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Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

#7234315
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25032) - you deserved it (2932)

On 01/09/2010 at 11:11am - health - by Michelle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

#12782393
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28508) - you deserved it (2932)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by SeagullsShouldDie - United States

Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML

#20801253
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44065) - you deserved it (2932)

On 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm - kids - by ouch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42226) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

#4156850
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (2931)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent christmas eve googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good christmas. FML

#6933145
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22934) - you deserved it (2931)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:25am - animals - by suuuuuupucci (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29100) - you deserved it (2931)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

#17187293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (2931)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by anon - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at my boxing gym, an old man came inside and did the oddest drunk dance in order to serenade me. I'm a fighter and fine with taking punches to the face, but froze in terror at the sight of this. FML

#17545368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (2931)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:44am - misc - by No Action Fighter - United States (California)

Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

#19152626
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24790) - you deserved it (2931)

On 02/24/2012 at 8:26am - kids - by Joanne (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

#19692881
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (2931)

On 05/28/2012 at 10:05am - work - by emonsteadman - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

#20033419
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (2931)

On 08/21/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

#20698730
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59761) - you deserved it (2931)

On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)



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