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Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

#21410715
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (2359)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

#21410694
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27716) - you deserved it (2653)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:51pm - misc - by pasha - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

#21410667
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30585) - you deserved it (2003)

On 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

#21410548
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29841) - you deserved it (1837)

On 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm - misc - by hendrixisgod86 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

#21410455
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23493) - you deserved it (3481)

On 05/15/2015 at 9:58am - misc - by Anon - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to pick my brother up from work because he broke down crying. I arrived to find that apparently, you can get so stoned that serving a pregnant woman at a fast food joint moves you to tears over the miracle of life. FML

#21409953
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30169) - you deserved it (2213)

On 05/14/2015 at 10:23am - misc - by sistertaxi - Australia

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

#21409757
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27253) - you deserved it (3015)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Muralove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31154) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (3027)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26819) - you deserved it (2163)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
132 comments

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

#21408702
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26037) - you deserved it (1780)

On 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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