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Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

#3190821
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66311) - you deserved it (5539)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by GettingNone - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

#3176908
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46735) - you deserved it (27494)

On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

#3165290
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72928) - you deserved it (3163)

On 06/24/2009 at 2:13am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

#3143292
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24491) - you deserved it (67191)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

#3113124
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61987) - you deserved it (4867)

On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went out to dinner with my brother. There was a very attractive man sitting a few tables away who kept glancing at me. When my brother excused himself to the bathroom, the man worked up the courage to come over and introduce himself to me. He asked me if my brother was single. FML

#3104897
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60510) - you deserved it (4547)

On 06/21/2009 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

#3091198
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76379) - you deserved it (4626)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by picaru (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

#3085922
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52232) - you deserved it (2774)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:05am - intimacy - by Steph (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

#3078421
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59324) - you deserved it (25640)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by jinxofsocal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

#3073543
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56673) - you deserved it (15703)

On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

#3069493
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50826) - you deserved it (5349)

On 06/20/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by groom (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

#3068602
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63688) - you deserved it (3556)

On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)



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