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Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

#14710569
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41668) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/25/2011 at 4:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in class when someone came in with a rose for me. My teacher made me read the card aloud: "I'm breaking up with you, happy Valentine's." It was from my boyfriend. FML

#14973711
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44013) - you deserved it (3102)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:14pm - love - by sexyredhead - United States

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

#20052248
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15903) - you deserved it (3102)

On 09/01/2012 at 9:58am - misc - by Chucho - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

#3579421
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47870) - you deserved it (3101)

On 07/08/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

#5187639
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51551) - you deserved it (3101)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

#19748698
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18490) - you deserved it (3101)

On 06/07/2012 at 7:00am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

#7972550
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31697) - you deserved it (3100)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm - love - by notababymama (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

#16328382
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26515) - you deserved it (3100)

On 05/24/2011 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I spent six hours driving between two airports to try and catch my flight. Two trailer accidents, two construction zones, three detours, and one police escort later, the airline wouldn't let me on the plane. FML

#15651361
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33484) - you deserved it (3100)

On 04/05/2011 at 2:13pm - money - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#17017856
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53321) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/07/2011 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23997) - you deserved it (3100)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28826) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

#20554757
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30992) - you deserved it (3100)

On 03/22/2013 at 6:49am - money - by Anonymous - United States



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