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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

#4201087
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66825) - you deserved it (15303)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

#4188521
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42254) - you deserved it (8565)

On 07/31/2009 at 6:46pm - love - by deadbunnies (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

#4180457
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50486) - you deserved it (5753)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

#4176016
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48613) - you deserved it (2369)

On 07/31/2009 at 4:03am - love - by FreakedOut (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

#4175008
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40423) - you deserved it (4439)

On 07/31/2009 at 3:03am - love - by Andrexwife (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

#4154215
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42596) - you deserved it (7175)

On 07/30/2009 at 4:11am - love - by adsfkerfmpo (woman) - United States (California) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I got into a car accident. The car I hit belongs to my girlfriend's father. We never met before. He believes strongly in "first impressions." FML

#4153520
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38429) - you deserved it (5930)

On 07/30/2009 at 3:20am - love - by LevKin (man) - Canada (Quebec) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48406) - you deserved it (2577)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11340) - you deserved it (68546)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

#4136342
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75002) - you deserved it (3552)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40410) - you deserved it (6186)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, to cheer my girlfriend up after her mother died a week ago, I took her to a comedy club. The comedian's theme for the night happened to be mother-daughter relationships. FML

#4087171
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55886) - you deserved it (7175)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:33pm - love - by RupeeLink - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

#4076767
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37679) - you deserved it (23605)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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