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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

#12816242
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (6695)

On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

#12803986
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34824) - you deserved it (7219)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

#12800426
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36667) - you deserved it (15000)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

#12797792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (4846)

On 08/29/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Matt - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML

#12792346
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38203) - you deserved it (24899)

On 08/28/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Sicko - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

#12782161
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28115) - you deserved it (7121)

On 08/28/2010 at 1:49am - intimacy - by JessykaB - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML

#12776865
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31771) - you deserved it (8768)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by gleefan116 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were role playing when her mum walked past the slightly open door, saw me, and chased me out of the house for stealing her baby's innocence. I was only wearing a red speedo. FML

#12775979
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13911) - you deserved it (37137)

On 08/27/2010 at 7:16pm - intimacy - by yeah - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

#12769605
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28184) - you deserved it (12335)

On 08/27/2010 at 8:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44595) - you deserved it (4781)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

#12758397
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13405) - you deserved it (50721)

On 08/26/2010 at 5:17pm - intimacy - by Eeeek (woman) - Bulgaria (Varna)

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

#12753768
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15772) - you deserved it (51981)

On 08/26/2010 at 9:32am - intimacy - by H8TR (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

#12752465
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9298) - you deserved it (66572)

On 08/26/2010 at 6:09am - intimacy - by fmylife (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)



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