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Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30677) - you deserved it (8704)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

#17589852
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40209) - you deserved it (3780)

On 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by candie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
679 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (49239)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

#17560241
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28514) - you deserved it (5755)

On 08/23/2011 at 5:55pm - kids - by BerzerkelyBongBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

#17557352
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34876) - you deserved it (4415)

On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

#17547713
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (2887)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by rene - United States (Texas)

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

#17545314
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (3827)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:38am - kids - by Danielle - United States (New York)

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML

#17534893
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32169) - you deserved it (5362)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:48am - kids - by callofdutyhater - United States (California)

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

#17528012
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30250) - you deserved it (7931)

On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML

#17493123
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (2405)

On 08/16/2011 at 8:05pm - kids - by Awesome (woman) - Russian Federation

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33086) - you deserved it (2856)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13168) - you deserved it (34789)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

#17471195
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30779) - you deserved it (3608)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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