Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

by -1 Pair of Pants / 05/30/2016 at 3:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to make the switch from pads to tampons. My boyfriend ended up having to show me how to apply them. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2016 at 11:15am / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 10:20pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother "borrowed" my car and keys without asking me. He came back 4 hours later, alone and pale faced. It took half an hour of questions, interrogation, and finally threats before he admitted that my car is sitting in a ditch a few miles away, probably totaled. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2016 at 7:05pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother came out on Facebook, with a message including the words "I got nothing against gays. Except my dick!" I replied "Eww!" My second comment, "Eww because of the analogy, lol." disappeared among a load of replies tearing me apart for being a homophobe. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 11:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend got engaged. To get his girlfriend to say yes, he had to agree to dump me as a friend because she doesn't want him being best friends with a girl. FML

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

by rykelmb / 05/27/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

by ~~~~ / 05/27/2016 at 2:45pm / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered the effect the cream has that my mom gave me. It was for my acne and it worked, in a way. Instead of having a lot of little pimples, I now just have a few gigantic ones. FML

by RedFaced / 05/26/2016 at 8:11pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

by nomail / 05/26/2016 at 3:55pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

by NittanyMangini / 05/26/2016 at 12:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML

by Ew / 05/26/2016 at 9:02am / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous