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Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38607) - you deserved it (2940)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

#13581194
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (2940)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm - animals - by danjoylovefun - United States (Colorado)

Today, after months of looking forward to my new fencing lessons and speculating endlessly about the people who might be in my class, I went to my first lesson. I was the only one who showed up. FML

#17739609
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (2940)

On 09/13/2011 at 9:30pm - misc - by ManinBlack (man) - Canada

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18621) - you deserved it (2940)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

#4196773
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55030) - you deserved it (2939)

On 08/01/2009 at 12:32am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19633) - you deserved it (2939)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

#15504213
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (2940)

On 03/26/2011 at 9:28pm - money - by fml - United States

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

#18145406
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39585) - you deserved it (2939)

On 11/03/2011 at 5:18am - misc - by Grounded (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

#17741306
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (2939)

On 09/14/2011 at 12:12am - love - by ppp - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

#17980491
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28267) - you deserved it (2939)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

#20433319
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24346) - you deserved it (2939)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by bpruitt95 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother-in-law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother-in-law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

#2593216
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67400) - you deserved it (2938)

On 06/04/2009 at 7:11am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

#19387576
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21385) - you deserved it (2938)

On 04/01/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)



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