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Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

by Nottheprettylady / 04/04/2009 at 9:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 1:21am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'll be bad for my social reputation." FML

by Jason / 11/22/2009 at 10:11am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

by mmvv / 02/08/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Love

Today, a kid I taught to swim became my new boss, at the pool that I have worked at for nine years. FML

by chlorinesmells / 05/30/2012 at 9:51am / United States / Work

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

by smellyhair / 11/02/2014 at 6:28am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I asked my best friend why she didn't ask our other best friend Anna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. She said, "She's too pretty. I need ugly bridesmaids to make me look better." I am the maid of honor. FML

by Neverthebride / 05/22/2009 at 6:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 6:54am / Sweden / Kids

Today, is my little sister's 16th birthday. I spent my last $20 on a gift for her, cleaned the house for her party, made an ice cream cake, and got her a rose. What did I get? "I hope you kept the receipt for this. Oh, and stay in your room during my party." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 3:25am / United States / Kids

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 2:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out like a sixteen year old at the high school prom with this guy I kinda liked. All of a sudden, he rolls away and tells me he's "finished." We both had our clothes on the entire time. He is 23, I'm 25. I didn't know that was possible. FML

by virginmary / 03/02/2010 at 7:38am / Reserved / Intimacy

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

by koletatlow19 / 03/05/2010 at 12:23am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

by moetplease / 05/03/2011 at 12:32pm / Singapore / Love