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The Best of the Worst #7

Oh yes, you've read right! It's back! I know, it's been too long now. You wouldn't believe the amount of e-mails, PMs, Tweets, Facebook messages and drunk strangers coming up to me in the street, all wanting to know when the next "Best of the Worst FMLs" was coming out. Well, it's here now, wahey! We've sifted through past submissions to find only the best of the weird stuff, all so you can feel just a little bit better about yourself. How? Well, you can just imagine actually being one of the people writing one of these things. What must it be like inside their heads? I don't really want to think about it. Anyway, here we go.

If you've never seen one of these articles, the idea is that we receive a lot of submissions every day, and in amongst the usual stuff, we can sometimes come across some very strange stuff. Badly written, poorly thought out, low-IQ drivel that beggars belief and makes you fear for the author's sanity. Anyway, I'll stop blathering on now, and let you check them out for yourself. Strap on your crash helmet. 

 

Sk8 or die

Today I was figure skating with my skating partner and we fell. She skated over my dick and cut it off. FML


Fish friends

Today i was watching my new fish and they started humping each other. Now i have 2 sexualy in love fish.FML
 

Kelis be true

Today, I had a milkshake. It did not bring all the boys to the yard. FML
 

Man's best friend

Today i woke to my dog fucking me in the ass and now im sprouting 6 nipples by the hour.FML
 

OMFG

OMFG these girls commeted pictures of me on myspace so i did the same then they got mad at me told all there friends now the whole motessori lower grade HATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Now all my so called friends have turned on me and everyone wants to jump me!!!!!!!!! FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Smells like...

Today, I sneezed.. It smelt like dog urine… FML
 

Purple rain

today, I thought that if I dyed my pubic hair purple I could get the clown at the local circus to have sex with me:), well when I suceededly got him in my room so we could have sex, once he saw that my pubic hair was purple he refused and said he only likes girls with orange colored pubic hair, FML
 

Hit the gym

today, i was pumping iron in the gym and this bro took my protein powder, and put it down my shorts. obviously, i started a fight. but then this hot girl walked by and i got a rock hard boner, and the guy chopped it off. the protein powder went into the wound, and grew a new penis. YAY MY LIFFFFEEEE
 

Coincidence

Today, my friend whose name coincidentally starts with a C said “fuck” to my friend whose name starts with a K. FML. And i pee’d in the pool. FML. And i sneezed in my dogs ear and gave him herpes. FML. And when i slid down the firepole i got rugburn. Actualy firepole burn. FML
 

It pours

Today I was having sex with a turkey and I ripped its chode. My parents got a divorce. I have cancer. FML

 

That's it for this month. We'll be back next month, same time, same place, same oddball people. We hope you'll be back because you enjoyed reading these, we certainly enjoyed looking out for them. FYI: these are all compiled from the website started out, so to all of you who've tried sending in weird FMLs to try and get on this page: Don't. Until next time, be excellent to each other and have a glass of water now and then.

 

 

Bonus not-really-hidden, track:

 

Get down from there

Today I figured out my dead dog is on the refrigerator more than I am. FML

#1470 - About FMyLife - On 09/09/2014 at 10:16am by Alan - 99 comments

FML on vacation #3: Back to boredom

Most pessimists will say that all good things must come to an end. It's the same deal with your vacation in a shitty tent on the beach. Yeah, you were having fun, living it rough without Mom and Dad, no worries, no Internet, no homework. But's that all over now, baby blue. It's time to pack up your crap and hop on that bus, hitchhike, or drive that camper van back to where it all started: the tedium of everyday life. Everything has an end, just like life itself. That's why should enjoy most situations as much as you can; OK, some people believe in life after death, but what if there isn't anything? What if that two-week vacation in Costa Rica was the best thing that will ever happen to you ever? Depressing thought, isn't it? So, now you're on your way back home, because your life is once again going to get back into the mind-numbing groove. Can you feel the warm glow inside that tells you that you're nearly home, or is it more a sort of chilling dread? What is actually left of your vacation, besides a few flimsy souvenirs, some memories, and a bunch of sand in your shoes?



(The world's biggest car park was created on the road back from the beach, yesterday)

If you got lucky, as that damn song goes, you might have brought back an STD as a souvenir, but that means a quick appointment with your local doctor to get it fixed, otherwise your knob or whatever might fall off. You can't be too careful these days. Always wear a condom and a motorcycle helmet. For the rest of us, balance your check books. Have we got any money left over from all those fun fair rides? Do we still have a job waiting for us when we get home? I did act a bit strange on the last day, though. What was it? Oh yeah, I yelled out, "this job is pissing on my chips, I can't wait to get to the beach to drink rosé wine while watching the sun go down." Bosses don't like that sort of language. You'll see when you start your first day of work after your vacation.

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

There can also be a whole load of reasons why you don't want to come home. Getting back into the swing of things isn't necessarily a barrel of laughs. Day to day life is usually tedious. It means going back to work, or school, or college, and seeing the same old fuckfaces, who are going to tell you all about their wonderful vacation on some white sanded beach in a mystical land where they ran into Beyoncé and that guy who is always featuring on other people's records, and played ping pong with them, rather than finishing them off with a flame-thrower like you or I would've attempted to do before security stepped in. People who absolutely must tell you about their vacation are walking FMLs. And you score double points if they have their smartphones to show you all the pictures. "There's the hotel, it had a gym, see... I didn't go into the sauna because of my cystitis, hahaha. Did I tell you about the ping pong tournament with Beyoncé and the guy who does all the featurings?" Kill me now. I usually pretend to not have been anywhere, and only go when it's not a school holiday to avoid people who can only go with their obnoxious kids. It must be horrible having to plan your life around your child's calendar. Oh go on then, show me that picture of your feet by the pool, the one with your toes spread out wide that everyone else does to post on Facebook to say "I'm on holiday, tosspots, you're not". Wahey, there it is. Well done. 


(Airport security has done a lot for the train and bus industry)

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

The trip home is obviously less fun that the trip out. Everyone is tired from trying to make the most of it right up until the last moment, but the flame is no longer flickering in their eyes. They are dead inside. They just want to go home and watch Cops. They're in a bad mood, fights break out around the luggage carrousel. Speaking of which: all you people who crowd around the carrousel while you wait for your suitcases, stop doing it. It's really annoying. Stand back so people whose luggage is actually going past can get through and grab it. There. Rant over. Once out of the airport, the train station, the car and into their house, they should be ready for what's next. But nobody is. Coming home is once again a question of geography, it's still you, but in a different place. The slight anticlimax of the vacation means that you lie in bed thinking things like, "A few hours ago, I was on a beach in Antigua, now I'm back here. What was all that about? Why? Where am I going? Why don't I end it all today? Oh no, I want to see the next season of Homeland first."

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

Once home, some become depressed, crazy even. If you're on Facebook, maybe you've seen people who seem to feel the need to take pictures of their children all dressed up with satchels or bags on their backs on their way to their first day of school, and then post them on their Facebook timelines. Why do people do this? I think someone should look into the legality of this. Is this weird, or am I overexaggerating to make a comedic point? I can't tell anymore. 


(Photo of two children on their first day of school in France in 2014)

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

The long walk home is ongoing: some of you are still on holiday, some are on their way back, and some are taking their vacation now because they don't have kids and are thus smarter than most. I'm not doing anything. My life is pretty A-OK. If you do feel the need to take a break and go a long way away, maybe the life you are living is a bit shit. I know it's an easy thing to spout off like that, but instead of spending most of your time dreaming of vacations to come, why not change your life a bit, in such a way that you don't really feel the need to take breaks. That's what I did. As I said, it's easy to do, but I take life as a huge cosmic joke, nothing is taken seriously, which in turn causes me some problems with the establishment with regards to deadlines and stuff like that, but I wouldn't exchange my life for anything else. As Bill Hicks said, life is just a ride. So good luck getting back to the real world, and have fun more often if you can. Speaking of which, there's been quite a few Ice Bucket Challenges this summer, and I'd like to suggest an updated version for this autumn/fall : the Liquid Nitrogen Challenge. Who could I nominate? Hmmm. I'll let you know. Ann Coulter is an early contender. As always, be excellent to each other, and farewell Joan R.
Next week we'll be back to our usual illustrated FMLs, I hope! 

#1469 - Ramblings - On 09/05/2014 at 9:31am by Alan - 15 comments

FML's Labor Day BBQ

The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused. 

For those of us who don't live in those countries, what's it all about?  When I celebrate something, the thing I'm supposed to be celebrating is usually present at the time. When the local wine producers had a gathering of all the local alcoholics to present their latest batch of mind-melting stuff, there was wine on the premises. And me, obviously. When Kool and the Gang sing, "Celebrate good times, come on!", good times are also present. On Secretaries Day, they certainly don't get a day off. Not everything is as fun as Secretaries Day with lots of wine and Kool and the Gang playing all night long, though. So why do we celebrate working, when it's the most annoying thing we have to endure? If we didn't need the money to by light bulbs and hummus, we could do without work, and live in peace and harmony, and sail in metaphorical boats down a quiet river of tranquility. So, why do we still do it? 

(A chilling example of non-work ethics on Labor Day. Simply scandalous behavior.)

Although, I do like to sit around all day doing nothing. I'm very lazy, but working gives all of us a sense of purpose, even if we'd all wish we were in some sort of hammock with a ice-box full of cold drinks at arm's reach. If we could do that all day, we would. But we can't. According to my sources, AKA the Internet, historically, Labor Day is supposed to celebrate the social and economic achievements of the workers. I can respect that. But come on, some of those workers are the guys who designed the Furby and aerosol cheese. Why would we celebrate anything that makes money out of the toil of people whose sole purpose in life is to taint our collective unconscious, and devolve our species until we're back to where we started, a primordial soup, fighting about bone sculptures? Oh, sorry, wrong article. I thought I was writing something for my old philosophy teacher, and got a bit carried away with the teenage hyperbole.

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

Here on FML, work is one of the main subjects of complaints, whether it's from people doing the work, or others having to put up with the effects of someone else's poor job performance. Usually, low-end jobs are the worst. You know the ones: minimum wage, minimum motivation, minimum effort all round. No one cares, no one wants to do them, everyone accuses everyone else of stealing these jobs, usually "illegals", whoever they are, and then everyone complains once they're a customer, because someone once said the stupidest sentence ever known to man, "the customer is always right". No, the customer is self-righteous crapweazle most of the time. If people could just be polite and get along, that would be nice. As Bill and Ted said, be excellent to each other. People also say that working out is good for you. But is working good for you? Probably not. But still, every morning, if we're lucky enough to have a job, we get to still on a 67 bus, listening to Nick Drake, before sitting in a cubicle, or standing in front of a deep fat fryer, or something equally depressing. Wahey, life. 

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

Call centers are this generation's cannon fodder. Well, maybe not that bad. There's no trench foot, yet. Working conditions vary all over the globe, so everyone has a different story to tell. And oneupmanship is a common practice amongst the working class, as in, "Who's got it worse?". I spend my days in front of a computer with a couple of cats on my lap, so I've developed a shitty posture, and lifting something heavy at work led to two herniated disks and a dependency on some yummy pain killers. So be careful, work-related accidents can happen easier than you think. What was I lifting at the time? A big blue Ikea bag full of can of Diet Coke. Yes, ridiculous, I know. But if tell that story to someone who works down the docks who blew his liver out though his arsehole trying to pick a whole boat out of the water, I'd sound ridiculous. So I keep it quiet. I just say it's from when I was a soldier in the '80s or something. l

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my work mate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

That's the thing. The clients can be bad. Co-workers can be just as bad. But at least clients go away. Co-workers are here to stay. It's like a second family, so if your real family is already crap, chances are you won't like the one you'll be getting at work. I have made some fantastic, lifelong friends through work. But I've also met some of the worst people ever. I could give you tips on how to spot them during your first day at work, but that'll be for a different article. This is all about Labor Day, and celebrating the workers, not cutting them a new one.

Today, while cleaning tables at the fast food place where I work, I had to remove two human teeth from a table top. FML

You'll meet normal people, thankfully. If you didn't come across some great people while working, you'd probably become deeply depressed. You'd start out your professional career with a spring in your step and a bright outlook on life, then end up with 40 extra pounds on your twisted frame, a beard, an addiction to nail polish remover and one of those silly electronic cigarettes constantly sticking out of your snout. And that's just at the end of the first year. 

(Yet again another example of someone doing bugger all on a National Holiday)

Certain jobs lead to too much stress, and can find you in a situation where you take on too much because that's what expected these days, you're supposed to be glad to be employed, so take what you're given to do, and shut your pie hole matey, which leads to what some people who wear glasses and suits and who work in the management sector call a burn-out. This term comes from airplanes or cars or something to do with gasoline, or a barbecue, something which means that there's no metaphorical fuel left and your brain and body just shut down, you can't do anything except babble and dribble and become YouTube-commenter level incoherent and irrational. You need to slow down. If you're not trying to cure cancer or save lives or building a rocket that could fly Ann Coulter into the sun, your job isn't worth dying for. Look after yourself, you nitwit.

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

So, Labor Day. What do people do on Labor Day? I haven't a clue. The general idea of why it's a holiday may be lost on some people. I had to look it up, but now I know it's not just about getting a day off work to go and eats ribs round at Big Ed's. It's about people in the past who fought for certain things, and sometimes, with all the jokes and cultural references that go bouncing around, we forget why we do certain things. Signifiers get lost. So let's not forget this one, but still have fun because a day off work is still something to be treasured.

There will still be those of you who will be working today, either in service industries, other jobs or people who live in countries where this day doesn't exist or isn't on this date. Or people who don't care. If you're one of those people, I'm glad you made it to this last sentence, well done for hanging in until the end, and have a nice day anyway!

#1468 - Ramblings - On 09/01/2014 at 4:30am by Alan - 20 comments

Jim Trim's Illustrated FML

Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still on holiday, technically, but I'm here today for a very special guest, a very special appeal, and a very special party on Saturday night. Not that the party is related, I just felt like mentioning it. We'll skip over this week's events, the real world is too much of a scary place; we'd rather concentrate on the world viewed through the prism of this week's illustrator, who has made it his mission to explain certain parts of it to younger generations. Let's check it out.

JIM TRIM'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Favourite biccy...hmm... That's a thinker! I'm going to be British and say custard cream, please forgive me! FYI, worthy contenders were Shortbread and Nice."

Self-portrait Jim by James

 


Jim Trim is a fellow Brit. That's not why he was selected to appear on FML, I'm not the kind of person to favour my fellow countrymen, that would smack of nepotism of something. He's on a mission, which I will explain in a little while. So, who is this guy, and what does he want ?

His info:
Age: 22
Location: Greater London.
Website: The Jim Trim website
Her illustrated FML: The one about the "Help Wanted" sign
His Kickstarter link: Take a look at the children's book he's producing, and give generously


We got to know Jim after we heard of his Kickstarter campaign. Jim is trying to get his children's book of animals out there, and we thought it was a great idea! So, in exchange for a bit of promotion, he created a wonderful illustrated FML for us. "It originally started off as a few character designs and I thought, hey - why not do one for each letter of the alphabet. Hence, 'Jolly Jim's A-Z of Amazing Animals' was born. It's a children's book, but the characters will hopefully entertain big kids too!" The visuals are certainly unique, as you can see from this article. Click on the link right above to see more. "The designs are animation-inspired and meant to be as funny, charming, extroverted and exaggerated as I could create. They're meant to be educational, but also entertaining and will teach children about where animals come from around the world - and is ideal for parents reading with kids." I've tried reading things to kids and it's a nightmare, but then again, they're not my kids, I have a goofy face, and they take advantage of my good nature and run riot all over the place. I've still got the bruises to prove it.

 Who is Jim? "I've always been interested in art, but only really started drawing 4/5 years ago and am trying to 'catch up' ASAP. I'm a recent graduate of animation and I'm aiming to be an animator, with dreams to maybe direct someday, as I can't help but be fascinated with every aspect of film-making and animation. The reason why I love animation especially is the ability it grants to exaggerate anything and everything beyond reality, and the thing I like to exaggerate most is facial expressions, hopefully this is visible in my drawings." It certainly is, all the while retaining a certain realism. 

I really love the dog and the elephant, but I'm guessing there's so much more to see! "In the next few years, I'm hoping to finish my short animated film which hopefully, above all else, will be funny, as I love comedy (who doesn't!) Since graduating, I've done a few freelance illustrations for books, a fair bit of free work, some internships…" Yes, the usual groundwork most illustrators that I get to interview have told me about. "But at the moment, I've kind of stumbled into illustration and am trying to self-publish a book for children that I originally started during university." Fingers crossed. Remember, you can check out more of the book by clicking on the Kickstarter link, and maybe chip in, it's all here.

Jim isn't just an illustrator, oh no. He's an all-round artist, and dare I say it, entertainer: "I play piano, have done tap and jazz (albeit some time ago now) and love singing, theatre... Basically anything creative." That's quite a lot of things to fit in. I barely have time to do anything these days, what with my busy schedule of watching Celebrity Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother's Bit on the Side, cleaning my cat's litter tray, sleeping, falling over in the street. It's a full, full-on life we live.

So what else do you do in your spare time, if you have any? "In my spare time (there's not much of it!), the main blog I follow is Deja View, and metaphorically drool over all the beautiful hand-drawn animations from Disney animators years ago. I like to watch movies, musicals, animated films... Also, I do look forward to a nice long walk at the end of the day, by which time my eyes are somewhat busted from sitting at a screen all day... and are in need of some daylight." I hear you on that one. Starting at my screen at FMLs and FML related "things" does my eyeballs no good at all. You wouldn't believe the levels of insults and metaphorical dog turds that get thrown at my brain-box on a regular basis. Weaker men than me would've thrown the towel in years ago. I'm not saying that I'm fighting a harder battle than someone in a war-torn country, but when I watch old war movies about the Dambusters or the Battle of Verdun or that thing with the Mexican drug cartels cutting peoples' heads off with chainsaws, I just think, "Pah, piece of piss."

How about one of your own personal FMLs? Any phobias you would like to share ? "No phobias, no particular FMLs - my life is pretty normal and boring in that sense - ALL the interesting stuff goes into my drawings and illustrations, yes, as I'm always watching, as in people's quirks, unique expressions, habits and ticks which make creating characters one of the most fun and fulfilling things to do that I can possibly think of. I just love creating characters, that hopefully will entertain and be loved too by readers." Be careful with the "I'm always watching" statement, people seem to frown on that these days. I jest of course. Inspiration from the outside world is the key to realism, which you seem to have moulded into something quite unique.

That's it for this week. Thanks to Jim for taking part, you've got something special going on. We hope your Kickstarter (another link, another plug) takes off and you manage to finance your childrens' book. Maybe when you're rich and famous, you'll come and make us another illustrated FML, who knows? As for me, well, I'm back to work on monday, and I'm not very happy about it. I have dreams of moving down to the ocean to live in total harmony with the waves, away from everything and everybody, wearing the same Stone Roses t-shirt everyday, not having a care in the world. But life isn't that simple, what's that saying again? "Life is like a box of chocolates : you open the box and someone has already eaten all the nice ones and has left the crap liqueur ones you hate." Next week, no illustrated FML, it's the third and final part of FML on Vacation, which will be all about returning home. So expect bitterness and anger. Until next time, be excellent to each other, and here, have a listen to the Stone Roses.

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1467 - Illustrated FML - On 08/29/2014 at 1:54am by Alan - 5 comments

AD_e's Illustrated FML

Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't even want to think about them. Denial is the key to a happy life. However, sometimes, life hands you things that you just can't brush under the carpet. That's sort of the theme of this week's illustrated FML, so let's get straight down to the nitty-gritty and take a look. 

AD_e'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"The nickname AD_e needs to be with the capital letters like that and the underscore, otherwise it hurts my eyes."

Self-portrait AD_e by Adeline

 


AD_e is short for Adeline. That's her nickname, her persona and it appears that you shouldn't write it any other way. She comes all the way from Belgium, like so many other talented artists.

Her info:
Age: 22
Location: Charleroi, Belgium
Blog: AD_e's blog
Her illustrated FML: The one about the raffle and the duck


She's a student. She's even a graphics design student, and a "full time amateur sketch artist". She lives in Charleroi, "you know, the city that's known as the Brooklyn of Belgium, haha. My city is cool, my city is pretty despite what the rumors say." I hadn't heard any rumors about Charleroi, but now I'm going to be careful if ever I go there because it seems like you could easily get knifed there. She says she loves doing what she does, that drawing is "a passion that helps me escape this crazy world, to lose myself in my thoughts, to... to... I digress." She doesn't want for much in life: "I've got a cat, a great apartment, my XBox360 and Sting, the sword from the Lord of the Rings... so I don't think I need much else. Come to think of it... if I could have a light saber, that would be fantastic!" I meant realistic things, but people say that you have to demand the impossible.

So, how about projects? Anything current going on? "It's still top secret so it shouldn't be spread around too much but I'll let you in on it anyway: I'm working on my second home-made comic book (drawn, printed and sold by me)." As for projects, she's got loads bouncing around her head. Her dream is to publish a real comic book, "properly made and everything, in bookshops. Making illustrations for a children's book would be really cool. As would making a colouring book be. They're on my list of things to do in my life. As well as being published on FML and touching an iceberg, dressed as a Jedi, while riding a shark who is wearing a sombrero..." OK, well, I can just do the "being published on FML" part, I'm not qualified to supply the rest.
 

She has studied. A lot. "After finishing secondary education, I did media and communication studies, and got a journalism degree. Now, I've thrown myself into graphic design studies. According to my family, I'm addicted to education. Sometimes, I can hear them say, "40 years old and still a student" ha ha." So, scared of facing the real world, huh? I can understand that. It's an awful world out there.

She was inspired by school. "During my adolescence… Drawing in the margins of my notebooks and on the school benches (yes, I know, bad girl) helped a lot. And then the Internet turned up along with comic book blogs. Every day, I would take a look at my favourite blogs (including Paka, Sanaa K, Diglee, Yap and many more). And then one day, I said to myself, "Why not me?"

Her tastes, are they more sort of doom metal, or disco-punk? "I like anything which is science-fiction, from superheroes to movies where there's great big action scenes and bad jokes. One of the last movies I saw in an actual movie theatre was "X-Men : Days of Future Past" and I really loved it. The Quicksilver character is one of my favourite comic book characters (along with Flash). As for TV shows, there's the amazing Game of Thrones, Sherlock and Doctor Who which are my favourites. I never get bored of them. I'm currently re-watching all the Doctor Who episodes before the new season begins. I'm a fan of the "geek" world, even if I don't like the way the word is used generally. I collect loads of goodies. Anything like figurines, comic books, furry toys, mouse mats, clothes, swords, jewelry, etc. from movies and TV shows. I think my apartment could become a museum. Oh and let me reveal my secret. I'm a fan and I'm totally addicted to the songs that you hear in advertisements on TV. I know practically all of them, from car advertisements to shower gel advertisements, all the way to the ones hawking cat food. I don't stop at singing them when they come on, I look up who wrote them, if they've made other music, etc. And to tell you the truth, it's allowed me to discover really good new artists!" I feel the opposite sometimes, when I hear a song I used to love being used to sell something. It sort of ruins the song for me. 

How about one of your own personal FMLs? "Today, I'm on holiday at my dad's place, and there's no washing machine. I set off for the local laundromat, dirty washing under my arm. I miss my step on the road and all my clothes end up on the ground. The traffic was held up because of me stuck in the middle trying to pick everything up, and some pervert was staring at my panties. FML"

That's it for this week.  Thanks AD_e for taking part, it was cool having you on board. If everything has gone to plan, while you're reading this, I'm on holiday down by the ocean in the south of France. That's if everything went smoothly, but being FML staff, it probably didn't. So it's fitting that I should leave you with a typically oceanic-orientated song, because I'm in the mood for surfing. Not that I can surf though, I have no sense of balance whatsoever. Next week we'll be welcoming a Peruvian artist who only eats green beans, or a she-devil illustrator who paints dead singers using her hair and menstrual blood. It'll be a surprise then, because for now I have no idea who's doing what. I'm already on holiday in my mind, because I haven't had any days off since 1987. You have to work hard in life, if you want to end up falling into the trajectory of an oncoming bus and splat, game over. Until next time, be excellent to each other and may the ghost of Ian Curtis bring you luck. All summer long. 

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1466 - Illustrated FML - On 08/18/2014 at 8:25am by Alan - 12 comments


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