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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

#21308718
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28319) - you deserved it (2294)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:29pm - kids - by Greatgrandpa (man) - Curacao

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

#21308491
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40609) - you deserved it (2566)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

#21307526
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29008) - you deserved it (11895)

On 11/28/2014 at 1:07pm - kids - by Ruinedchristmas (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

#21304463
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31463) - you deserved it (4323)

On 11/23/2014 at 12:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

#21303913
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30733) - you deserved it (2288)

On 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm - kids - by uterurist (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

#21303819
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32408) - you deserved it (3755)

On 11/22/2014 at 10:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

#21303585
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/21/2014 at 10:29pm - kids - by angkal2002 - Australia

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

#21300667
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32103) - you deserved it (3552)

On 11/17/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

#21299949
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34982) - you deserved it (3422)

On 11/16/2014 at 12:29am - kids - by wtfdad - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

#21297177
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32313) - you deserved it (2238)

On 11/11/2014 at 6:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - France

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37667) - you deserved it (4670)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32849) - you deserved it (4206)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40276) - you deserved it (3424)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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