Nearly FMLs

By Rocky - 23/03/2017 16:12

Today, I asked the vice president of the company I work for why is he always on my back. He took me into his office and told me in private that the owner likes me too much, and wants to promote me to general manager. I was glad to hear that, until he told me he thought I wasn't a "smart guy", I'm a "smart ass". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 903

You deserved it 597

Rawkeeb tells us more.

Rawkeeb 2

Wednesday 22 March 2017 17:19

OP here, so I talked to the company owner directly and he actually informed me that he wanted to train me to be the next vice-president of the company, but the current vice president insisted to see how I do as a general manager first. Our current vice-president is 77 years old and does not want anyone in his position. I have to get along with the old greaser knowing he will put me on the wrong path every chance he gets.

By fail at leaving - 23/03/2017 16:00

Today, I've been trying to quit my job for 3 days now, I even gave my resignation letter in. My boss refuses to let me leave, and keeps giving me more shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 642

You deserved it 732

By D.C. Commuter - 22/03/2017 13:17

Today I got up early, caught the earlier shuttle to the metro, and happily boarded the first train that arrived. Enjoying my trip thinking of how empty the train was and how good I was on time, I slowly realized I was going the wrong way. Added 45min to my commute to turn around. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 80

By Protoskore - 22/03/2017 08:09

Today my boss demanded to who the new guy was and who had let him in. He was dumbfounded to be shown his own summary of the job interview with the man. He personally hired him 3 weeks ago. Fortunately, I've been with the company 9 years, so he only forgets my name on occasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 12

By Scatterbrained - 21/03/2017 22:00

Today, myself and a co-worker had an aisle blocked because we were arranging new merchandise. A lady plowed her way through, scattering our work everywhere. She then yelled that we were lazy for having an aisle blocked and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 992

You deserved it 332

Calculatroll!

By Troll_Calculator - 21/03/2017 20:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I had a chemistry midterm. There were 15 math problems, but no matter how many times I pressed the "On" button of my calculator, it wouldn't turn on. There were no spare calculators. Later, I tried to show my friend that my calculator wouldn't turn on. I pressed the button. It turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 342

You deserved it 626

By "b1uejay" - 21/03/2017 17:51 - United States - Marysville

Today, I tried once again to talk to my boyfriend about his caffeine addiction. As he does any other time I bring it up, he got ticked off. He doesn't seem to understand that the $80 a month he spends on pop is a big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 43

By Dogpoo - 21/03/2017 00:00 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I kissed the guy I like. That would've been great, if his breath hadn't smelled/tasted like he'd chewed dog shit that'd been let sizzle in the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 193

You deserved it 554

Kind heart, lonely soul

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 22:00

Today, I went to the city centre to intentionally smoke near homeless people so they'd ask me for a cigarette or two. In the last 2 years, this is the closest I could get to having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 374

You deserved it 1 709

By Lemon. Rainbow - 17/03/2017 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was sitting with my dog on a park bench, I had my hoodie on with the hood up. A lady came up screeching at me like a vulture, smacking the back of my head, until she realized I wasn't her daughter and just walked away without apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 692

You deserved it 262

By That student who hates herself - 17/03/2017 11:18

Today, after spending the entire week stressing out over a test, and making sure to review absolutely everything, I came to the test only to find out that none of what I reviewed was in it, and only contained stuff that wasn't in the teacher's notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 32

By Fruitcake_1495482183 - 17/03/2017 04:01

Today, I had a job interview. I arrived early so I sat in my car for a few minutes when I saw a truck backing up too close to my car and hits my bumper. I get out to inspect the damage and the woman who hit me gets out and introduces herself as the hiring manager. Think I'll get the job? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 13

By Stan017 - 17/03/2017 02:00

Today, I didn't know how Uber worked for first timers. Having a first time $10 discount, it stated I had to pay $3. The driver sounded so sad and disappointed about it, and I didn't know the company would pay the discounted amount. I felt bad for him so I gave him $10, overpaying by $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 1 934

By MIT nitwit - 17/03/2017 01:01

Today I learnt that the IT job I applied for was simply given to a guy who has only been there for 4 months. I've been there for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 31

By "heyyeahyou93" - 16/03/2017 21:35 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today...i went to wake my boyfriend up with a blow job. i lift the covers just in time for him to fart right into my face...FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 16/03/2017 12:00 - Malaysia - Semenyih

Today, the ex-lecturer who I had a crush on invited me out to watch an orchestra performance with him. It got increasingly awkward as time passed, and he ran out on me during the intermission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 160

You deserved it 595

By EwNo - 16/03/2017 09:24

Today, I was sitting next to a girl in a talk. She sneezed, and I felt something hit my leg. Her lumpy snot was all over my bare knee. She was too busy panicking to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 21

By deathtojarjar - 16/03/2017 07:06

Today, I fell out of a second story window because I locked myself out of the house and had to break in. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 67

By Jessica - 16/03/2017 02:08

Today, I'm 20 and got my phone taken away for not popping my dad's back pimple. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 33

By Colette - 15/03/2017 22:52

Today, my neighbors adopted a new dog and named it Ginger, which was the name of my dog that passed away two months ago. They constantly call her name, too. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 22

By Really? - 15/03/2017 20:00 - Australia - Chapel Hill

Today, I was called a prostitute and told to get help for suggesting men and women can bond over hobbies, and just be friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 401

By Stan017 - 15/03/2017 16:00

Today, after 4 months working at my job, everyone including the new intern has a lunch buddy or lunch group, except for me. My lunch partners are books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 929

You deserved it 536

By HomelessForever - 15/03/2017 00:00

Today, my mother offered to buy me an apartment if I break up with my long-term partner. When he found out, he got mad when I told him I'd turned her down, because I was missing "a great opportunity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 511

You deserved it 559

By Anonymous - 14/03/2017 22:11

Today, I'm at a point where the only guy, that wants to have sex with me is one of my relatives.

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 28

By HolidayForOne - 14/03/2017 12:00

Today, after months of saving up and planning with his office and friends, I told my boyfriend of 5 years that I'd booked us a surprise holiday to Berlin, as he's always wanted to go. His response was to tell me there's no way he could go because there's a new video game out the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 013

You deserved it 683

By Anonymous - 14/03/2017 03:32

Today, on the second day of my vacation in Jamaica, I slipped and fell, breaking my fibula and dislocating my ankle. Now instead of enjoying the beach, I get to enjoy the OR and a bedpan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 14/03/2017 00:00

Today, I received a gem piece of advice from my dad. "Never get your hopes up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 719

You deserved it 419

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 938

You deserved it 4 695

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 847

You deserved it 10 934

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 815

You deserved it 59 634

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 956

You deserved it 3 358

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 196

You deserved it 552

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 151