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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

#21287500
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34325) - you deserved it (6628)

On 10/29/2014 at 4:19am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33283) - you deserved it (4525)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35033) - you deserved it (4121)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

#21283412
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32198) - you deserved it (3441)

On 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41206) - you deserved it (5019)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30003) - you deserved it (2871)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31738) - you deserved it (4329)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32131) - you deserved it (3028)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30218) - you deserved it (4764)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34574) - you deserved it (4313)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34267) - you deserved it (12256)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28965) - you deserved it (3072)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States



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