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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

#2302779
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43978) - you deserved it (7135)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:23am - health - by squishyboy (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32314) - you deserved it (12455)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

#2169497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37697) - you deserved it (8186)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:39am - health - by crash (woman) - United States

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

#2071358
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45695) - you deserved it (2777)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:17am - health - by OUCH (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

#2043570
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57136) - you deserved it (3250)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:48am - health - by esk (man) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48771) - you deserved it (9359)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

#1962325
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49809) - you deserved it (3855)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:35pm - health - by ccc (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

#1952667
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37728) - you deserved it (3619)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - health - by FourKnees (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (139943)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

#1866535
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74976) - you deserved it (10813)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:19am - health - by bathroomseww (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42253) - you deserved it (2626)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50142) - you deserved it (9207)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML



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