Nearly FMLs

By fml - 02/03/2017 06:43

Today, the man I'm falling for is peacefully sleeping next to me and I know I'm just someone to sleep next to and a lay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 06:22

Today, it's midnight and my roommate refuses to turn of the light and keeps making loud noises. I have exams in the morning, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 20

By aintgotavoice - 02/03/2017 05:51

Today, I lost my voice due to allergies. I work at a pharmacy that's extremely busy. I spent the entire day answering phones and grabbing the nearest person to me to translate my raspiness. Worst of all one of the biggest doctors in the area thought I was making fun of his accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 20

By "Xavier Reeder" - 02/03/2017 04:53

My crush asked me to walk her to class, sounds like a good thing right? Well it would've been but my dumbass decides to say "Sorry I'll be late if I do"

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 04:33

Today, I was so high while reading FML, I mistakingly starting reading an Ad and didn't understand why it wasn't funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 112

By "Tony Medrano" - 02/03/2017 02:51

Today I was on a call with my girlfriend having sex talk only to find out my mom was listening the whole time......FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 58

By OBGY-NO - 02/03/2017 02:26

Today the OBGYN told me to "do research" for a breast lump I found, because "lumps are normal" and that it "wasn't there last month". I just saw her last month and she reported "no bumps." FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 01:10

A few weeks ago I lost my virginity to my 17 year old girlfriend of 4 months, well the condom broke and today she had to go with her mother to get a pregnancy test, let's just say most awkward conversation I've ever had!!!

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 70

By Murali - 02/03/2017 00:51

Today, I yelled at my classmate that his language was horrible in English Class. He yelled back saying, still better than your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 83

By BKM96 - 02/03/2017 00:08

Today, my best friend was supposed to come over and stay the night. I texted her when I woke up and asked when she wanted to come over. She ignored me at first and then made excuses all day about why she couldn't at the moment. Now her excuse is "She got called into work." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 21

By thehotpotato - 01/03/2017 22:22 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today,I woke up with a ginormous mosquito bite on my lip. I looked like Kylie Jenner with a bad lip injection. To make that even worse I hid behind my notebook at school today until when I put the notebook down the whole class started laughing in tears. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 13

By Soft - 01/03/2017 22:37

Today I tried hooking up with a girl I really liked but couldn't get hard. I went to the bathroom to try and get hard myself, but instead I just came while soft. I didn't know that was possible. What a horrible night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 34

By "Kayla Wright" - 01/03/2017 22:11

today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to tell me that he pooped himself earlier. while I was riding him.

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 01/03/2017 20:51

Today, I sold my car and called my mum to tell her that I'm coming over to buy her old car. She told me that she wants more money for it and I only had enough for her car. Now I haven't got enough money to buy another car FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 20

By it burns - 01/03/2017 20:30

Today, after being constipated for a week and having a cold I made the effort to go down to the grocery store to buy some sushi. Good news I am no longer constipated, I have had diarrhea on and off for the past 2 hours. Never having sushi again, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 40

By PopPopPop - 01/03/2017 14:26 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, one of my co-workers in the office thought it'd be funny to pour popcorn that had just been freshly made down my the back of my shirt. I was wearing a body suit and it went right into my underwear. I got second degree burns from the hot oil and kernels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 01/03/2017 20:26

Today, my girlfriend cancelled our trip we planned for almost a year because her mother grounded her for raising her voice. There is nothing she can do, and she'll be 20 in exactly two months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 01/03/2017 13:58 - United States - Weidman

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My dog is a huge attention whore, and was in the room while this was happening. He kept trying to climb up on the bed to play, regardless how many times I told him to go away or pushed him away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 07:48 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I wouldn't want to leave this earth would be because I love my dog too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 17

By allergic - 01/03/2017 13:44

Today, I found myself I hospital again. Why? Because I have developed food allergies which I only found out about today. This wouldn't be a problem, apart from I've developed allergies to everything I eat. I can't change my diet cause I also have a severe eating disorder. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 25

By allergic - 01/03/2017 13:44

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 22

By allergic - 01/03/2017 13:44

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 26

By Ari - 01/03/2017 13:38 - Czech Republic - Cesky Brod

Today, as my gf was holding my penis she suddenly imitated man voice and said: Im your king, all of you bow to me. FML:

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 01/03/2017 12:25

Today, my attractive young coworker and I were stocking tobacco. Hoping to impress her, I told her that Copenhagen was a real place, and that I'd give her five dollars if she knew where it was. To my surprise, she promptly said "Denmark," and held out her hand. I didn't have five dollars. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 414

By username - 01/03/2017 01:08

Today, after spending hours of cleaning my house, my friend came over with her kids. As soon as her daughter walked in she said "what a mess". FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 32

By smells like old band aide - 28/02/2017 21:03

Today, after 3 days of getting my eyebrows microbladed I can smell them due to the lymphatic fluid of my body healing. I cannot wash them for several more days and the smell is making me woozy.

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 59

By unemployed - 28/02/2017 20:23

Today, I called the place I interviewed at twice and was offered a job at 2 weeks ago to schedule my background screen and drug test, only to have the guy who initially offered me the job tell me "I thought you got my message, we're taking back the job offer". I already quit my other job.

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 39

By he was so hot - 28/02/2017 17:32

Today, I was tasked to organize the massive hat wall at work. I had a gnarly burrito for breakfast and my gut was screaming so let out a vile fart while on the ladder. I happened to look behind me to see a guy in proximity to my butt. He looked at me and walked out the store without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 64

By Little_walker - 28/02/2017 14:21 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, whilst walking home, it was so cold tears froze in my eyes. I was seeing triple for half an hour before they went. I nearly got hit by a car crossing the road and just missed walking into a tree because of it FLM.

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 31

By anonymous - 28/02/2017 12:58

Today, I once again found myself telling an amusing story to a group of friends who once again spoke over the top of me. This happens every time I tell a story. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 34

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 547

You deserved it 6 609

Today, while clearing out my kitchen, I discovered a Tupperware container that'd been forgotten for so long it'd developed its own ecosystem. When I opened it, a funky smell engulfed the kitchen, and I realized I had unintentionally created a new form of life. I promptly closed the container, then put it in the freezer in the hope of killing whatever it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 617

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 1 240

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 596

You deserved it 405

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 31

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 378

You deserved it 2 179