States - Perryville

Today my husband stopped by my office to say he was home; he's been away on business for a little over a week. A little while later I sent him a racy text about being hot and bothered and what I wanted to do to him tonight; he replied "lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 30

By BSnizzle - 24/02/2017 22:02

Today, I found out that the 17 year old dishwasher, even though emancipated, has been illegally using the meat slicer and knives at work. If he got hurt , it could cost everyone our jobs. The worst part of it, my boss knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 29

By Dog Owner - 24/02/2017 12:12 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I learned in my dog training class not to chase my dog when she gets away. Yesterday, she got away and I fell chasing her, scraping my hands horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 67

By Pero Naliv - 24/02/2017 03:53 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today I farted so hard at the airport baggage collect area that the sound amplified thanks to the acoustic and echo of the area... Not to mention, the area was packed with people...

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 66

By DudeFucker - 24/02/2017 13:27 - Australia - Doncaster

Today I caught my girl friend of 7 years cheating on me with my best friend, she then dumped me and is now with him. I was gonna ask her to marry me today...FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 35

By Justachick - 23/02/2017 20:01 - United States - Clarkston

Today my boyfriend decided to "spice things up" in the bedroom. He literally licked me like a popsicle. Like, lick, lick, lick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 33

By s3x2grl - 24/02/2017 11:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I talked all bull shit things about boss and work with my coworker at my workplace. *I work in coffeeshop. and we figure out that cctv, security camera, near us also records the voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 208

By SickyMcGee - 23/02/2017 19:08 - United States

Today, my sister is so insane that she actually jealous of me having to have surgery, and basically abusing anyone who shows any sympathy for me. Coming from the person who ruined my wedding and the weeks, because it wasn't about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 28

By neveragain - 24/02/2017 00:02 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I learned that having sex while pregnant isn't the best of ideas. I shit all over the bed when my partner entered me, then proceeded to cry while he cleaned me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 48

By Aiden The Donut - 23/02/2017 17:43 - United States - Delavan

Today I broke up with my boyfriend because he treated me horribly throughout the whole relationship....turns out he was also cheating on me the whole time and the girl literally cheered when I told him it was over and now everyone thinks it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 24

By Raw - 23/02/2017 18:27 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my mom claimed how proud of my younger brother she was with his dedication to working out and that I should be more like him. I work 15 hrs a day and I bought the expensive gym equipment for our family. I work a lot to pay off my loans. Most of my loan is from buying the gym equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 84

By elladegouveia - 23/02/2017 21:00 - South Africa - Paarl

Today, I almost burnt my house down because I emptied my ashtray with a lit cigarette in it into my plastic bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 297

You deserved it 11 066

By Apparently Gay - 23/02/2017 13:21 - United States - Mamaroneck

Today, after building up the courage to ask a girl out over months, she rejected me because apparently "I'm gay and I don't know it yet." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 12:37 - United States

Today, I went to an arcade. After spending 50 dollars and getting a LOT of tickets, I went to redeem them for some prizes, only for the woman at the desk to tell me she couldn't redeem my tickets as she was "fixing her computer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 25

By Bawsack - 23/02/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I received a call from my boss telling me that I have to get back to work or get a doctor's note, or I risk a disciplinary. I'm only sick because it's my job to look after kids. One had a chest infection and is incapable of covering is mouth when he coughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 769

You deserved it 660

By greyfuddle - 23/02/2017 09:19 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, I realized that I'm being ghosted by my professor, who had agreed to write me a letter of recommendation and send it three months ago, a week before the university deadline.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 10

By muyah - 22/02/2017 23:25 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I tried to quit my job. I called up asking to speak to the manager told her my name and what I was calling in for. This was not my scheduled manager. (There's three) When she checked to see if I was on the roster of my days, she couldn't find it. I was fired. I don't care. But still. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 22/02/2017 23:18 - United States - Menomonee Falls

Today, I had to teach my 52 year old mother third grade math. She teaches it and did not get it after an hour of me repeating myself. And she raised me.

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 17:05 - United States

Today, at my new job at a grocery store, I was sent out to do carts. The previous person before me, who has been here longer, decided he didn't give a shit and left about 10 carts out of a corral, sitting close to cars. I was blamed for it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 15

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The Top

Today, I realized what pulling an all-nighter means in reality. You’re psyched and active for about two hours after the decision, then you plod along bleary-eyed for another 4-8, after which you inevitably fall into bed, only to end up tired and with a fucked-up sleep cycle for the next few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 507

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 595

You deserved it 4 790

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 922

You deserved it 4 303

Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 255

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 3 643

Today, I was sitting the living room, when my mom commented on the smell of garlic in the air. After ten minutes of searching for the source, she gave up. I was too embarrassed to admit that I'd tried using garlic to cure my yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 986

You deserved it 33 937