Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
I agree, your life sucks (53075) - you totally deserved it (24558)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
How old is your son? You'd think he'd either be old enough to know what it is... or young enough for you to successfully hide it from him.
I agree with #9.
I assume he was young because if he knew what it was he wouldn't touch it. But why couldn't you hide it better from him?
#12 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:05pm by bonafidehustler
smart job leaving that around for your kid to find, and that must have been one embarrassing phonecall
#17 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:07pm by hanananana
EEEEEEW U LET YOUR KIDS TOUCH IT??? THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!
#19 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:10pm by DaFluffyGoldfish
#5, where do you expect her to keep it? In a locked safe behind the picture of Grandma and Grandad hanging at the top of the landing 7ft off the floor with a high-tech alarm system and a self-destruct mode if the fingerprint scanner recognises it to be the fingerprint of someone under the age of 18?
#20 - That's what parents wish they had.
OP - I suggest you learn to hide things better.
#23 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:14pm by redbluegreen
How big is the dildo that he can "make" a "sword" out of it?? Are we talking a 12 inch doubleheader here?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA awww poor thing, im sorry! i mean...how embarrassing for you, your son and the teacher haha. to everyone raging and saying BAHH HIDE IT BETTER, i remember being a kid and going through everything, just cause i was curious. there is no privacy with children. none lmao.
LMAO greatest FML, so what if she sucks at parenting guys, this is funny as hell.
#29 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm by fuckmyl1f333
and this is why we keep the yardmonsters out of the bedroom. hell find daddys replacement for business trip week.
also: sword of death could explain the weird noises he hears from your room whenever its used. just a thought.
Shit. This was seriously SO funny that before I could even laugh my eyes just welled up with water. LMFAO!!!
#38 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:31pm by iroquoiswho1033
LMFAOOOOOOO
YDI for letting it be accesible to your child,
wanna try a lock on your closet maybe?
i definitley agree FYL ,
:)
oh and LOL@11
Wow. That just seems wrong on so many levels... a least it wasn't a vibrator... then it could have turned out all the worse >.
#48 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:45pm by EXc0municated
Lmao this was hilarious. Haha, imagine if penis were called sword of death? Your son already has xp chasing girls with his sword of death. Tehee.
HAHAHAHAHA. Good shit. It gets more and more creepy the older he is..
#52 - On 05/21/2009 at 8:52pm by DizzyDemon0
You deserve that for
1. having it
2. putting it somewhere he can reach it
3. sending your kid to school without knowing what he's bringing
I think you're all underestimating kids. They can find ANYTHING ANYWHERE. My mom once hid hers deep under the couch in her room behind magazines and I still found it. Because I was a kid, I didn't know what it was, and I was naturally curious.
Cut this woman a break. Kids will be KIDS!
So I take it the OP had one of those wacky dildos that lit up or something? Or had studs or vibrated like an earthquake? How else does a kid call it a sword of death let alone think it'd be fun to play with?
Now whenever you use it, you can pretend your muff is some violent dragon unleashed and the SWORD OF DEATH is the only weapon able vanquish it. I also suggest making hungry NOM NOM NOM sound effects like it's closing its mouth around some poor knight. If you don't shave down there, it'll look angry, which is even better.
#56 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:10pm by Nakedsquirrel
i remember when i was in 6th grade and me and my friend found his moms dildo in her dresser and proceded to sniff it....wow is that an fml?
#57 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:11pm by lespaulhero
OH GAWWWWWWWWD!!!! I thought a dildo was your dick or something but a sex toy?
1. Why on earth did you keep it unless your young becuase old people other than playboy prob wont used "sexy dirty toys!"
2. HOW DID HE GET IT KEEP IT SAFE!
3. Atleast he didn't know what it was.
4. Be ready cuz 10-17 think wrong and giggle bout balls and pervert EVERYTHING I only know a few cleanish kids. Like if you say OMG THAT DUDE IS CHUNKY LIEK HELL! kids will say "yeah how can he have "it" he eaither squshes his wife or she goes on top of him for fun time." never say can i have your ball (when ur asking for a basket ball/etc.)11 year olds will luafgh! lol! They might say ewww heheh no and tell their friends. Add detail like tennis ball.
5. B CAREFUL BOUT SWEARING!!!!! KIDS swear like alot! school is filled with perverted kids and swearin ones.
6. LISTIN TO WHAT IM SAYING IM A KID I KNOW BE AWARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how old is ur kid tho
now years from now there's gunna be an FML that reads:
Today, my mom told me that when i was ___ years old i took her dildo and played with it calling it my sword of death. Fuck My Childhood
#57. thats just funny and sick and YDI lol
this is hilarious.
"when i was younger i got chased by a little boy who was waving around what i now know is a dildo. FML"
#63 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:29pm by lostmymind16
i find it disturbing that they are ten year olds reading this site.
you guys don't need to know about this stuff yet. go have fun doing kid things. enjoy it while it lasts.
#68 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:37pm by fretforyerlatte
If he actually hits someone with it, it starts buzzing and then it becomes a SUPER Sword of Death!
Bzzzz...
#69 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:38pm by SiLveRStaRLIGHT
hahahahaha wow how could tou not know that he had it. I feel expecially bad for your son i wonder how young he is. that whole school did not need to know that or worse of all get chased with ur shit. fyl
#70 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:39pm by trapiadora
@ #58
Really? ... your a kid? I never would have guessed it from your flawless grammar and such an eloquent use of the english language. Don't get me wrong I'm not one of those people that badger others over simple/common misspellings/mistakes (i.e. their instead of there), but your post is in a league of its own. I couldnt understand half of what you wrote and the other half seemed pointless and way off topic. so, turn off the computer and go finish your elementary school grammar homework and leave commenting to us grown folk
and speaking from my own experiences there are few places you can hide something in a home that a mischievous toddler wouldnt find it
#71 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:45pm by kahyia
Bad parenting on your part. You shouldn't have those things laying around when you have a child. You deserved that one.
#73 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:47pm by audreyelise
:| 10 and 11 year old kids are commenting now? Is no where on the internet sacred anymore? Go play with some Power Rangers or something.. Wait - do kids still even PLAY?
FML
#75 - On 05/21/2009 at 9:58pm by Cunes
Uh...this FML sounds very familiar. I could swear the same thing happened to someone a few pages back.
#79 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:05pm by aceofdiamonds
LMFAO this is going in my favorite pile. My son is almost 2 years and my daughter is 5 months I even keep my toys up and out of reach of them. Find a new hiding spot momma.
#80 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:05pm by SweetestSin
I used to do that back when I was in elementary school.
ya those were the days..
chasing girls with dildos :)..
wtf, if you have a child you should have a husband, Right? And you should be able to enjoy him instead of the dildo. And thats is strait up nasty. What if you had herpies then your son would get some. Ewwwwww
Yeah there is no "hiding" anything when it comes to your kids, that's why if you're gonna have stuff like that, at least put it under lock and key!!! YDI
#89 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:42pm by kandyjohnson
Good thing he wasn't running around wearing your strap-on.
#90 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm by I_am_stupid_also
#20 wins
#31 Oh dear, really didn't need that image, thanks. Lol.
#71 Thank you. Much better than I could have put it.
#91 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:46pm by genius_man16
#71, although I agree with you, your grammar is terrible, so you really shouldn't talk. I think you were going for "you're" instead of "your," by the way. And THAT is an elementary mistake if I ever saw one. Maybe you guys can take a 2nd grade English class together or something.
As for the OP... I can only suggest that you buy that kid some candy because he's pretty much hilarious ^_^
#92 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:49pm by Travestie616
where did he find that?????!!!!! you gotta hide those things dude!!!
#93 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:50pm by Matzaball300
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....thats freaking hilarous! hope you learned your lesson to keep that put up!
haha, oh dear.
I was thinking it's more of a F the teacher's life.. awkward...
#97 - On 05/21/2009 at 10:59pm by dearjennyanyway
That really sux and is embarrassing.
Btw there are wayy too many lil kids up on here.
#98 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:02pm by lilcuti3pi389
#75 i agree, i dont think little kids play anymore, they've all become fat and insociable. Im pretty sure this is NSFK, they should be automatically redirected to lolcats.
#100 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:10pm by nushadow
#92, although i agree with you, your grammar is terrible, so you really shouldn't talk. When you typed "your," the comma belongs outside the quotation marks, and you should never start a sentance with "and". You're better off using a comma, like i did. In english, any number up to ten should be written out, so when you typed "2nd grade" it should be shown as "second grade", and lastly, you forgot to put a period at the end of your last sentance.
Sorry, but you obviously failed ur job of being part of the spelling police. You're fired.
Also, #102, you misspelled "sentence" and you said "ur" instead of "your" at the end. You have been fired as well. Good job.
#104 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:18pm by TheLetterZero
At least he wasn't chasing the boys with it. Maybe he knows what it is for. Next time, try keeping it in the freezer.
To #104, I was never part of the spelling police, I just really have nothing better to do... haha.
Also, when you ended your first sentence, (notice the spelling) you simply said "at the end". This is an unclear statement for the simple reason that "at the end" could be the end of anything. Although it is common sense to assume you were talking about my last sentence, this site proves that some people just don't have common sense...
This is one of my favorite FMLs EVER....hahahahahaha. "Sword of Death"....your kid is my hero. And I liked one of the comments that said "penissaber" too. :)
Everybody who stupidly whines about "you shouldn't have left it withing his reach" NEVER EVER has been anywhere near a child.
I remember well how both my brother and I could find ANYTHING in the house when we were kids, regardless of how well hidden it was.
Unless you have a safe with a good combination, expect that NOTHING is safe from the kids. They're worse than mice, they'll find anything. lol
#102, the comma NEVER goes outside the quotation mark. You're a complete and utter imbecile. And unless you're in 2nd grade, it's perfectly okay to begin a sentence with "and." See, I just did it. Teachers tell students not to because there's a big possibility that it'll be an incomplete sentence. Oh, and I never put a period at the end of a sentence when I replace it with a face. I feel that it looks disconnected. Learn to capitalize "I" and spell out "your," then we'll talk.
#110 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:34pm by Travestie616
what an akward phone call that must have been =S
lol funny kid!
#112 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:37pm by _HollieWould
hahaha. how about F the teacher's Life?
"Today, i was watching my class at break and I saw a boy chasing some girls around yelling "I'm gonna get you with my Sword of Death!" I went over to see what the problem was. Turns out he was chasing them with a dildo. I had to call his mom and tell her. FML"
#114 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:42pm by brown_eyed_girl
Hide it where the child can't find it? That's pretty embarassing... Good news is, all the teachers and staff have a good story and laugh at your expense now :)
i didnt think OP was that funny
#58 i can't even read your post, you're obviously to young for this site.
#116 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:43pm by UncleverName_FYL
LMFAO! My daughter use to find mine no matter where I put it.
#119 - On 05/21/2009 at 11:55pm by Rainisamazing
#110, God you’re fucking retarded. The comma DOES go outside the quotation mark because the comma isn’t part of the quotation. Your use of the comma there is a pause between the quote and “by the way”. Also, you shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” at all because when talking, “and” means we have something to add to whatever had just been said. You wouldn’t stop talking, then start talking suddenly to add on to what had just been said. You take a pause then continue to make sure your sentence flows, it just doesn’t sound right when everyone thinks you’re done talking and suddenly start again.
Nobody cares about if you feel like your poor smiley is ‘disconnected’ from all its friends, it doesn’t change the fact that it isn’t proper grammar. In fact, I would love to see what happens when you hand in an English essay with no punctuation and your excuse was you didn’t want the smiley faces to be lonely.
Lastly, it must take skill to look at what #104 said. “Ur” is internet slang for your, when typing, it just slipped out because I’m so used to typing that way.
Heres an FML! Today i caught my ten year old on FML reading posts and filling his mind with mature and potentialy disturbing content. FML. SERIOUSLY this site is not for YOU little ones! GTFO
I feel much worse for your son once he's older and realizes he brought his Mom's dildo to school. Better start saving now for his therapy sessions.
#122 - On 05/22/2009 at 12:02am by nicerdicer
i love how there are so many grammar nazis on here.. can no one actually post a damn RELEVANT comment anymore?
OP, that is so FUNNY. I would never even be able to look at my son with a straight face for as I lived if I were you.. Kudos.
#123 - On 05/22/2009 at 12:07am by brittanycraze
usually i like reading the comments but i feel like i just sat thru an english class.
spelling/grammar nazis are made of fail and aids...and annoyance.
oh and OP, that's fucking hilarious hahaha
Oh my. That is freaking hilarious.
For those of you who say it should be kept up or that she's a bad parent, you either don't have kids or are totally oblivious to them, because short of locking stuff in a safe, you cannot keep stuff away from kids. I don't care where you put it, they will find it. I remember that both from being a kid and from my own kids.
That being said, that is just super freaking hilarious. One of the best FMLifes yet. :)
then don't leave it lying around.
and I wouldn't use that now.. you never know where it's been..
#128 - On 05/22/2009 at 12:15am by pezgordo_1
LMFAO! man thats too funny. was it liek 17 inches or pounds liek the one that knocked the guy off in youtube or something
Funny how the grammar Nazis are the ones that you'll end up working for..
#132 - On 05/22/2009 at 12:41am by Travestie616
lol # 134 he probably called it that because he thought anyone standing within 5 ft of it would choke and die.
And hey at least he didnt bring it to school calling it his lollipop that never gets smaller!!
#135 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:00am by suaveneanderthal
wow. you have a son and you STILL need a dildo? what about your husband???
#137 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:02am by the_question_mar
#120 (miso1337): Punctuation goes inside quotation marks. So, it should have been "by the way."
#71 (kahyia) was right with using "your" as a possessive, instead of "you're" (you are) like #92 (Travestie616) suggested.
What type of dildo was it? Just if it was one of the realistic ones it could have been more akward.
I agree with the other posters that there are a lot of children here, considering that this is not really a child-friendly site.
If i read one more person trying to be a grammar Nazi i'm going to kill a fucking baby.
Seriously. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. All of you. We aren't writing a fucking dissertation. No one cares. It's the internet, people make typo's. Get over it and stop trying to sound smart, because you don't. All you do is just make yourselves look like a bunch of 12-year olds retards.
I hope you all die in a fire.
Good day.
#139 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:09am by genius_man16
Gosh, stop fighting about typing, grammar, spelling and punctuation. Who the hell cares? We aren't in english class.
Hide the dildo next time!
Lmao! I love how Travestie came in trying to be the grammar police and then got straight grammar nazi'd by miso1337.
This FML actually made me laugh, and I love that it is actually a true FML
And #139 when you said "typo's", since its not really showing possession of anything, it would just be 'typos'.
Good day.
kids are crazy! this was hilarious! I'm sorry oyu had to go through it...but it made my day! lol i remember when i was a kid i use to find my parents condoms....EVERYWHERE i didn't knwo what they were but i loved playing with them cause they always felt really cool! i would purposely go looking for them! my parents just told me they were balloons! BIG mistake!
#143 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:26am by blessed516
Be really careful if your kid has bunk beds. i had one with a removable ladder. i brought it with me everywhere. nothing was safe. fortunately if i ever found anything inappropriate i have blocked it out of my memory...
that should be in a movie
like american pie or something
xD
#146 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:44am by angelikat_17
Sword of death is the single most amazing name for a dildo I've ever heard. From now on when I'm with the wife, I shall suggest slaying her with the sword of death. This is your legacy to the world OP hahaha
#147 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:49am by Equinox987
#143 - your parents are weird and so are you. OP - that sucks but is extremely hilarious because I can only imagine what was running through the teacher's mind when she took away your son's 'Sword of Death'. Seriously... how do you even start that conversation?
Teacher: "Yeah, so your son was chasing girls in class today...
Mom: "Oh, you know boys will be boys..."
Teacher: "...with a giant dildo. And I must say Mrs. so-and-so... it might be a good investment to get one that isn't 18 inches long. Seriously, it'll be much easier to find hiding spots."
Did they give it back to you or do you have to wait til the end of the school year?? LOL I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself.
BTW - grammar Nazis, it would be a wise investment to stab yourself, because if you're getting upset over internet grammar... your life is already useless (although # 58 was pretty nonsensical)
#148 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:50am by toodrunc2no
awesome.
and everyone, fuck off. a dildo is not "dangerous", you don't need to hide it from a child. what harm can it make? is just a piece of plastic shaped like a penis. it's not like it's a gun, it can't kill you, there's nothing wrong with it. As long as it's clean, what's the big deal?
#20 is hillarious.
#35 is awesome.
If he is chasing the GIRLS in his class with his "Sword of death" maybe he is old enough to know 1. he likes girls and 2. he could have been holding it in his crotch area and chasing them.
makes sense.
FYL, but YDI
Omg........ your son touched your dildo :S:S:S:S
Yuck, I feel sorry for him actually.
#156 - On 05/22/2009 at 2:40am by Pepperolls
LOLOLOLOLOL! #20 !!
love it.
this is hilarious.
was "Sword of Death" some sort of code name so your child wouldn't realise it was a dildo?
thats awsome, if i had a dildo i would play swords with it to that would be hella funny!
#159 - On 05/22/2009 at 4:14am by trentwazhere
#71 FTW
Great FML, but I think I'm liking the comments even better :D
#160 - On 05/22/2009 at 4:19am by agneshatesyou
The placement of commas and full stops in relation to quotation marks is a UK/US difference. I'm all for grammar Nazi-ing, but none of you are right, per se. So just stop it.
OP: Teach your kid that it's not ok to go through Mummy's underwear drawer. I never found my mum's vibrator when I was a kid, possibly because my parents taught me this thing called "boundaries". YDI.
#165 - On 05/22/2009 at 5:50am by plethora
sword of death i could see knife of death exactly how big of a dildo do you need
#166 - On 05/22/2009 at 6:32am by voodootrucker
I love all these people going 'OMG YOU HAVE DILDO YOU HAVE CHILD YOU SHOULD HAVE HUSBAND... NO MASURBATION!!!1111!!!!!'
You guys are gonna have shit sex lives when you grow up.
WTF #54?! You have some serious issues. That's all I'll say.
A lot of you guys forget how curious children are. It doesn't matter how high up something is, they'll find a way to get it.
& wth? How did the commenting go from dildos to grammar???
#20- hilarious!!
Perhaps he was looking for Birthday presents, and accidentally found the Anniversary present
#170 - On 05/22/2009 at 8:04am by BrainDeadTrust
i only hope that one day i will be lucky enough to have a son like yours....
#174 - On 05/22/2009 at 9:21am by mollysewalk
@139: You're my hero and you're absolutely correct; they sound stupid. However, it's so funny to watch them hiss and squeal at each other like the idiotic little monsters they are. Bwaha.
@wowfmlife: I'm surprised no one made mention of your completely ridiculous comment. You sir, are a cad. The OP deserves it for HAVING a dildo? Seriously? What century do we live in?
The rest of your comment reeks of ridiculousness, but I'm not even going to touch that because your first statement was asinine alone.
#175 - On 05/22/2009 at 9:47am by absurdliaisons
#152: Heh. "Filth," huh?
And #175, I definitely agree, #45 was ridiculous.
Everyone: You can't hide crap from children. At one point when I was growing up, my dad kept his porn CD (which was *absurdly* high-tech storage at the time by the way) in a locked CD and floppy case. I decided to learn to pick locks one day when I was 8 or so just because I wondered what was in there.
#176 - On 05/22/2009 at 10:00am by regalarius
I've noticed most of the people calling her a bad parent seem to have feminine nicknames.
Also, just because she's a parent automatically means she must be married?
What if she's a widow?
Heartless bastards!
Haha! This was great. Fuck everyone who was involved in this life, though. The awkwardness...
#178 - On 05/22/2009 at 10:15am by floresntadolecnt
Where was it that he could find it????? Why are there so many parents on this site who leave stupid shit around where kids can reach it???
Some of you are soo harsh, you act like the kid found a gun.
I highly doubt the OP had it just laying around and in a spot extremely easy for her son to find.
Also, what is so wrong with her having a dildo in the first place?
Maybe she is a single mom, would it be better for her to sleep with random strangers?
Even if she is married or has a boyfriend, there is no law saying that once she has the real thing she is not allowed to have toys.
I am married I have toys. Doesn't mean my husband and I can't pleasure each other, but we are not always both home or in the mood at the same time.
#186 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:00pm by patray_angel
For everyone bashing this poor lady for not locking up her 'special friend', apparently you've never had that insatiable craving for hot, rubber, cock! There's no time to be fumbling with locks or drawers or velvet lined jewelry boxes. I'm sweating just thinking about it.
Unlucky.
I don't blame you for having one, but YDI for leaving it where the kid can find it.
#188 - On 05/22/2009 at 1:15pm by moleSG
My penis has a first name, it's S-W-O-R-D
My penis has a third name, it's D-E-A-T-H
(middle name is Of)
OP- wow that really sucks, but on the bright side, you're now a legend with your "Sword of Death""
149- the Birds and the Dildo's....priceless
Grammar Nazi's- That was highly amusing for me me to read. I approve. :P
#193 - On 05/22/2009 at 2:44pm by boatkicker
Ha ha ha ha ha! Sucks to be you!
Hey at least your son knows how to 'use it' (chasing all the girls). Isn't that great?
#194 - On 05/22/2009 at 3:08pm by Sucks2beYouxD
-sigh- after lots of being a grammar nazi, i finally have a comment relevant to the FML!!
btw i agree, i hate spelling police haha.
"i shall smite you, with my sword of DEATH!!" -whips out dildo-
"now FIGHT ME!"
wow it disturbes me that there are 10 yearolds on this site, I"m 16 and personally I think I didnt even know what sex REALLY was. And this 11yo knows what a dildo is. Ugh that's sick...
#199 - On 05/22/2009 at 4:45pm by smiley_girl
Why's everyone like "EEEEEWWW! U have a dildo!"
It's not her fault she has a less than satisfactory sex life.
Just because some of u little kids can get off watching the Jonas Brothers doesn't mean this lady can't have her own fun.
And to the grammar nazis, u fail.
The internet is the pinnacle of laziness.
If u want proper spelling and fact-checks, get up off ur cellulite-covered asses and go to the damn library.
Why is everyone asking where her husband is, since she has toys? Lest we forget, we're in an era where women don't need men to raise a child. Why can't a woman have a child and be single? Doesn't divorce come to mind? How about a dead beat dad? Or wait, couldn't it be that she is married, and they use toys when they have sex? Or just maybe, just maybe, hubby-poo doesn't exactly ring her bell, but she manages on her own? Hey, just because he might not be up to par in the sack, doesn't mean he's a terrible husband, or that she's a terrible wife (or mother) for using sex toys. How about you people drop the grammar police BS and mature a bit? For the record, kids will find everything and anything, no matter how high you put it, or how many layers of blankets or whatnot on top of it: there is no such thing as a "good hiding spot". And for those to said to lock it up: nothing is more sexy than trying to remember where the key is to a padlock or the combination to a lock, let alone trying to find a tacklebox to attach it to. Acting as if a dildo is a loaded firearm...You people are rediculous and immature. Evidently most of you people don't have children and seem to have forgotten what you were like as a child. Narrow-minded fools.
#201 - On 05/22/2009 at 4:59pm by blueangels7901
I’m pretty disgusted that you are so irresponsible that you leave something like that where your child could find it.
#202 - On 05/22/2009 at 5:23pm by SarlaccBits
Great, funny and a true FML. I'd hate to be have been in your shoes...
And about the other comments: it amazes me how immature, judgmental and ignorant this crowd is. This is the 21st century, sexual liberation for women has been around for a while now and kids, well, they've always been kids.
#203 - On 05/22/2009 at 6:16pm by The_Great_Zucchi
#58 that was pretty irrelevant and unnecessary; I'm sure the OP remembers her adolescent years.
This is the funniest FML I've seen in a long time. This actually made me 'lol'.
#208 - On 05/22/2009 at 8:34pm by RandomFool
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
that's adorable. Sword of Death indeed.
#211 - On 05/22/2009 at 10:05pm by Ibeapirate
lmfaoooo
most hilarious fml
that must have been that teachers most interesting day at work everr.
#216 - On 05/23/2009 at 1:37am by viiicwhoria14
wow. thats the funniest thing ever.
how do you punish a kid for that, though?
"you must write 100 times 'i will not chase girl's with my mommy's dildo in class' "?
Hahahahahahaha, that's beautiful. Kids are great. I hope when he learns what his "sword of death" was, he flips out for a second but then learns to laugh. Hahahahaha...*snort*..."sword of death".......:)
#219 - On 05/23/2009 at 4:27am by damnablefate
hahah!
if I was in that situation, the moment the phone was hung up, i'd be on the ground laughing hysterically.
the things kids do... priceless.
#220 - On 05/23/2009 at 7:24am by 0010110
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! Thanks so much for sharing that! It completely turned my self pity around!!! That was sooooooo funny. And my condolences by the way of the issue. Good Luck... :):)
#224 - On 05/23/2009 at 11:38am by missionofsuicide
He's got a good imagination, that one. There's a story to remember.
Time to burn the dildo and buy a new one (plus a simple lockbox).
#227 - On 05/23/2009 at 2:59pm by FoundManyLemons
lol that kid is going to need a lot of therapy later on. i think most people mentioned this already but top shelf or behind a lock is a good idea ;)
#234 - On 05/24/2009 at 5:37am by Kaylia22
hey to everyone out there saying kids shouldn't be on FML, im 14 and only in middleschool, and im pretty sure by now that us 'kids' have some wayyy better FML's then your "i got drunk lastnight" ones.
get over yourselves, its not like were ruining this website, so theres a few exceptions like #58, shes a dumbass, but really, us 'kids' have some good things to say too.
#235 - On 05/24/2009 at 10:10am by xo3velyn
LOL!!!!! u should tell him wen he's like 16 in front of all his friends.
and people, u can't hide things from kids. i think you're underestimating them, cuz they can find anything........ plus when you want to use your toys do you wannna have to remember a combination?? i know i dont.
and please all of the grammar nazis here should go somewhere else to continue your little battle. we have more important things to talk about like "the legend of the 'sword of death'" lol.
and kids can go on whatever sites they want. its not like theyre doing anything wrong and there gonna hear it in school anyway.
#236 - On 05/24/2009 at 10:32am by animedemons
If/when #54 and other shocked scolding commenters have kids, I think I'll open up a bubblewrap and cotton wool shop, they must get through reels of it.
#201 - Well said!
I think people without children should refrain from commenting on parenting issues because some of these comments are laughable. Unless they're the first parents in the world that haven't made a tiny mistake? Parents aren't superhumans, we all make mistakes in life and that doesn't stop when you become a parent. Be thankful the kid wasn't running around school with a bread knife! Really, it's harmless. I found my mother's vibrator when I was younger, and I'm not emotionally scarred.
As for the debate over whether a mother or not should have a dildo - what a joke! What is wrong with a happily married couple using sex toys to aid their fun? Are you all really such prudes? As for those who assume she must have a husband, what century do we live in again? Have you forgotten single parents exist? Or do you just disagree with them? What if your dad cheated on your mother, or God forbid, died? Anybody can become a single parent so quit this small-minded prejudice.
Also, the Grammar Nazis are pathetic - you must be school children, am I right in guessing? I hope so, for your sakes! Grow up, and if you're going to make a point, it might be an idea to watch your own spelling in the process.
As for the OP - this made me laugh until I cried, honestly. "Sword of Death" - aren't kids the best?!
#238 - On 05/24/2009 at 6:41pm by RavenBlackEye
URS CHILDS GOTS SPUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS A TOTAL EPIC WIN FOR MAKING MY DAY
but hopefully his *sword of death* was clean, and didnt touch anyone
i also hope none of the girls knew what it really was
#240 - On 05/24/2009 at 11:45pm by miscellaneousact
wow thats sucks you ppl need to relax she prolly had it in a drawer kids go through everything
#241 - On 05/25/2009 at 2:03am by calgaryman
1. LMAO!!!
2. You need to hide that a LOT better. Mabe in a top dresser draw or something? Come on there has to be somewhere you could hide that.
#242 - On 05/25/2009 at 6:20pm by Somebody52
I think that this is one of those things you just have to laugh off.
#243 - On 05/25/2009 at 9:34pm by giraffebreath
@58 wat the hell man that person is proabably a teen just maybe said kid on accident and to all the pther ppl who agree with him ur all proabably fat losers who need a life. i have a life but i go on this site for fun and guess wat? im a kid to 13 years [if u even count that as a kid]
#247 - On 05/26/2009 at 6:43pm by i_hate_my_life22
Just keep in mind, he may not know what it is today but some day he'll learn and remember and be scared forever.
#248 - On 05/26/2009 at 10:40pm by writerajere
I laughed for about 20 minutes after reading this one...i only HOPE its true. BTW if it is, FYL and YDI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bwuahahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!! double-deuce!!
#249 - On 05/27/2009 at 4:53pm by The_Master
LOL I remember my sister at like 12 or 13 finding our mothers ( shes deaf and had no idea it was called a dildo) came running out our mothers room and asked why our mother had a purple dead penis. I then had to explain to her why I women has a dildo. Good story for when hes older LOL
#251 - On 05/28/2009 at 5:24am by rhianna060
#54: Yeah true
#68: I've got no problem with 10 year olds reading this site. Plus it can't really be their fault that they are on FML and their parents arent seeing what their kids are reading... thats what the teachers constantly tell the parents when it comes to kids & the internet.
ehaaah DUDE that is funny. dildo or not you have to admire the kid's imagination :D...now i want a sword of death XD
I LOL'd @ #11 and #20.
I think this is just so damn funny. Main reason I'm laughing is because he's calling it a Sword of Death.
PENETRATIONNNNNNNNNNN
I spit Dr. Pepper on the wall laughing at this one. FYL indeed. At least he didn't try to "stab" anyone with it.
Find a place to hide it better. The best thing about kids is the fact that they can't reach high areas - say, the top of your closet, or a shelf high up in your bathroom.
Hahaha I found a sword of death once it was all moldy and gross but this is hilarious
#257 - On 06/03/2009 at 12:26am by
hah ! totally funny. i love how its called the "Sword of Death" :D
#259 - On 06/03/2009 at 4:01pm by ohbabyitsninaa
Wow anyone who said "why did u have it where he could find it?" is retarded. Kids find EVERYTHING. Excuse u for forgetting to lock it up in the sex toy Vault.
#260 - On 06/03/2009 at 6:04pm by counterspike
oh my gosh...this story is hilarious...at least for me and not you.
sorry it went down that way..but hey he's a kid let him have his fun
#261 - On 06/03/2009 at 6:38pm by bsbrulez92704
Why would you have it where he could get it? You really deserved that one!
#263 - On 06/05/2009 at 12:59am by beautyisahorse
You must be really lonely....haha dam I feel bad when he gets older and recalls that memory and KNOWS where it's been. Then your life will really be Fucked!
Genius_man16 your funny! "I hope you all die in a fire." ha!
--fox
#264 - On 06/05/2009 at 6:25pm by moonlit_manga
Wow, now that's a story you can tell his future wife!! LOL
#267 - On 06/09/2009 at 2:23am by karenmarie
LMAO…. No matter how high or away you put something a child will find what he is and is not looking for. So I feel sorry for you in the least being that I have 3 mischievous children in the home. Car trunk under the spare tire is the only place a child will not look. Sad that parents can’t have there privacy but that stops after the 1st child. Note check the book bag for now on. LOL
#272 - On 06/22/2009 at 2:48pm by l0velee1
Wowww why would you leave your dildo in plain sight of your son???
#275 - On 07/08/2009 at 12:00am by chelliejellie10
dear god that is fucking funny
but he probably was to young to know what it is if he called it a sword of death the other stickin up for this woman is that little kids can be for diggin through stuff
#278 - On 08/03/2009 at 12:08am by hellfire695
YDI for leaving your dildo around where your son can get to it. You're a mother, not some 20-year-old living alone with her boyfriend.
The fact that he was chasing girls with it makes me think that he knew what it really was.
#288 - On 12/08/2009 at 1:44pm by Sabbalabba1992
#114 I love it!
Why the hell are little kids in this site? If you still have a bedtime you should get off of here!!
No one cares about the grammar on this site.
OP I reallly want to hear how you explained that one... "He stayed the night at grandma's/friend's house last night..." ;)
