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Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18248) - you deserved it (5272)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

#5306041
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you deserved it (11937)

On 09/17/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by turnoff (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

#5286193
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (4756)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

#5276065
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59582) - you deserved it (3344)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

#5269126
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (1606)

On 09/15/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Confused (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin and in a puddle of my own wee. FML

#5268497
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6833) - you deserved it (26638)

On 09/15/2009 at 4:13am - intimacy - by mybad7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

#5266141
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19372) - you deserved it (6439)

On 09/15/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML

#5248876
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21671) - you deserved it (4295)

On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17713) - you deserved it (4772)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML

#5228952
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36910) - you deserved it (3827)

On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I told my boyfriend of 2 years that I was pregnant. His response? "That's neat. But we can still have sex, right?" FML

#5222877
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (4044)

On 09/13/2009 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sunlightchild_14 (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21983) - you deserved it (3550)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

#5201743
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (2186)

On 09/12/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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