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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

#20879909
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42357) - you deserved it (5002)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

#20879598
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37725) - you deserved it (6048)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39830) - you deserved it (6268)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54707) - you deserved it (8947)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (73551)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

#20873371
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44694) - you deserved it (3839)

On 09/08/2013 at 7:20pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

#20871829
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36441) - you deserved it (3215)

On 09/07/2013 at 6:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out my kids only remember my birthday because it's the password on the iPad. FML

#20871062
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41181) - you deserved it (5136)

On 09/07/2013 at 4:22am - kids - by Sean - United States (California)

Today, my 17-year-old son hacked off the legs of his bed with a saw. His explanation? "The bed looks cooler closer to the floor." FML

#20870098
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35906) - you deserved it (4278) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/06/2013 at 7:56am - kids - by Anonyme - France (Basse-Normandie)

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

#20867513
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45550) - you deserved it (3567)

On 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by mother to an ugly doll - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail after he punched a convenience store clerk in the face for running out of Cheetos. FML

#20867149
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37621) - you deserved it (3190)

On 09/04/2013 at 3:00am - kids - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39685) - you deserved it (4334)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

#20864621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41105) - you deserved it (4665)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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