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149967

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149967
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  • Number of visits : 968
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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149967's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46008) - you deserved it (13149)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113726) - you deserved it (71761)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76489) - you deserved it (4913)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

#2697150
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69265) - you deserved it (5381)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - intimacy - by BW (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28763) - you deserved it (133770)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

#1475433
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64271) - you deserved it (8473)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

#1040917
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42674) - you deserved it (20005)

On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86978) - you deserved it (12139)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

#600956
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21728) - you deserved it (111995)

On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95151) - you deserved it (9958)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

#416306
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18770) - you deserved it (67329)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by webcammistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64702) - you deserved it (26107)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56078) - you deserved it (15816)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

#232314
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21341) - you deserved it (62568)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52078) - you deserved it (13677)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)



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