Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18400) - you deserved it (3463)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML

#6825049
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23558) - you deserved it (6271)

On 12/19/2009 at 6:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

#6809033
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15779) - you deserved it (8233)

On 12/18/2009 at 10:20am - intimacy - by eatmyshipoopie (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7641) - you deserved it (20567)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

#6791694
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27383) - you deserved it (2197)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:35am - intimacy - by turriblebday (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

#6773256
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24030) - you deserved it (3841)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Unsatisfied (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

#6768891
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28875) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

#6753336
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22775) - you deserved it (9465)

On 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Gassy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my husband that while he was away I had had a miscarriage. His response? "If you can't take care of our baby while it is still inside you, how can I trust you to take care of it when it comes out?" FML

#6752846
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36145) - you deserved it (2935)

On 12/14/2009 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by sadsadlady (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the S and M catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

#6738802
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7032) - you deserved it (15330)

On 12/13/2009 at 1:55pm - intimacy - by sorrydad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

#6734413
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6665) - you deserved it (19665)

On 12/13/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

#6731473
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23393) - you deserved it (5245)

On 12/13/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

#6718371
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20086) - you deserved it (3761)

On 12/12/2009 at 2:28am - intimacy - by Laura_2118 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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