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Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

#3364803
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57842) - you deserved it (3699)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

#8468411
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28182) - you deserved it (3699)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:29am - work - by underachiever (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, one of my usually unpleasant managers offered me a slice of cheese cake for doing a good job. I declined, but after some pestering on his part I finally accepted it. I have been violently ill for the past 2 hours. FML

#14279972
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30784) - you deserved it (3699)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

#18991007
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31014) - you deserved it (3699)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:52am - love - by ac-hoo (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

#19965538
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (3699)

On 07/20/2012 at 9:59pm - love - by Alanis (woman) - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61419) - you deserved it (3699)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I heard my skinny 14-year-old daughter tell her friend, "Ugh, I wish I had leukemia or something so that I could lose weight." Yes, she actually said that. FML

Today, it was my birthday, and my boyfriend got surgery on his gallbladder because he had big gallstones. After they were removed, he was still a little out of it from the morphine. He gave the gallstones to me for my birthday. Better still, his mom suggested I make a necklace out of them. FML

#3603411
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52458) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:02am - love - by gallstones (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58285) - you deserved it (3698)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

#4451238
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68993) - you deserved it (3698)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:57pm - work - by aw-wtf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

#8506785
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24357) - you deserved it (3698)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:19am - intimacy - by horny21 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

#14271579
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42390) - you deserved it (3698)

On 12/20/2010 at 11:15am - love - by pinkfloyd777 -



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