Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my daughter asked me if we could adopt a child. I said no, since we can't afford to support another child. She then asked me if she could just adopt another dad instead. FML

#21504401
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (1980)

On 12/16/2015 at 10:28am - kids - by anon (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

#21504328
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23817) - you deserved it (1886)

On 12/16/2015 at 4:10am - kids - by Teacher (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

#21502733
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20502) - you deserved it (5599)

On 12/11/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by ilovekids? - United States (New York)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter watched The Lion King for the first time. Now, whenever I ask her to do something, she replies "Hakuna Matata" and doesn't even get up. I think she took "no worries" to mean "don't give a shit about anything". FML

#21500134
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23352) - you deserved it (2635)

On 12/04/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

#21500083
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23886) - you deserved it (4404)

On 12/04/2015 at 4:47pm - kids - by Suckered (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spoke to a highly recommended therapist for my special-needs child. After 45 minutes of describing our challenges, heartbreaks and other very personal information, she told me that her schedule was permanently full. But she invited me to go through the phone book to find someone else. FML

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

#21498607
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22233) - you deserved it (2298)

On 11/30/2015 at 4:27pm - kids - by jimmy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my parents I don't really like children and probably won't have any in the future. They sat me down and gave me a lecture on how people who hate kids are heartless. FML

#21496649
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21886) - you deserved it (3496)

On 11/25/2015 at 12:30pm - kids - by Anonymous - Switzerland (Fribourg)

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

#21496646
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22913) - you deserved it (2254)

On 11/25/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

#21496628
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23015) - you deserved it (2190)

On 11/25/2015 at 10:50am - kids - by ashamed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

#21496534
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25520) - you deserved it (2649)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:00am - kids - by coolest_mom (woman) -

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

#21496255
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24489) - you deserved it (1592)

On 11/24/2015 at 12:45pm - kids - by wellfuckyoutoo - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

#21496064
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22129) - you deserved it (2290)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm - kids - by sydcaller618 - United States (Indiana)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: