Nearly FMLs

By muyah - 23/02/2017 06:25 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I tried to quit my job. I called up asking to speak to the manager told her my name and what I was calling in for. This was not my scheduled manager. (There's three) When she checked to see if I was on the roster of my days, she couldn't find it. I was fired. I don't care. But still. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 06:18 - United States - Menomonee Falls

Today, I had to teach my 52 year old mother third grade math. She teaches it and did not get it after an hour of me repeating myself. And she raised me.

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 05:05 - United States

Today, at my new job at a grocery store, I was sent out to do carts. The previous person before me, who has been here longer, decided he didn't give a shit and left about 10 carts out of a corral, sitting close to cars. I was blamed for it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 15

By gayjellybean - 23/02/2017 04:48 - United States - Maynard

Today, my filling popped out while I was flossing. That's the third time that has happened. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 25

By What'swrongwithsociety - 23/02/2017 04:08 - United States

Today I had to give up my apartment and move my daughter and I into a shelter because daycares are so expensive. I had to choose my job or a home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 16

By What'swrongwithsociety - 23/02/2017 04:06 - United States

Today I had to give up my apartment and move myself and my daughter into a shelter since daycares are so expensive I had to choose my home or my job.

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 18

By "Beatle43" - 23/02/2017 03:31 - Canada - Edmonton

Today...I fell asleep while watching a talk show, and they were talking about marriage, so that was the last thing on my mind. My *boyfriend* comes home and wakes me up, and in the midst of that he says something funny...then I laughed and said "Awwe I *married* such an amazing guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 03:07 - United States - La Vergne

Today, I was sent to the office in the middle of class because a teacher heard a joke I made at lunch and thought I planned to stab someone. Three people made jokes. I was the only one in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 33

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 02:30 - United States - Menomonee Falls

Today, I went golfing in Arizona with my family. My grandpa hit a ball into a cactus and wanted it retrieved since it was custom. I reached in and my brother decided to scare me. I now have thorns up to my elbow.

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 18

By No Love Linda - 23/02/2017 01:31 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was walking to the library and some guy's backpack was open so I closed it for him. Then we started talking like if we knew each other and we walked to the library together. I wanted to buy a coffee hoping he would come with me. He didn't and more than likely I'll never see him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 39

By awkward girl - 23/02/2017 00:35 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boss, whom I have a crush on, drove me home after work. When I got out of the car, he asked me when I'll be working again. Out of panic, I blurted "I only work night shifts" and closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 45

By -_- - 23/02/2017 00:05 - United States - Richmond

Today, I moved into my new house. All my new neighbors came over to welcome me to the Neighborhood. After only being at our new house for 2 hours. we heard a loud noise. We run outside only to find my PARKED car had been in a hit and run. Damages are over $3,600. Welcome to the neighborhood

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 13

By bride to be - 22/02/2017 23:11 - United States - San Martin

Today, while in an argument with my fiancé about our impending wedding, he was blaming me for pressuring him about getting married. He is the one that proposed. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 44

By Quetzard - 22/02/2017 22:20 - Canada - Regina

Today, I was hoping to invite out the cute guy working at the front desk of my gym. He wasn't there, but there was a meeting in the yoga room, so I was trying to see if he was there and I literally walked into the glass wall, with 30 employees on the other side. I walked out with a bleeding nose.FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 64

By Pole Dancer - 22/02/2017 22:18 - Australia - North Melbourne

Today, after being sick from work for a few days I was finally well enough to go. Two hours in, I walked headlong into a pole and fell flat on my ass. I can still hear the reverberations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 34

By whatsinaname - 22/02/2017 17:11 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today I asked my girlfriend of three years what her middle name was. She goes by her middle name and I had actually forgotten her first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 232

By Roxanne - 22/02/2017 14:36 - Netherlands - Delft

Today somebody had to remind me that I got so drunk last night that I showed my ass to people smoking a cigarette outside the bar because they were making fun about the fact that I was puking. -FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 177

By twentybedwetter - 22/02/2017 04:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I woke up after spending the night at my girlfriends for the first time. I pissed the bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 22/02/2017 04:03 - United States

Today, while working an evening shift at Walmart, I somehow managed to hit myself in the eye with cardboard. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 26

By Dumb and Dumber - 22/02/2017 02:55 - Germany - Bad Ems

Today, I hit a new low as I learned that Germany does in fact have a president, and not just a chancellor. I've been living here for quite a while. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 21:55 - United States

Today I was talking to my crush and walking my dog at the same time. My dog lunged at a squirrel and took me on a joy ride through the woods. I ended up landing in a rednecks yard and had a gun pointed at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 21/02/2017 21:50 - United States

Today, I was conversing with my crush and I was getting a soda from a vending machine and was not paying attention to what I was doing. I selected a coke from the machine and leaned my head down near the opening. Something went wrong and the soda flew at my face and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 42

By usatoday65 - 21/02/2017 21:13 - United States - Matthews

Today, whilst I was giving a presentation to my classmates and teachers my browser unexpectedly closed and my background showed up. This wouldn't have been bad except for the fact that it was a dildo with eyes in a panzer in France. It was entitled the adventures of wildo the dildo in naziland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 300

By Lyona - 21/02/2017 20:51 - United States - Houston

Today, on top of being sick with the flu and late to work because of storms I found out my shoe had been vomited in by a very unapologetic cat. When did I find this out? When I pulled up to work and finally put my shoes on. No time to go home and change.

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 31

By Sigh - 21/02/2017 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, my grandmother saw a news report about nefarious teenaged emoji codes. Now, she is convinced that I have a coke problem, because I sometimes text little snowflakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 31

By electroshock - 21/02/2017 15:13 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I'm so incapable of controlling myself I bought a bracelet that electrocutes me when I snack, I just accidentally zapped myself 3 times in a row... it hurts... a lot. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 94

By gtchuckd - 21/02/2017 14:41 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I have food poisoning. I was forced to poop in my 2 year old training toilet while I puked in the regular one. It wasn't built to hold that volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 39

By TrueFriendship - 21/02/2017 12:00 - France

Today, my best friend can't be at my birthday party. I found out it's because she's having her birthday party on the exact same day. I guess my present is not having to deal with that hypocrite anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 485

You deserved it 639

You poor thing.

By Anonymous - 20/02/2017 16:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I cut open my gum on a pizza crust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 070

You deserved it 666

By fatty2x4 - 20/02/2017 13:52 - United States - Dallas

Today, I reluctantly shopped for new pants online. I've been sensitive about gaining weight and have been avoiding having to buy new clothes for awhile now. Good news though, there was a coupon code to save on my purchase. The code was "HUGE". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 44

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Music Drunk My ex Cops Gross Poopoo peepee Love Transportation Cars Relatable Bodyshaming Dating Crush Work Farts Money LGBTQIA+ Weird Cooking AITA Sex Health Family Vacation Intimacy Kids

The Top

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 967

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 512

You deserved it 16 126

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 2 863

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 995

You deserved it 2 415

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 686

You deserved it 3 859

Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 127