Nearly FMLs

By LoverBoy - 13/03/2017 01:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend called me by her twin brother's name whilst we were having sex. She then made it worse by pretending that she'd said my name, and I'd simply misheard her. My name is Ed, and her brother is William. They're not even close. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 30

By buttpain - 12/03/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's mom told me that he and I should have at least one kid, because twins run in the family and skip a generation. We've been together for five months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 541

You deserved it 395

By Bean - 12/03/2017 17:14

Today, I went to get a laptop and sat on the floor. Noticed I sat on something squishy, went to get it out from under me and instead shoved my fingers in a massive pile of dog poop. I had sat in it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 73

By Emma - 12/03/2017 14:46

Today I realised that I gave away a first addition book to a 'friend' for their birthday worth around £80 FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 107

By PoorMe - 12/03/2017 14:00

Today, my aunt asked if she and her boyfriend could stay with me and my brother for a couple of days. My brother and I currently live in a motel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 019

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 11/03/2017 17:51 - United States - Richland

Today, I've been having to take pills because I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday. My family and boyfriend have been calling me Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks, and I've started to bruise on my jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 33

By Anonymous - 11/03/2017 18:05 - Canada - Brampton

Today at my new job I was having a private conversation with another employee bitching about another employee who got me in trouble for the stupidest thing and after 5-10 minutes a manager comes running down to my department to say we're on the PA system the whole store heard our convo... FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 327

By NotAPriority - 11/03/2017 16:58 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my fiance sold my engagement ring, without my knowledge, for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 54

By VDub - 11/03/2017 10:43 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing with a bunch of mates including one I had a crush on. After telling everyone else I was interested, while we were dancing, I asked if I could kiss him....and he said 'why'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 38

By Anonymous - 11/03/2017 11:31

Today, during my usual weekly tidying and clean up of my apartment, I found maggots burrowed into the new carpet, the only way to get rid of them was to use tweezers, fml

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 34

By AurorPercivalGraves - 10/03/2017 14:39 - United States - Greensburg

Today, my professor changed the due date of an assignment, but never changed it on the site we were supposed to turn it in on, now the assignment is closed and locked, she's not in her office, and she's not responding to emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 30

By Anonymous - 10/03/2017 20:00

Today, I spent $35 to have a key made for my boyfriend so he could drive my car. Not only does he refuse to drive it, but he also refuses to take the key with him so he can at least unlock his door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 949

By ACisking - 10/03/2017 17:23

Today, right before starting a presentation, I yelled "testing" into a clip-on microphone I saw sitting at the podium. After hearing a shout of pain, I found out it was actually a microphone connected directly to the ears of a hard-of-hearing attendee in the back of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 235

By Selphis - 10/03/2017 09:02

Today, my computer monitor kept auto-adjusting so I tried changing the settings so it would stop. Now all menus are in Korean and half the buttons have stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 10/03/2017 19:01 - Australia - Boronia

Today, I realised just how bad my weight problem is, when I seriously considered going to the gym down the street, just for the chicken nuggets they have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 81

By "TheLostCauseFML" - 10/03/2017 05:20

Today, my obsessive childhood crush of the last 19 years has asked me to run away with him to a place that will be 40 miles from civilization, running water, electricity or Internet in Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 43

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 20:54 - United States - Valdosta

Today after 4 days of constipation and 3 boxes of chocolate exlax. I finally go It out!!!! I am currently laying in an ER bed with 6 stitches on my butthole.....

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 35

By boats - 10/03/2017 00:00

Today, I spent $900 in kayaks and accessories. Come time to put them on the rack, my wife suggested we put one side on the rack and the other in the bed of the truck, and despite my reservations, I went with it. They flew off on the highway less than half a mile. She won't admit responsibility. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3 156

You deserved it 4 662

By That's Nice - 09/03/2017 23:05

Today, I was marveling at the intense love I feel for my two year old son. Unthinkingly, I turned to my mother and said "You never loved me like that." She shakes her head furiously and says back "No, not even close." FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 42

By Extra rare - 09/03/2017 19:56

Today my Doctor diagnosed me with a rare disease, and told me to avoid the cold and caffeine. I don't have the money to repair my heater after paying the medical bills. Caffeine withdraws aren't helping anger issues either. Too bad I work in customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 23

By NotARunaway - 09/03/2017 17:05

Today, while taking a vacation by myself to get a few stress free days before my wedding with no social media or phone, I lost track of time and missed my wedding.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 368

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 09:00

Today, I locked my keys in my truck on my way to work. At my place of employment I backed a customer's car into another customer's car. Then while on lunch, driving down the road my hood flew off my truck. I took the rest of the day off. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 08/03/2017 22:09 - United States - Columbia

Today, while texting my girlfriend, who has low self esteem, my phone autocorrected "You're too far" to "You're too fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 45

Clerks 3: Randall the Pharmacist

By Reliable - 08/03/2017 22:00

Today, it was my first time opening the store alone. My alarm didn't go off and my phone died during the night. I was an hour late and people were waiting outside. My store happens to also be the only pharmacy in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 680

You deserved it 1 936

Sheeeeeee's leaving home, bye bye.

By Homeless - 08/03/2017 14:00

Today, my live-in landlady told me she's thinking of selling, but she hasn't made up her mind yet. Guess that's why the estate agents have arranged a house viewing tomorrow. You know, because she's "still not sure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 720

You deserved it 248

By Didn't need sleep anyway - 08/03/2017 13:12

Today, I woke up once again at 2am. My husband snores so I move to another room, where I can hear the sweet sounds of a mocking bird that sounds like a car alarm. Between the two of them, I haven't slept more than four hours in a row for three months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 07/03/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, after a year and a half of being unemployed, I finally got offered a job I am really excited about. Everyone I have tried to tell has complained at me for contacting them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 882

You deserved it 443

By Firstsecondchoice - 07/03/2017 17:27

Today I asked the boy I like if he'd go to prom with me. His response? "I'll go with you if I don't find another date until then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 20

By please don't fire me - 07/03/2017 12:00

Today, I spoke to a girl who is apparently interviewing for my current position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 031

You deserved it 349

By Forever itchy - 07/03/2017 04:43 - United States - Washington

Today, I went into my bathroom to find anti-itch cream, but instead, I found that a tube of toothpaste exploded and covered all of my toiletries in minty goo. I didn't even find the cream after I washed everything off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 16

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 084

You deserved it 4 233

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 421

You deserved it 3 140

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 393

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 505

You deserved it 1 024

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 172

You deserved it 3 046

Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 653

You deserved it 6 036