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Sunday 30 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41544) - you deserved it (3909)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

#20440103
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53983) - you deserved it (4744)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:42am - love - by Emily (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML

#20432015
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11839) - you deserved it (37758)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by Weirdo (woman) - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

#20432522
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23347) - you deserved it (16969)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm - misc - by fuckinghicks (man) - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39839) - you deserved it (4041)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML

#20427916
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47335) - you deserved it (11587)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55681) - you deserved it (4358)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44026) - you deserved it (14599)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (27365)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53992) - you deserved it (4997)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19977) - you deserved it (53707)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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