Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

#20709749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41412) - you deserved it (3055)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (3054)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45178) - you deserved it (3054)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

#915379
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63601) - you deserved it (3054)

On 04/11/2009 at 2:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

#5225291
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32812) - you deserved it (3054)

On 09/13/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

#18242720
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21747) - you deserved it (3054)

On 11/13/2011 at 11:46pm - health - by mintypoison (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

#697
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26730) - you deserved it (3054)

On 01/03/2009 at 10:55pm - kids - by sly - Sent from mobile version

Today, My roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

#12686
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23616) - you deserved it (3054)

On 02/06/2009 at 11:58pm - misc - by CBM2012 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45265) - you deserved it (3053)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58912) - you deserved it (3053)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

#18273711
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36521) - you deserved it (3053)

On 11/17/2011 at 4:27pm - health - by OUCH. - United States

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22096) - you deserved it (3053)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59421) - you deserved it (3053)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: