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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35254) - you deserved it (6970)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

#21423302
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23291) - you deserved it (1791)

On 06/09/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by foreveralone - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

#21421959
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25141) - you deserved it (2234)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:17pm - kids - by diapersplease (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the only way I can pay my bills this month is if I steal from my 8 year old's birthday money. FML

#21419713
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26524) - you deserved it (5683)

On 06/02/2015 at 1:58pm - kids - by Cammi0 - United States

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

#21419303
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28443) - you deserved it (7111)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm - kids - by pheonixxe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29487) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33366) - you deserved it (2088)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25882) - you deserved it (3107)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

#21414323
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (2656)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:51am - kids - by DaoOfPow (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (4558)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML



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