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The all-time greatest FMLs

By pooolth - 05/03/2012 03:17 - Ukraine

Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to get his point across, one of my students pulled out a gun and put it on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 124

Forever alone

By forever alone - 27/03/2022 16:00

Today, I realized I’m so lonely that I actually got jealous while watching Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 194

Memory man

By Dad Fail - 07/02/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 127

Peaced out

By tappedants - 26/06/2023 00:02 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, a huge family crisis happened, with an abusive DIL, traumatized 10 year-old grandson, and bit-up, scratched-up son. Son and grandson had to flee their home. My husband (their step-dad for 43 years) announced he's going to play golf. Not his kid and grandkid, so why stick around and be supportive? FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 207

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 525

Read the room

By Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 140

The gift that keeps on giving

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 22:00

Today, it's been a few weeks since I had my first sexual experience in 6 years following my divorce. It was with a woman I’ve known for years. We get on amazingly, more than me and my ex ever did. She’s sweet, sexy, funny, amazing in bed, and even likes Xbox. Unfortunately she also gave me Scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 201

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I'm dog-sitting. To give the pooches some exercise, I took them on a long walk through the fields, where they run, play, and sniff around to their hearts’ content. Thirty seconds after coming back home, one of them made a ginormous puddle right on my living room floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 131

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 1 372

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 14:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, while at a family dinner, my boyfriend's family explained how he needs to learn family recipes to pass down to his future children. He responded, "Why would I ever start a family? I hate kids." I'm currently seven weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 438

My pride and joy

By A good cat owner - 02/11/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to another person that my cat is not morbidly obese, he just looks really fat when he lays down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 186

Save the children

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, after my ex-husband always said we would never let our kids have screen time, since our divorce he has let screens do 100% of his parenting, while he day-drinks, and yet if I try to take the kids away from him, he threatens lawyers straight away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 174

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 15:00

Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 132

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 181

Get the message

By Anonymous - 24/10/2023 20:00

Today, I got a screenshot from my former supervisor's Instagram that stated, "Finally, I'm rid of these morons at my work." That's how I found out me and other workmates had been laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 128

Chilly season

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, I'm neither tall, nor do I have disproportionately long legs, but I have never found a pair of leggings that actually covers my entire calves, which is less than ideal if the reason you buy leggings in the first place is to wear them under your pants in winter so you don’t get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 136

Conflicting mismanagement

By Anonymous - 26/02/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 84

By Zipman - 09/12/2014 21:42 - Austria - Vienna

Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked why. She replied: "It's easier to pop my pimples." FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 67

Adelaide?

By Anonymous - 14/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was stood up at a cafe named “Commitment Issues”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 157

The new economy

By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 19:58 - Germany

Today, I have so little faith in my future earning potential that I keep my clipped toe and fingernails as a nest egg. I heard that some weirdos on the internet actually pay money for those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 994

Alexa, play "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel feat. Kate Bush

By Forever Alone - 19/06/2022 18:00

Today, I realized that my YouTube watch history, which is mostly comprised of audio ASMRs dealing with loneliness and other anxiety and depression issues, has turned into one big testament to how utterly lonely I am in the real world, and that I probably will remain like this for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 076

Butterfingers

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 22:00 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I dropped a bottle when moving my cat supplies. and just my luck it fell onto my iPhone and broke the screen. I don’t have enough money to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 228

Cats hate his mustache

By Rebecca - 19/02/2022 10:00 - Canada

Today, I was on the couch watching Dr. Phil. My cat walked in, took one look at the screen, and immediately backed up into the coffee table in front of me and sprayed with all of his might. Not only was the table hit, but so was I. I guess he’s not a huge fan of Dr. Phil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 327

Power move

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 22:02

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 820

Don't give a shit

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 01:00

Today, I realized that I'm a horrible uncle, I have two nephews and I don't know their age, nor birthday. They are twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 1 659

Time to move

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 03:00

Today, when a discussion with my roommate veered into politics, he made it clear he thinks I'm an instrument of his oppression because I'm not a communist. I pay rent and utilities, and buy groceries. He and his wife take up most of the space in the apartment and I keep the secret that she never stopped cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 315

Started from the bottom, now we're here

By Pushover - 25/08/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I actually felt good after being rude to someone. My avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety have made me like such a goddamn pushover that standing up for myself in any way, right or wrong, makes me feel proud of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 227

The voice

By Anonymous - 11/09/2023 10:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had to listen to some old phone call recordings at work, in which a certain worker had the most annoying high-pitched voice. To my horror, I discovered that they were my call recordings, so the annoying voice was my own. My colleagues all concurred they cannot stand the sound of me talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 177

Getting on

By Lexxxiii - 17/06/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that every time I play video games, my wrist and elbows always end up hurting so badly from holding my controller/handheld games. I always have to apply bengay and wear braces. Arthritis is creeping up on me harshly, and I’m still young so this sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 451

Romantic moves

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 298

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The Top

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 837

You deserved it 4 581

Today, the guy I like and his friend came home with me to work on a project. I opened my front door and my mum was at the top of the stairs completely naked, bent over, drying her hair with the hairdryer. It took a few moments for her to realise we were there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 341

You deserved it 3 113

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 197

You deserved it 37 295

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 294

You deserved it 14 395

Today, I was watching the news. Apparently a local pizza shop was shut down after pictures of a hundred cockroaches scuttling on the make table were posted online. In my hand was a slice of the pizza I had ordered there yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 040

You deserved it 518

Today, I was on a packed bus when my phone rang. I tried to answer, but my wired earbuds got tangled. I tugged too hard, yanking my phone out of my hand. It flew forward, smacked a man in the forehead, then bounced into a stranger’s coffee cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 353