Nearly FMLs

By "Bawsack" - 06/03/2017 23:28 - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, I tried a new, low fat alternative to my favourite hazelnut spread. I was surprised to find that it was actually delicious. I've been stuck on the toilet with the runs ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 21:40

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years is going to be a father of two. Am I pregnant with twins? No, in fact, I'm not pregnant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 19

By Buzika - 06/03/2017 19:38 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today I found out that my little brother, who is 16 years old, has a girlfriend. I am 24 years old and never even kissed a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 54

By feath - 06/03/2017 01:05

Today, while attempting to make banana bread, I dropped the bowl trying to put it in the pan. I now have rotten banana batter on my walls, ceiling, floor... everywhere. I just cracked a beer while typing this, watching it drip from the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 67

By "jazzterchic" - 05/03/2017 22:52

Today, when talking to my friend I realized she makes better grades than I do. That wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't the one helping her do all the professor's assignments. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 36

By "Jen Wittwer" - 05/03/2017 21:29 - Germany - Osnabr?ck

Today, I was watching Doctor Who with my boyfriend. It featured an episode with the Daleks. Later while in bed, my boyfriend scooted close to me and said "EXTERMINATE!" and proceeded to fart on me. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 39

By Anonymous - 05/03/2017 16:10

Today, I learned that your finger going through the toilet paper wasn't just a thing people made up on here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 41

By whatisfriend - 05/03/2017 16:00

Today, the only people who like me are a meth addict, a homeless guy, and my therapist. I don't think the meth head actually likes me, and I give money to the other two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 584

You deserved it 649

By hungy hippo - 05/03/2017 04:01 - United States

Today, at my workplace, my coworkers decided to clean out the fridge and throw away containers that didn't have a name on it. I didn't find this out until after desperately searching for my lunch in vain. I'm six hours in on a twelve-hour night shift and I'm starving! FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 41

By "themadrabbit" - 02/03/2017 23:21

Today, I figured out that my boyfriend is asexual, which basically means that his sex drive is non-existent and I will have to deal with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 22:19

Today, it was nice out so I opened my window and went downstairs. Returning later I found a pigeon chilling. I tried to chase it to the window but the idiot bird flew around my room pooping EVERYWHERE and smacking everything while my bemused dog watched. it's been 20mins. The bird is still here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 45

By who wants fudge? - 02/03/2017 21:58

Today, I snarted at lunch...which basically is a sneeze, fart, and poop at the same time. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 30

By who wants fudge? - 02/03/2017 21:58

Today, I snarted at lunch...which basically is a sneeze, fart, and poop at the same time. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 27

By Isaac - 02/03/2017 21:33 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I reached a new low in life. I washed my hair with dish soap because I can't be bothered to go to the shop next door. At the very least, I smell of clean dishes, which is a scent I don't get to smell very often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 22:54 - Georgia

Today I realized that the reason I play BioShock Infinite so much is that Elizabeth (main character) is the only "person" that makes me feel warm, welcome, and important. Been single for more than four years. Clearly, it has begun to affect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 61

By kim - 02/03/2017 17:23

Today a surgeon came up to me and asked me (i am a nurse)..."Do you have a phone I can reach you at?". I said no, I can give you the desk phone number and he asks again, "You dont have a personal number to call you?".I said nope. Little did I know, he wanted my cell number. FML HE WAS HOT

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 362

By PoorGrade12Student - 02/03/2017 16:39

Today, the guys in my class kept making strange noises such as those produced during orgasm and it severely disrupted class although we have important exams at the end of the year. I'm in grade 12 and I still have to spend 8 months every weekday with them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 30

By kadefoster8 - 02/03/2017 16:14

Today, after I finally got over a bad case of food poisoning, I treated my self with some quesadillas, on to get food poisoning again, FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 62

By Andrewvykh - 02/03/2017 16:03

Today... I was driving to my friend's grandma's funeral and my tire on my brand new 2013 wrx hatchback popped and sent me into a barrier. Later my mom texted me and sent said my dog died. So missed a funeral,wrecked my car , and my dog died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 21

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 15:57

Today, I went to get a glass of milk only to find out that my sibling had placed the sour milk back into the damn fridge... FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 08:36 - United States - Petoskey

Today, my tattoo artist spelled my nephews name wrong....... on my arm.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 143

By fried food forever - 02/03/2017 13:53

Today, in an effort to try to become healthier, we had salads for dinner last night. This morning we all have diarrhea. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 40

By Squatty - 02/03/2017 10:52

Today, at work, I really had to go number 2 so I took a break and went for it, I usually don't do my business in public bathrooms but it couldn't be helped, I got up on the toilet and let it rip, an associate then comes in and peeks through the stall crack and talkies "THE SALON GUY POOPS WEIRD" FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 28

By "LinossierB" - 02/03/2017 20:36 - Australia - Balaclava

Today after 40 mins of train delays, I called an Uber for the first time so I'd just make it in time to work but was too stressed out to realise MAZ DA3 wasn't the car number plate. Took me 10 mins to find the uber. I was late to work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 63

By totallyscrewed - 02/03/2017 09:19 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I found out I have a big presentation due on my birthday, I hate public speaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 08:48

Today, I had my nose cauterized and the silver nitrate they use to cauterize leaked out of my nose...now I look like I snorted charcoal FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 16

By goodstudent - 02/03/2017 07:51 - Denmark

Today, I accidentally sent a winking smiley to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 07:47

Today, while at my job at a call centre, a man agree to do a survey, only to pretend to be going to the bathroom and accusing me of lying about the contents of the survey, while laughter echoed from the background. I pushed through for half an hour, only for him to hang up on the last question. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 24

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 07:47

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 36

By tampontramp - 02/03/2017 07:38

Today, my mom is convinced i wasn't born a virgin because i skipped over pads and went straight for tampons after getting my first period. That was when i was 15, i am now 20 and she thinks i'm the next Virgin Mary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 21

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The Top

Today, I tried the 'Casual Encounter' page on Craigslist. Three hours, a bunch of spam, and a 30-minute call to some company, speaking to some lady I could barely understand to recover the $40 somehow charged to my card. I think I might want to try other ways to meet people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 437

You deserved it 9 667

Today, I kicked my coffee table while barefoot, got an X-ray, and I’d cracked the bone. Got home, kicked the exact same table with the exact same toe, got another X-ray, the crack is now a full-on break. What a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 970

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 270

You deserved it 2 803

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 764

You deserved it 42 579

Today, I gifted my boyfriend a $150 watch on his graduation day, but he was more excited when he got a $2 mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 785

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 452

You deserved it 2 970