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Taday I putted my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, putted some sensual music on, an looool got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriendhen he cummed home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He cummed home an didn't come in my room fir 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

#5369463
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19773) - you deserved it (6119)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:17am - intimacy - by seminole711 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, Boss Asked Me To Take Some Of The Female Mannequins And Change The Outfits . As I Was Changing Them, I Realized That This Was The Most Action I've Gotten In Almost A Year . Not Only Am I Twenty-seven, But I'm Married . FML

#5346939
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23219) - you deserved it (3242)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally told mah fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I sufferd through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someoneho isn't ( pure looool ). FML

#5321781
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88457) - you deserved it (4405)

On 09/17/2009 at 9:36pm - intimacy - by Jackie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms an a vibrating ring I turn around to see mah ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly an puttd mah head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad an send mah 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23327) - you deserved it (6131)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

I tried to wake my usband up in te middle of te nigt by kissing im deeply and massaging is neck and soulders!! He opens is eyes looks at me says "No" and goes back to sleep!! FML

#5306041
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17364) - you deserved it (12950)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Todayhile My Grlfriend And I Were Getting It On , She Suddenly Stopped And Yelled ( STOP! ). I Stopped , Scared I'd Hurt Her. She Then Yelled ( HAMMER TIME! ) And Started To Dance. We Never Finished. FML

#5286193
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28619) - you deserved it (5088)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

TODAY I WAS IN THE BATHROOM DEFECATING WHEN I FELT SOMETHING HANGING THERE. I REACHD BACK WITH TOILET PAPER AND STARTING PULLING IT OUT INCH BY INCH; 3 FEET LATER I LEREND I HAD A TAPEWORM. WORST OF ALL, NO PHARMACY HAS THE MD THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBD. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS THING UNTIL THE MD GETS HERE. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61911) - you deserved it (3555)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

2day I told mah mother that I'm pregnant . She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex . I am 25 and have been happily married fir 3 yeres . FML

#5269126
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (2098)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Confused (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally decided to sleep with mah boyfriend. It was mah frst time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a vrgin and in a puddle of mah own wee. FML

#5268497
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7788) - you deserved it (30434)

On 09/15/2009 at 4:13am - intimacy - by mybad7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today,ile talking online wit ma boyfriend, te conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue wit te conversation. Ten I get a response: "tis is is sister. He fell asleep and I ned te computer. I'll tell im you said goodnigt, but not tat oter stuff". FML

#5266141
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24423) - you deserved it (7343)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was shaving an I snaazad unaxpactadly . I andad up cutting mysalf so badly that I had to go to tha amargancy room . It wouldn't hava baan quita so humiliating if I hadn't baan forcad to show tha axtramaly attractiva doctor my slicad opan an half shavad crotch . FML

#5248876
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24245) - you deserved it (4621)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

TODAY, I HAD DINNER WITH MY FAMILY AT A FANCY RESTAURANT. THEY KEPT COMMENTING ABOUT HOW COLD IT WAS AN ASKD THE WAITRESS TO TURN OFF THE AIR CONDITIONING. WHEN I GOT HOME, I REALIZD THE EMBROIDERD DAISIES ON MY UNDERSHIRT MADE IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GIANT PROTRUDING NIPPLES. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20821) - you deserved it (5250)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that when mah new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39180) - you deserved it (4013)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)



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