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Illustrated FML (296) - About FMyLife (48) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (17) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

Gib's illustrated FML

Hell is full of a certain type of person. The people who eat boiled eggs on trains. The people who cut their finger and toenails on the subway. And of course, people who do evil, who let evil happen. But there's also those who pretend to be nice. They say they want the best for you. They're cute and cuddly, but they're actually Satan's little helpers, sent to torture you. Liars, cheaters and twisted pieces of work. But it just takes a slip up, a compromising picture or a screen grab for everything to come tumbling around them. Then the evil mess oozes out of the dark recesses of their brains and then… Woah, steady on. Wrong meeting. I got the wrong blog article there, I thought I was writing for Bitter Guy Weekly. But still, it's kind of this week's topic. The more the year's pass, the more you realise that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but also, as you get older, you progressively tend not to care what people think of you. Intrigued? Read on.

GIB'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"I love Mikado biscuits, the real ones, with dark chocolate. But they're expensive. So, I usually buy the cheapest store brand cookies from Aldi, they're good too."

Self-portrait Gib by Marie.

 


This week, it's Gib's turn, who is also known as Marie. The explanation for the nickname is apparently written somewhere on her blog, but I can't find it. You can have a look, but it's in French. Good luck !

Her info:
Age: "A quarter of a century"
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Blog: Gib's Doodles
Her illustrated FML: The one with the magazine


Gib had contacted us a while back with an email that start with "Hello Mister FML". I'd liked that approach, and it made me want to check out her work, which turned out to be quite good. That was in September 2014, so you could say that this illustrated FML has been a long time coming. A middle-distance runner. There's been Christmas, New Year's and all sorts of goings on ever since. My conspiracy theory is that this illustration lark is just a cover, and that Marie is actually a secret agent who has been off on a mission since September, like some sort of girly James Bond, in her Aston Martin, drinking vodka martinis. Or not. Maybe she just had other stuff to do than illustrate FMLs. People have lives to live. I know I have. That's a lie. I don't have a life. I haven't been outside since 1998.

Marie, Gib, what do you actually do, if you're not really a secret agent? "I recently got a diploma, and I'm looking for employment in the publishing/communication world. What I enjoy about my non-activity: having the time to do what I want, like the housework, the washi… erm, no, not really. What I need right now: money!" So, let's make the most of this multimedia platform to see if there's someone out there looking to recruit Marie. Come on, she's got talent, she's smart, she's got qualifications and she's nice. And she might have a licence to kill, but I'm not sure about that. I was only guessing about the whole secret agent thing earlier, but you never know. If you don't hear from me next week, you'll know why.

How did you get started? "I've always been into drawing, I've always done it for pleasure, but it's Romain Pujol's blog that gave me the impetus to launch my own "comic book blog" 6 years ago. Before that I had a blog, but it was a "non-comic book blog" and on a crappy host system."

Speaking of which, which other blogs/artists do you check out and that you can recommend? "I'm a fan of loooooots of people, of which my faves are linked on my blog. I'll mention Nathalie JomardElsa Chang, and Brittney Lee… and loads more." 

What are your little everyday pleasures and vices? "I like junk food a little too much. Which means that one of my pastimes is saying that I'm on a diet when I'm not really. My vices: pizzas, Nutella, foie gras, vanilla-flavoured Häagen Dazs vanilla and custard to name but a few, but all separately. Other than that, I like dogs, the theatre, reading, writing, browsing the internet, travelling, taking photos… I'm the annoying person holding up the people I'm with, always trailing behind them, taking photos all over the place, yelling, "Wait for me!" Hmmmm, I wonder if she's one of those people who pose with their hands outstretched to try and create an optical illusion that they are supporting monuments and stuff? Here in Paris I see them everywhere. The best ones are the people in front of the leaning tower of Pisa. Have you never seem pictures of them? Check this out

Besides Mikado biscuits, that were mentioned at the top of the article, what other cultural references have you got to share? "I've been listening to a lot of movie soundtracks, especially ones created by Hans Zimmer. I've just finished reading the fifth tome of the "I am number 4" sage. It's about a bunch a nice alien teenagers with badass superpowers who are fighting ugly alien baddies on planet Earth. As for TV shows, I'm a bit upset because I have to wait a year for the next Sherlock episode, and as for comic books I'm in love with Aurélie Neyret's drawings in 'Les Carnets de Cerise' ('Cerise's notebooks') and Mara's in 'Clues' (and Gotlib, because he's hilarious. And finally, at the movies, I really loved Imitation Game, the biopic about Alan Turning (who really had an FML…). And YES, I have a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch, it's not my fault." So do a lot of people in my circle of friends. The guy has to be applauded, he's managed to have quite the career despite having an unpronounceable name and a weird head. If you' re still struggling with the pronunciation, a brilliant YouTube channel is here to help. Click here


Can you finish us off with a personal FML? "Today, I had cycling accident. While immobile. I put the wrong foot down when I was stopping, and I fell into a ditch. FML" Yep, that's quite embarrassing. I do hope there were loads of people around to point and laugh and/or film the scene. What do you mean I'm mean. Not at all. 

That's it for this week. We wish Gib/Marie all the best in her job search, but she doesn't seem to be in hurry. She does have talent and she's nice, so there's no reason that a boss shouldn't offer her a job. If I can get a job, she can get a job. Anyhoo, it's time for the weekend, time to go outside in the sunshine or the snow depending on where you are. Just don't forget to be nice. Don't be one of those people I mentioned in the intro. Slow down on the cynicism. Cynical people are boring. As Morrissey sang, it takes guts to be gentle and kind. So, actual love from us here at FML. Have a great weekend, and week. See you next Friday! 

How about you? Think you've got talent and want to do an illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com, but only send us your blog's address and/or a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1500 - Illustrated FML - On 02/06/2015 at 5:48am by Alan - 9 comments

Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML

Hello everyone, how's it going? You doing OK? Friday is the right time to get your glad rags on, go out, meet your friends, have a drink, get your freak on, shoot the breeze, shoot some hoops, don't shoot the deputy and then go home and fall asleep in the closet. But before all that, have a go at this week's illustrated FML. You've got time to fit an illustration into your busy schedule, come on dude, we know you're sitting at home with curlers in your hair, we can see you through the window. Look, we're waving at you! For those of you reading this on a Wednesday morning in 2047, I do apologise, I'm not taking into account the space-time continuum while typing out of this article. (By the way, how's President Macaulay Culkin doing in 2047?) That's enough of that, let's move into this week's inner sanctum. 

RONALD GRANDPEY'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"A beef rib (2 kg for 6 people), brochettes, some melon, a raspberry tart, and Mary Jane's fudge.
Which isn't very FML."

Self portrait Ronald by Ronald.

 


This week we're welcoming a friend of mine. "My name is Ronald. P.E.E.P.S isn't really a pseudonym, it's more of a signature amongst many others, in many different ranges. In my mind, P.E.E.P.S is an imaginary author. You can call me Ronald. Or Wonawld." And I hope no one will accuse me of nepotism, he's got a lot of talent. Just check out his stuff, make up your own mind.

His info:
Age: 40 
Location: Rennes, France
Website: His eponymous website
His illustrated FML: The one with the hotel


I've been asking Ronald for an illustration for a while. He's finally come round to reason and accepted. Up until now he'd been claiming that he hadn't got time to do one. We had to negotiate sort of deal, too. Two roast chickens and three bottles of Cinzano Bianco. OK, that part is a lie. He's finally found the time to give illustrating an FML, and it's a real treat because what he's done for us all is pretty epic. And I hate using the term epic these days, because everything seems to be epic with some people. So, OK, Ronald, you're epic. There.

So, who is this Ronald dude? What's his beef with life? Tell us what you do to stave off the boredom? "Comic books
, animation films and illustrations." OK, that's a bit of a short summary. I know him in real life, and he's one of the most talkative people I've ever met. I'm not exaggerating. He's being modest about his talents because if you check out his website, especially his personal animations, you'll quickly realise that he's not some bum that we dragged off the street. Even though he may look the part sometimes. 

I asked him how he got to where he is today: "A gallop under the trees in the morning, tight bends over the ridge that looks out onto the bay in the evening, scuba diving and speedboat races at night." 

What is it that you like about the strange world of comic books? "I like drawing outside in the hills in the countryside, working on animation movies at night, improvising stories and lighting moods, going in different directions, not necessarily taking the beaten track, flitting between comic books and animation movies, personal jobs and orders, working a lot and living from it. What do I need right now? Palm trees, and a large balcony so that I can draw by the ocean side. Can you do something about that for me?" Unfortunately, I can't. The last time I tried to sponsor someone, they turned into a monster. I found this kid, a singer, nice guy. Bunged him a load of cash, he got all big-headed, changed his name to Kanye West, never returned the favour. So I'm afraid that I can't help you out, because if I did give you any money, you'd turn into another monster and turn your back on me. I'd rather you be poor and nice to me. 

We're also here to talk about your projects, so come on, what's going on? "Several book projects are under way, under different guises (P.E.E.P.S, Franky Bartol, Ronald), to be released by Misma an other publishing houses. Some illustrations for a childrens' story by Chloé Alibert. A comic book with Stefen ‘Yea Big’ Robinson, for whom I made an animated clip a few years ago. I'd really like to make an animated series too." We hope that you make one too, Ronnie. Do you mind if I call you Ronnie? No? OK, I'll stop right now, put the stick down.

Ronald has things going on! Fact me till I fart: 
"Right now
, quite a few things:
- The Angoulême comic book festival in France, where I will be signing copies of ILS ONT DES NOUVEAUX POUVOIRS ("They have new powers"), volumes 1 and 2, on the Misma editions stand.
- An animated loop for a collective exhibition by l’Employé du Moi, an independent editor from Brussels and fried who will be celebrating their 15th anniversary this weekend at Angoulême. 
FRONTIÈRE, a self-edited comic (with 7 editions having been published already), with a unique hand-drawn cover for each copy. 
- Some personal illustrations.
- Some animation films and illustrations that people have ordered here and there.
I like people who make lists.

What have you enjoyed in life recently? "I saw  Pasolini's "Salo" recently, which is amazing. Musically, Run The Jewels and all of El-P's projects, the recently rereleased "#3" album by Diabologum, Psykick Lyrikah, and a bunch of stuff. In books, "Terminus Radieux by Antoine Volodine. The last comic book to really knock my socks off was "The Double Happiness Book" by Joe Daly. And "Lune L’Envers" by Blutch. And all the works by Goossens, Pierre La Police, John Porcellino, Killoffer, Jim Woodring, Ruppert & Mulot, Luke Pearson, Glen Baxter, Mattotti, Gary Larson, etc etc, the list goes on. And Yuchi Yokoyama : genius." I think I've mentioned Diabologum a few times in this column, and I've tried to get Pierre la Police to take part, but to no avail. As a superfan, I was just happy he replied! 

Who are the artists you check out on the Internet? "El-P's Twitter account, but that's not comics though. Not many comics blogs actually, I read books or fanzines. Oh yeah, Thunderpaw by Jen Lee, but that's not really a blog. A few illustrator friends: Nylso , Gilles RochierSeb LumineauJonathan Larabie… And Grandpapier, a comics portal run by L’Employé du Moi." And if one of these illustrator friends wants to come on here, it's with great pleasure. Tell them from me, OK Ronni… Wonawld.

Tell us about your everyday pleasures. "On top of all that? Leaving on a whim to meet up with friends on the other side of the country to drink Nikka whisky while listening to great records. Eating profiteroles. Driving. Walking. Imagining the future. All that at the same time." I think I've been a part of some of those things, haven't I? Hmmm, I'll quit with the nostalgia, it's boring people. Anyway, it's time to go down the pub and annoy Dagmar.

We're going to let Ronald go back to his drawing board. We can now sit around and work out how to draw as well as he can. A year ago, when I took over this column, I had the ambition to learn how to draw, and that ambition has fallen by the wayside. A year has gone by, and I'm still shit. I think it's time to give it another shot, with the help of the illustrators I talk to on this blog. I'll keep you up to speed. I'll leave with with a band that Ronald and I know very well because we met through Michel, one of the founders. Ronald designed the sleeve for their album, part of which you can see here. Here's the Binary Audio Misfits. As ever, be excellent to each other, and see you next week!

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1499 - Illustrated FML - On 01/30/2015 at 6:23am by Alan - 7 comments

The Best of the Worst #11

Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due time. As Douglas Adams famously said, 'I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.' Anyway, we've got our life back together, we've straightened ourselves out, we've stopped drinking pure alcohol mixed with maple syrup and we're here. Let's dive straight into the shittiest of the shit submissions bag!

For those of you who've never had the pleasure of reading one of these, the only way to describe these articles is to say that we get sent a buttload of stories every day, very few are usable, many are mediocre. But some are just batshit insane. They seem to have been written by drunk ponys, or people who have reached the end of their tether and are about to crack. And those people who like to type things out using their pee-pees. Anyway, the stories here are those weird and wonderful stories from the very bottom of the submissions pile. And here we go for this month's selection.
 

The Bill

Today, I just realized Bill Cosby Is hiding Ebola or Kim Jong Un Banned It Why Bill, FMLL

Trading Places

Today, my parents both announced they are getting sex changes. My mom will soon be my dad, and my dad will now soon be my mom. FMLL
 

So…

So i was on Skype and my friend kept messaging me and she would to this thing where its like ***** *** is ___________ FML
 

Drama queen

Today, my daughter got hair dye all over the carpet. I ruin everything and am about to kill myself. FML
 

And they say romance is dead?

Today I walked in on my mother and father, going at it like bats from hell, on top of my dead grandmothers coffin. FML.
 

I'm not racist, but…

Today, after many years without a boyfriend, I desperately placed a Craigslist ad. The only replies were from black men. I’m not racist, but the thought of having a black baby is gross. FML
 

Norman Bates, is that you?

The woman I perceive as a psuedo-mother has a noticably growing crush on me. FML.
 

It's not you, it's me

The other day, I was walking around the hallway at school telling people they need Jesus. I told my one of teachers that he neede Jesus he said I dont need Jesus, Jesus needs me. He had shut down my testimony. FML
 

It's always the hamster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. I could not focus because my hamster, Harry, just died. When I finally came I screamed out my hamster’s name. Unfortunately Harry is also the name of my boyfriend’s best friend. Now he thinks that I’m cheating on him. FML

 

That's it for this month. We'll be back in a month or so with some more of the same. If you enjoyed reading these, you can see  more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the very beginning, so to all of you who've tried sending in odd FMLs to try and get published here: don't even begin to try, we're not idiots. Until next time, be excellent to each other and call your moms.

 

Bonus not-really-hidden, tracks. Yes, two for the price of one. We're guessing these were sent in by the same individual, because the style shows so many similarities throughout its moving and gritty mood swings. Check dem feels.

 

A day in the life, part 1

FUCK LIFE JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WORD AND EVERY FUCKING TECHNOLOGY BULLSHIT

A day in the life, part 2

FML FKING GOT CHEATED I HATE GIRLS I HATE LIFE WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT ALL. FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

#1498 - About FMyLife - On 01/28/2015 at 9:18am by Alan - 78 comments

Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at the youth club? It's Friday, and whether you're feeling high on Jesus or depressed on Prozac, be thankful you're not a squid. It must be a sad life, being a squid. Little or no access to a television, they can't use smartphones and you never see them in the queues at Disneyland, only on plates. I apologise in advance if there's a super-evolved squid out there reading this and fuming, "what an arsehole, I've got an iPhone 4S and I was on Space Mountain just last week!" That's enough about sea creatures, let's meet this week's artist.

IDAN SCHNEIDER'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"I enjoy sleep. You learn to appreciate sleep when you have two small kids."

Idan by C-Section.

 


This week we're going international, with an old friend. Idan has already been on FML, and his illustrated FML was a huge success so I asked him if he'd like to do another one. He came up with a brilliantly simple illustration, so I guess I was right to ask him. See mum and dad, sometimes, my ideas are worthwhile. All of Idan's illustrations in this articles can be clicked on to be displayed in BIG.

His info:
Age: 37 
Location: Tel Aviv, Israel
WebsiteC-Section Comics, Facebook, Twitter
His illustrated FML: The one with the drink


OK, we'll admit it: this week we're in Pun City. We're OK with that, but a lot of people hate puns. John Cleese of Monty Python fame is rumoured to have said that his three rules of comedy are "No puns. No puns. No puns." But enough with the haterz, let's get to know Idan. 

So, who is he? "
Well, I'm mostly known for drawing a webcomic, called C-Section Comics, but I'm also a software engineer. The last time FML interviewed me, I had just quit my job as a software engineer and took some time off to focus on doing artsy stuff. During that time I made a living by drawing personal caricatures (I had clients from all over the world, it was fun), illustrated a children's book, and of course created lots of new cartoons for C-Section Comics. Recently I went back to programming, but I continue drawing comics whenever I can find the time, mostly on nights and weekends." Time, time, time, precious time to do stuff. "Time" by Pink Floyd. Something we all seem to lack, now and again.  That, and some sort of contraption that could detect and retrieve all the stuff that cats knock behind heavy furniture. The amount of stuff that has gone missing since I've been invaded by cats is a mystery.  

So, how does a software engineer get to be so funny? Or am I being unfairly mean? How does Idan deal with being both an engineer and an illustrator? "Drawing comics is very fulfilling - it's a way to express myself, that's obvious. But it also enables me to communicate with people around the world. I can grab the attention of my readers, even if it's for a few seconds at a time, and have them think about something I put in the spotlight, or even just share with them a silly thought that I had. Being a web cartoonist, I have the privilege to have my cartoons read by millions around the world. I guess younger cartoonists take this for granted , but I'm old enough to appreciate this fact, because 20 years ago, you couldn't do that unless you worked as a syndicated cartoonist, a privilege that was reserved for few. Last but not least, cartooning gives me the opportunity to rant about stuff that grinds my gears. It's the best therapy I can get, and a lot cheaper than going to an actual therapist." Hmmm. Maybe I should breathe new life into my aborted career as a cartoonist then, even though in the words of Morrissey, "I can smile about it now, at the time it was terrible". I often use these articles to let loose some neurotic shards of bile, on the hush-hush, but I'm supposed to be discussing the artists, not me, my life, and the horrible people that come across now and again. No, that would be taking advantage of my position. I'm going to remain faithful to my style. 

Idan, any news you'd like to share with our readers? 
"C-Section Comics is celebrating its 5th birthday soon. When I started the series it was mostly about silly jokes and puns, observations about life and rants about annoying things in life, like how. As I "grow up", the series grows up with me, so now you can find occasional cartoons about more serious stuff like politics, religion, media bias or parenting. But the bulk of my cartoons are still about silly things such as the different type of people you find in urinals, or what it would be like if meme stars were cast for Game of Thrones. When I started cartooning I didn't believe it would last this long, but now it's hard for me to imagine life without drawing comics."

Idan had this to say about our friends at Charlie Hebdo: "In light of recent events I can't stop thinking about the heroism of the cartoonists of Charlie Hebdo. They were threatened for a long time, they knew they were risking their lives by drawing and publishing their cartoons, there was precedence (the attack on Danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard, the murder of Dutch director Theo van Gogh) - and yet they continued publishing their truth in a bold stand for freedom of speech. On this opportunity I'd like to express my deepest condolences to the families of the victims of the attacks on Charlie Hebdo offices and the Jewish supermarket in Paris.

Idan started drawing thanks to some Frenchies! "I have been drawing ever since I remember myself. My love of comics started when I first laid my eyes on an Asterix book - it was "Asterix and Cleopatra", and I was four or five at the time. I was immediately drawn to the beautiful drawings of Albert Uderzo. Asterix is still one of my favourite series to date, and as an adult I can fully enjoy the brilliant comedic scripts of René? Goscinny, some of which I couldn't understand as a kid, like his brilliant satire on capitalism and consumerism on Obelix and co." If you're unfamiliar with Asterix, you should this seminal work ASAP. In France and much of Europe, it's a well-loved comic.

Besides comics, what are you into? "I have so many webcomics I enjoy reading. I like the silly and vulgar humour of ToonHole and Cyanide & Happiness (and I know artists of both series have made illustrated FMLs). Lunar Baboon has excellent comics on parenting, and of course I like the workplace humour of Dilbert. I also read SMBC, The Oatmeal, and I enjoy Jim K Benton's cartoons on Reddit. There are at least a dozen more which I read occasionally. My current favourite comedy is The Big Bang Theory. In the drama section my top choices are Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad. And when I work I enjoy listening to political talk shows and satirical programs such as Bill Maher, John Stewart, John Oliver and The Colbert Report. With regards to movies, being a dad, I have a formal excuse to watch Disney classics with my kids, such as Aladdin, Beauty & The Beast and Fantasia. I don't get to watch a lot of movies for grown-ups these days." Kids make you do all sorts of things. That's why I've chosen to have cats instead. Scientifically, cats are identical to kids, give or take a whisker. And they don't live as long, they don't ask for money once they turn 14 to buy a moped, they don't get into arguments about who gets the biggest room when you move house and you don't have to explain to them one day that mummy and daddy are breaking up because mummy did some sex with strangers she met on Facebook and that she thought she would get away with duping everyone, the hussy. Oh, I made all of that up, BTW. Don't go thinking that I hang out with people like that. But cats will sleep around with anyone, so they're no better.

How about Idan's own personal FML? "Today I was sitting in the living room with my two kids. Suddenly I heard the clear sound of someone letting one go. From the smell alone I could tell that the perpetrator was my older son, and that he had fish sticks for lunch today. Five years of being a dad has made me an expert flatulence analyzer, CSI level. FML." That's probably the funniest personal FML I've had the pleasure of publishing in this column. Well done, Idan!

That's it for this week. I'm still on vacation, sort of. There's no real vacations when you work for FML, because it's a calling, a vocation, a passion. We're always here, on call 24/7, to bring you joy and giggles. I've been on vacation since last Friday, but I'm around. I'm watching you. Here's some music, to celebrate the fact that the French band Diabologum's legendary 1996 album, simply called #3, is being rereleased in a few days, at last. So go get it. See you next week, when I'll be joined by a friend of mine. Until then, be excellent to each other and try to have some fun. Ciao!

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1497 - Illustrated FML - On 01/22/2015 at 1:37am by Alan - 10 comments

FML is 6 years old!

We've made it! FML is six years old! We can't really say that we are ageing gracefully, but what sort of six-year-old behaves gracefully. Not us, that's for sure. So, what the eff' happened in 2014? You sent us 313144 FMLs down the pipeline, and we published only 3014. That's not a huge percentage, but that's because we prefer quality over a shitton of garbage. You agreed that the OP's life sucked 206691661 times, and that they deserved it 55080599 times. Wow. 467544 badges were given out, and you gave each other 39905 likes. You guys are kinda cute. Well, except for you over there. You know who you are.


DIDIER SIX, GOALKEEPER FOR FRANCE, 1978
FML BIRTHDAY MASCOT, 2015

 

The FML team is proud to have made is this far. Who would've thought, one cold, crisp day in January 2009 that we would still be here in 2015, sending out spurts of people's everyday failures and crushed hopes and dreams, making your bus journeys less boring, and letting others giggle while reading your suffering-slash-FMLs. FML is like a big family, albeit a bit of a weird looking family of 3.1 million people, but a family nonetheless. You just have to check out the comments, our Facebook page and Instagram to realise that a bit of a community has developed around the initial little website, and it's what we're the most proud of. That and our Backstreet Boys autographs collection. So, instead of making it all about us and showing off like big show offs, we thought we'd make it all about the people who make FML what it is: you guys. 

 

FML: better than Sixpence None The Richer

To do so, we contacted a few FML members to help us out. These people have been hanging around here for quite some time, and who take part in the comments with great passion, gusto and a bunch of other adjectives. The members who were willing to take part in this crazy adventure are: 

Fightingkittens. Name came from actual fighting kittens. Account created on 04/11/2010 and 242 comments.
DocBastard. A real doctor. Master of the putdown. Account created on 05/07/2010 and 9007 comments. 
Pleonasm. All round nice guy. Account created on 04/11/2010 and 2185 comments.
DanielleinDC. Doesn't comment often, but with style. Account created on 08/09/2011 and 1303 comments.
fleur_de_fevrier. Is both on FML and VDM, the French version. Account created on 21/06/2012 and 1067 comments.
Wizardo. Not a real Wizard. Account created on 31/12/2012 and 1159 comments.
skyeyez9. Grumpy, but OK. Account created on 23/041/2010 and 4210 comments.
Hiimhaileypotter. A real Harry Potter fan, honest. Account created on 04/06/2012 and 1747 comments.
Mauskau. Probably Russian. Account created on 08/08/2009 and 1583 comments.
 

So, how did these guys end up in our neck of the woods?
DocBastard (who is a real doctor) started the way everyone should, by checking things out before giving it a go: "I started by lurking, reading others' comments and deciding which type I liked and which I didn't. I really started commenting mainly due to intelligent and/or funny commenters like Pendatik and Cinn. I have submitted one FML, and it was published."
So did Pleonasm: "There was this atmosphere that promoted interaction and making jokes with and at one another or even at the original poster. So after a while, I couldn't help but join the fray and help laugh at other people's expense, because I'm nice like that." We wish more people were nice in the comments some times.

Most of them have a different relationship with FML, and no doubt that you have too. Depending on the user, it's either a time to relax, something to pass the time while taking a dump, and it can take place anytime, anywhere (well, maybe not the dump) thanks to smartphones.
DanielleinDC wastes the company dime by using FML, "usually in the morning when it's quiet at work."
Wizardo is a bit of an addict: "I check FML in the morning as I wake with one eye open and me hating this thing called the morning, and again in the night to see what kind of misguided or unfortunately screwed up event has happened in the day of a stranger that I am glad isn't me."
So is Hiimhaileypotter: "I check FML several times daily at all hours, generally at night though."
Whatever the time of day, we're open 24/7.

We asked them what they enjoyed the most about the comments section, and the response was a bit of a mixed bag. It appears that what they enjoy about the comments is also what they also hate them, there's a bit of a love/hate thing going on.
Pleonasm does have this to say: "
The comments section is like a box of chocolates: There's always get one that looks like it's going to be chocolate, but then it turns out to be a piece of faecal matter instead, or something worse like a cherry or orange filling. Don't even get me started on marzipan. Food aside, I enjoy most of the comments section: you get a lot of types of humours that mix well and people play off of each other and it's fun to see the interaction - it's also good to see people help each other out or be civil."

But for most, they seem to enjoy being annoyed by the lazy comments, Pleonasm adds, "There is a special place in hell for those who say « shitty situation » or who abuse the dual meaning of pussy on a cat FML."
Mauskau: "I vaguely remember someone saying something stupid and then they received a lot of people correcting them and explaining why they were wrong, and they kept digging themselves into a deeper hole. Comments that show sheer ignorance, or when someone says “break up with your partner” when they do something hilarious."
Pleonasm puts his finger on one particularly annoying trait: "Then you have the improbable optimists - my jimmies are rustled every time someone says "At least" in regards to OP, especially when it's followed by something that has almost no chance of happening or doesn't pertain to the FML at all." As moderators, we can only agree. But we have to remain impartial, even though I through in a troll comment every now and again.
Hey, I'm naughty, sue me!

 

FML is the sixth deadly sin

Does FML ever take over their real lives? We wanted to know if people on FML met in real life. We know they exchange PMs, but does it go any further?
Fightingkittens gets PMs: "Occasionally people message me about my profile pic (a 3-year-old gem featuring face paint from a Renaissance fair), but I've stopped commenting as frequently and rarely get messages. I don't correspond with people outside of FML - I really do prefer the anonymity of the Internet."
A sentiment that seems to be echoed a lot. A lot of people have even been insulted for no apparent reason.
fleur_de_fevrier: "One guy sent me once a big rant saying that I was a “ f***ing p***y” because I disagreed with the use of offensive violence in a situation of confrontation and blocked me before I could answer. That was actually pretty funny because he seemed genuinely upset."
DocBastard's… confrontational style has earned him some peeved PMs: "I have exchanged PMs and e-mail with numerous other FMLers, though I have not met any of them. I have gotten both fanmail and hate mail... probably more of the former. I used to get hate mail regularly back when I commented more. People don't seem to like being called "idiots" when they act like one. Funny, that." Word, dude.

Well OK, we do want to show off a bit because it's our birthday, so we asked our friends if they had a message to send the creators of FML. 
Pleonasm said, "Thanks guys for the funny stories; the good, the bad and the ugly comments; the crying of laughter; the cringe and even the trolls. Have my eternal love for dooming me to a futureless present as I waste away my free time procrastinating and laughing at other people instead of studying or going outside.
Thank you for teaching me to learn from other people's mistakes while creating my own."
Wizardo: "Thanks for creating a haven for the rejected, downright silly and beautiful idiots to unite and share their stories of super racist old people, annoying as fuck kids and relationship problems. This is a unique corner of the Internet and I have been honoured to contribute to the majestic creation that is FML, may your hilarious yet slightly dysfunctional family continue to run as long as bad grammar exists and people keep commenting basic shit. <3"
That'll do, we're welling up.

For a giggle, we also wanted to know who would be named CEO of the comments section, if such a blatantly fake and ridiculous title ever existed (because it's for a laugh, before you start sending in your messages about it) and Doc Bastard's name is the one that was the most mentioned. It seems that being a real doctor and speaking some much needed sense actually gets you somewhere. Well done. We told him about this, and he issued this press release:

"Am I getting paid for this? I think I deserve to get paid. Wait, what do you mean, 'no'?"
 

In any case, well done on your fake promotion, dude. It's a huge opportunity for you, what with you being a lowly surgeon-type fella at the moment. See you in the comments!

 

It's presents time !

To thanks all the people who take part in the FML adventure by commenting on the stories and by being an active member with an account and everything, today, on this festive day, we're giving you a gift. If you are member, you know all about our badges, they're on your profile. For those of you who aren't members, badges are acquired by doing certain things on our website and our app. For our birthday, we've decided to add a few more as a gift. Wahey! Some are secret, some aren't, so here's a list of the new badges, and some clues about how to get the hidden ones. 

Silver Badges :

- Gold Rush: Looking for gold on FML? How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
- One more and it's business time: You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Bronze Badges :

- I like your style: You've liked someone. How cute!
- The Mixer: You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
- What'cha looking at?: You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile

Here are a few clues to help you find the hidden badges:

- A military feline, a colonel with whiskers
- Children go looking for him, near the end of the year.
- A movie dream with Leonardo
- Who's flopped at the top?

There we go. Here at FML towers, we're going to go off to celebrate our birthday by eating tons of M&Ms while cackling like geese. Do geese cackle? We don't know. Before we do so, here's a word from another Six, Nikki Sixx from the fabulous Mötley Crüe:

Why, that almost sounds like something the haters from the comments section should think about before commenting something unhelpful or nasty about a person or a situation they know nothing about under an FML. Be excellent to each other, take heed to Sixx's words, and then go listen to the Crüe's "Kickstart My Heart". Thanks to all our friends for taking part, we love you all. Happy birthday to us all.
Now, it's party time! Byyyyyyye!

#1495 - About FMyLife - On 01/16/2015 at 9:17am by Alan - 124 comments


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