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Illustrated FML (334) - About FMyLife (87) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Competitions (6)

Saint Patrick's Day comes to FML!

 

Today, it's Saint Patrick's Day! To celebrate this day, as well as its country of origin, we've selected a few FMLs (and translated some VDMs, from the French website) about Ireland, the Irish and drunken celebrations as a whole. 

Here are those few fun and sometimes intoxicated stories, all relating to this special day. First of all, let's go check out Ireland: 

Today, a group of wild Irish students absolutely insisted on taking a selfie with me, to prove to their friends back home that here in France, they also celebrate Saint Patrick's Day. I'm just a garbageman, dressed in regulation green overalls. FML

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

Today, during a school trip to Ireland, I tried taking a souvenir picture of a sheep wearing my sunglasses. So, if you ever see a sheep running past with sunglasses on, they're mine. FML 

Today, I bought an apartment over what I have just learned to be an Irish folk music store. FML

Today, an American lady here in Ireland asked me if I was a Leprechaun. Thinking she was joking, and me being quite "vertically challenged," I decided to just say yes. She then grabbed me and made me endure photographs, cuddles and pats on the head from all her fellow tourists. FML

What would Saint Patrick's Day be without a nice cold beer. Or some whiskey. And maybe another beer. While you're at it, get me two more whiskeys. Some more beer? Sure, pour it on.  

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

For today, you are allowed just this once to dress in green, dye your hair ginger and make the most of the industrial breweries. Not that all Irish people are drunken redheads. Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

#1578 - About FMyLife - On 03/17/2016 at 2:17am by Alan - 12 comments

Bénédicte Moret's illustrated FML

Hello everyone! We got new questions, all half-stolen from the questionnaire Bernard Pivot used to ask his guests (and that was used by 'Inside the Actor's Studio' later on), more new illustrations, because as Scorpions sang, the winds of change are around us. In a short while, new things are going to appear, but I'm sworn to secrecy by the medical practioners code, the Hypocratic oath. Damn, I did mention them. Anyway, this week it's all about the environment with Bénédicte. Which is a good thing, because I seem to be hell bent on destroying the planet by leaving bits of crap here and there. That's what she tells me, anyway. Let's have a look. 

BÉNÉDICTE MORET'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"I don't know what else to say. Have you got any stock questions?"

Self portrait Béné by Bloutouf
 

This week, Bénédicte is back. She's already been on here a few times, she's like our mascot. Well, she's mine anyway, because she's cool and she's my friend. 

Her info:
Age32
Location: In the south of France, just above Spain.
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one with the drawing

Who are you?
I'm Bénédicte Moret, AKA Bloutouf in my domain. I'm a graphic designer/illustrator who specialises in environmentalism, even though there's no money in it. 

What do you do?
Whatever I want to do. Well, most of the time, because you've got to eat, haven't you? 

"To be thrown away" - "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT"


Where do you come from?
From Lyon, a magnificent city in France where I've wiped off the most bar counter as a customer! In Lyon, the party calls to me! 

How old are you?

32. I know, it doesn't show.

What's your favourite self-penned illustration? 
My husband in the nude:

Who is your favourite illustrator?
I love Pedrosa, he's gifted, sensitive and also his work on environmental stuff is close to mine in theme. I love his sense of humour. 

Your passion, besides illustrating ?
Partying with my girlfriends.


"Don't touch that, son!"

Your favourite place in the world?
The café terrace in the morning. I loooooove to sit and watch the world go by while I drink a hot coffee, keeping my hands warm. 


What gets on your nerves?
You, you're starting to piss me off with your shitty questions! People who are biased and who never take a long, hard look themselves really annoy me. I want to beat them up.

What makes you happy?
Being able to draw every day and always having new projects.


"On 3, we race to the trashcan!"

Your hero?
Georges Clooney
 
Your favourite word?
Pathetic.

Your favourite smell?
My son's smell, he still smells of baby. I like to get high by sniffing his hair. I'm making the most of it because I've been told it doesn't last.

The job you wouldnt've liked to have done?
School teacher. Spending the entire day surrounded by loads of screaming children isn't something that would fill me with joy. 

"Look at how great this is! A guy will exchange an illustration for a massage!"


If you had to take a book, a record, a comic book or movie on a desert island, which one would it be?
A comic by Margaux Motin « La tectonique des plaques. » (Tectonic plates)
 

What would you like to sell to us this week ?
My body? No, stop it it Alan, I'm kidding. I dunno, my book? It's really good, I promise, for people with environmental concerns. 

 


 

Can you elaborate?
My book 'Famille presque Zéro Déchet « Ze Guide »' (The almost zero-waste Family - The Guide) ? It's a practical guide for all of those who want to help the environment on a daily basis, but without putting too much effort into it. We created this book to be fun for everyone, as well to be funny. Well, we hope it is! It's full of illustrations for people who can't read, so there's no reason why you can't start right away. Before any naysayers (I can hear them already) start saying, "A book can't be zero-waste, yada yada yada…", you should know that the book was eco-designed, printed on recycled and eco-labeled paper. It's also available as an ebook. And the impact of our book will be less important due to all the changes it will bring about. 

The book is available on Amazon in French (for now) but it's best to order it directly from the publisher's website. Or even better, buy it from a bookstore!
 


If God exists, what would you like him to ask you after you die? 
Great performance! Want to start over? What would you like to do now?

There. That'll do for this week. For me, it's the weekend, and it's come to my attention that some people preferred the longer version of the blog. Don't worry, I'll find time to add stuff now and again, but most people have low attention spans, so… that's that dealt with. I'll leave you with my Birthday present from yesterday and a French rock song that has English subtitles as its video. It's pretty good. Be excellent to each other and see you soon.

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1577 - Illustrated FML - On 03/11/2016 at 9:06am by Alan - 3 comments

Thessa's illustrated FML

Hey there! This week, the times they are a-changin'. No more rambling, just straightforward questions and answers. And more importantly, bonus illustrations. The artist needs to be introduced via his or her art, so we're mixing things up a little. People have limited attention spans it seems, so we might as well do away with long, boring texts, and just stick to the facts. The other novelty is that illustrations will be posted once every two weeks, instead of the usual once a week, but still on a Friday. Anyway, this time, it's all about pets. Sort of. Let's get it on. Or get on with it. Hey presto, it's an illustrator.

THESSA'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Who is my hero? My mother and I know that sounds corny, but I really mean it. She is a rock."

Self portrait Thessa by Superkip
 


This week it's Thessa's turn. It's about time we had someone from another country than France, right?

Her info:
Age: 24
Location: "I am currently living in Hamburg, but I plan to move back to the Netherlands (my homeland)."
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one with the pet

So Thessa, what is that you do? "I still need to graduate, but I'm doing a paid internship at a R&D location of a well known, international food company."

What do you like about what you do? "I'm a scientist and I work with food. I get to be creative and make things people can enjoy. I guess that is what drew me to art as well."

What do you feel is missing from your life? "Time. I always need more time. I just have way too many hobbies to be able to enjoy them all properly."


What's your current news, work or personal? "Not much."

What's your schooling/training and career look like so far? "I 'm working towards my master's degree in food technology. I specialised on product design. Before this, I did a bachelor in food technology. It has got nothing to do with art! I know! Drawing was always something I did on the side. I took art classes in high school, but no more after that. I worked on my skills by practising, experimenting and going to art forums for tips and feedback. In 2010 I joined a group and we sold art and comics together. Since 2013 I have been publishing my own comics and since last year I also have my own stand."

What are your ambitions/projects? "I would like to graduate and get a job in R&D in the food industry. Art wise, I always have a pile of projects I am working on or want to work on in the future. It's mostly comics. There is this one big project that I have been working on for years and I would really like to finish it this year. That's what I say every year, but this time I have actually started! On the long run I hope can continue juggling my science career with drawing."

Where is the place you like to create your illustrations, if you have one? "I can draw everywhere and I do. In public transit, in cafés, at the dinner table, on the couch in front of the TV, you name it. However, if I really need to properly work on something I have a tiny desk in my tiny room, with my laptop and tablet and my traditional supplies."

What inspires you? Is there someone, or an event or something that made you want to start drawing? "Ever since I could hold a pencil, I have been drawing. There is nothing that really triggered me to draw, but my family has always been supportive, so that's great. I get inspired by people around me, things that happen to me and by the work of other artists."

Recommend us something to eat. What's your favourite foodstuff or place to eat? "Oh, man. There are so many things! I don't really have one favourite food, because there are so many good things to eat. I also like to experiment a lot. Have you ever tried cola-chicken, or pineapple-ginger yoghurt, or salted caramel chocolate, or rhubarb soda?"

What's your favourite song at the moment, or favourite band? Same question for movies and books, TV, comics. "I like the oldies. I listen to David Bowie a lot at the moment, because... Well, you know... He was amazing. I read a lot of comics, my current favourites are "Grayson", "Batman and Robin eternal", "Abe Sapien" and "Ekhö monde miroir"."

Which illustration blogs do you regularly check out and that you recommend? "I am a big comics fan, so the ones I recommend are from comic artists. You should check out: Alessandro Barbucci, Russell Dauterman and Babs Tarr"


What do you enjoy in life, your pastimes, your vices, your everyday pleasures? "Food! I love good food. As you might have guessed by now."

What would your own personal FML be? "When I was on holidays I broke my shoe. I had only brought one pair, so I had to buy new one. In the middle of the shoe store I got a nosebleed. No one cared. FML"

What advice would you give to budding artists? "Draw! Draw, but do it responsibly. I hear stories of people just drawing all the time even when they didn't feel like it and even when their bodies were protesting. Don't do that! Draw what you want, when you want and take care of your body. It's okay to take breaks. You don't have to draw all the time to improve, you just have to do it smartly. Lastly, don't be afraid to try new things and don't be afraid to ask for help."

That's it for this week! Thanks Thessa for taking part, it was mighty nice of you. We'd be glad to have you back whenever you want. So, as you can see, I'm trying to make the illustrations articles a bit more snappy. If you've got any suggestions for questions I can ask the artists, let me have them in the comments below! And if you yourself are an artist, send me a PM and we'll see if we can work something out. Until next time, have a few things I enjoyed this week: I went to see Tindersticks play in a theatre in Dijon and it was really good, so here's a track from their latest album. For each track, they commissioned short films from movie directors, so here's the song Hey Lucinda, the video is really cool. And here's the Imperial March on a toad. Have a great weekend, be excellent to each other, and see you soon.

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1576 - Illustrated FML - On 02/26/2016 at 2:17am by Alan - 6 comments

Eni's illustrated FML

Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a children, in that it’s not in a condescending and/or way creepy as the media tends to do when it comes to kids. They’re not necessarily innocent, sweetness and light. They can be downright vicious bastards, especially if board games are involved. Intrigued? You should be. This week’s interview is this way.

ENI'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"I live in Lorraine, long live quiche and pâté, boudiou!"

Self portrait Justine by Eni
 


This week we're welcoming Eni. It's no state secret so I guess I can reveal that her real name is Justine, if not to explain that her nickname derives from the last three letters of her name, backwards. Get it?

Her info:
Age: 18
Location: Lorraine, France
Website: Her Facebook page
Her illustrated FML: The one with the recording

Eni is young, and it’s the sort of thing that makes old farts like me quite angry. One day I’ll stop whining and moaning about stuff, but not today, it’s raining and I haven’t had a drink yet. So, Eni is 18, and she’s got plenty of talent. It shows. I know, I always say that about the artists I get on here are full of talent, but it’s quite sincere. I only have the cream of the crop on here. Except that one time when… Nah, just kidding. Eni is part of the cream, obviously, she contacted us with an enthusiastic e-mail that warmed the cockles of my booze-riddled heart, and gave a me lust for life like in that song. Something like that.

So she does what she get up to then, what with being so young, so fearless? "I graduated high school in the summer of 2015 and I would like to get into illustrating. I also do sewing because I’m passionate about cute clothes and I’m inspired a lot by Japanese fashion. I am also a cat tamer, Felix (how  original) and his mischievous antics inspire me to make little comics." Ah, just like me. Well, no. Not at all. Except for the cat tamer bit. My life is nothing but dealing with cats sometimes.

What do you like about what you do? What’s missing from your life? "I like to express my world view via comics. Speaking of comics, you ask what I'm missing, well, I’m a few squares short of a comic strip. (Haha ... Hum.)?" Damn, the there’s that infamous illustrator humour. I’d forgotten about this rarely-seen phenomenon. It turns up unannounced sometimes, without warning. I’d rather that than the illustrators without a sense of humour, who takes themselves super seriously… But they don’t exist, right?


Tell us about your academic and professional career so far, although at 18, you're still brand new! "I have a visual communication multi-media diploma, I studied software such as Photoshop, Indesign, Illustrator, etc… I also did several internships in advertising agencies." Ah yes, you did what you needed to do, it's all good stuff to break into that milieu, if I understood all of the artists that I talked to here. Nothing is going to happen if you just stay at home and wait for the phone to ring, expecting a big contract to turn up.

What are your plans? "My dream would be to publish my own comics or manga. And I would like to become an illustrator." But… you're already an illustrator, right? Oh, you mean in the sense I-earn-my-wages-doing-it. I think you're off to a good start, just believe in yourself, apply yourself, keep your head down, eat right, exercise regularly, don’t respond sarcastically when the po-po ask you why you were driving erratically… You get the picture.
 
Who is your hero? "In my day to day life, I spend a lot of time with several heroes, like Super Happy, Super Motivated, Super Tired and all their friends (Sometimes I’m Super Hungry, which is like hungry but with a cape!).” Hey, there’s that humour again. I’m not going to comment, I’m tired. Just tired, okay?

Where’s the place where you like to draw? "On my desk, and I like to nibble while drawing." I also nibble writing my articles, and this is why I’m a fat bastard. Be very careful, you’re only 18. It creeps up on you very slowly, and one day your metabolism collapses and you wake up one morning and you’re a fat bastard.

What inspires you? What pushed you into the arms of drawings? "My father, who himself studied fine arts, the Ghibli studio and manga artists like Takeshi Obata and Yana Toboso." It’s a real family affair then! How'd he like coming over to do an FML too? It would be cool to get the father on here after receiving the daughter! Then have a joint, 4 handed illustration after that. No? Come on, say yes Mr Eni’s dad!

Recommend a biscuit or your favourite food. "I have a very strict and healthy diet of Kinder chocolate, sweets and above all the top notch food: PICKLES!" What was I saying about snacking and being a fat bastard? I'll keep the pickles though, because I’m also dedicated to worshipping their boundless deliciousness.

What are your latest favourites in film, music, books and comics, etc. ? "I loved the latest Star Wars movie (With Kyshlo Ren, you’re right back!) And I’m a fan of the Harry Potter saga forever. Wingardium Leviosa! And above all I love the films of Tim Burton. Right now, I’m watching Breaking Bad. Walter, we are all with you!" I’ll therefore avoid spoilers in this article, it would be really bastardly. And I'm not like that. I swear.

Who are the main artists that you like? "I love the drawings of Sakimichan, they are beautiful." And in life, what else do you like? "Besides drawing, I love video games. (Zelda FF14, Skyrim ...)." Fair enough. I have no idea what any of all that is, but I'll go along with it.

If you had to tell us your own FML, what would it be? "One day my dad borrowed my DS, he then put it on a table in a puddle, it died instantly. FML” Oh yeah, I had a similar thing happen to me, but it wasn’t a DS, it was a kitten. Naaaaaaah, I’m joking, calm down PETA nutjobs.

Finally, if you were to give advice to someone starting out in illustration, what would you say to motivate them? "If you are passionate and motivated, don’t let go and believe in yourself!” That's what I tell myself every time I go to bed. And when I wake up in the morning, it’s a different kettle of fish.

That's it for this week! Thank you Eni for being along for the ride, it was cool. Come back and see us whenever you want, we will always have room for you on this page. Next week, there will be an illustration, or maybe not. I don’t know. It’s the mystery. I have to move house, repaint an apartment, everything’s changing, the vagaries of life. You don’t care right now, but the changes will affect you too, so ... stay tuned! Until then, I leave you with a musical dog and a yoga goat. Until next week for next part. Or not. Anyway, stay beautiful, sexy and funky fresh!

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1575 - Illustrated FML - On 02/12/2016 at 11:07am by Alan - 5 comments

Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016

Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal you). Yes, I've still been active in the FML postbag, with the help of my friends over there who give me your messages. I read through them and decide which ones to answer, because a lot of them are a bunch of whining dross, frankly. Oh, I forgot. I've been told to be nicer. Yes, me. Bernie. Nicer. It seems that some of you have sent in annoying e-mails to complain about my "tone" and my "shitty advice", saying that I'm not a "real agony aunt" and that I should be "thrown into a canal attached to some bricks". Well, OK, I'll try to be nicer, if that's what you people want. Let's get on with it.

How does this work again? You know all this already! We asked you wonderful people if you had any problems, whether of the heart, the knob, the boobs or any other part of your body. I'd read them from the comfort of my armchair, and dole out whatever advice I'd deemed necessary. No need for therapy or anything like that.


In therapy, tissues are supplied in case a patient breaks out in tears, or starts masturbating like a gibbon.


I've been reading your complaints. Someone asked how "young" I was. Are you an idiot? It's in my profile, or so I'm told. To write to me, you have to click on my profile, so it's written right there. Is this what it's come to, people asking me to give them answers which are already displayed on the FML website-thing? Just in case people are wondering, the moon isn't made of cheese and Elvis is dead. Anyway, let's get to it. Please remember that everyone featured on this page is a willing participant, and understood what they were getting into.
 

Cheap shot


Our first question of the year is one from Railroader:

"Dear Auntie Bernie, My fiancée is wonder how you keep yourself looking so young? She is really jealous of your good looks."

Oh you little charmer you. Let's get on with the real questions, shall we?
 

I am what I am


Catdragon needs to know about shitty parents:

"I really want to get a girlfriend, but my parents are homophobes. if I get a girlfriend, I'll eventually have to tell my parents and introduce them. I don't want to get into a situation where I'm forced to pick between my family and my lover. I've already told them I'm bisexual, but that didn't go down too well. what should I do? I hope I did this right."

The last time around, I said that parents were idiots. I said that as a joke, and some got offended and send me death threats and voodoo dolls as if to prove my point. This question demonstrates that some parents are dangerous. Being hateful and unevolved is by all means everyone's right. People like this will die out eventually, probably after having blown their head off accidentally with one of the guns they love so much, and the rest of us can get on with being a decent, caring society. So, young Catdragon, yes, your parents don't "approve" of whatever it is you get up to in the bedroom, or who you fall in love with. So what? You don't need their approval. Live your life, move out and tell them to read a book every now and again. No, not that one.

 

Fancy that


An anonymous person is all over the place:

"So I've have taken a fancy on this one girl who is a grade above me (I'm a sophomore and she's a junior) and she's told me about how she plans to graduate early and go to an out-of-state college soon after. I haven't told her how I feel yet, and I will, but I'm concerned on whether or not it's worth it to be with her. After all, even if we were to date, it wouldn't be long before she left me for college. I'm not into long-distance relationships: I find the distance discomforting. Thank you for the advice. :)?"

Hang on, sophomore dude. What's with all this planning ahead? Have you lost your mind? You're debating the pros and cons of dating someone who has yet to graduate, you haven't told her how you feel, you haven't changed your socks in 9 days and you expect an answer right now? You're not into long-distance relationships, you find the distance "discomforting". Hey, I'm not into people who say "on accident". People who say "on accident" instead of "by accident" are automatically put into a category in my brain, people I couldn't trust not to try and fuck my dog. But I digress. Anyway, talk to this girl, tell her what's going on in your mind. Well, not too much. Keep it to the "I fancy you" part. As Funkadelic sort of said, free your mind, the long-distance thing should work itself out.


Crushed


Trumpetsk is hesitating: 

"My boyfriend left me for my best friend several months ago. I'm still stuck pining over him, I'm trying to move on but even talking to other guys makes me feel like I'm cheating. I had a son with this guy and my weakness is affecting my son. How do I stop pining over a guy who obviously doesn't care about me or his son? How do I stop being so weak?"

He doesn't care about his son? Why are you pining for this dingdong? He's an absolute ass. I know, I'm supposed to keep my composure. But this sort of thing really makes my blood turn piss-yellow. You're not pining for him, you're pining for the idea of the relationship. The whole "my guy, our kid" thing. Move on. If you realize that this ass, sorry, ASS is worth nothing, zilch, you'll soon realize that a new guy is just round the corner, ready and waiting to be there for you and your son. I'm not saying, "Go for the good guys", because that's apparently a "thing" on the internet. My neighbor told me about these twits, and bleh. Just find someone who you get on with. Pining after the past just stops you from moving forward. It's easy to blame everything on the past, stay stuck on amber and think that your best days are behind you. They're not. Move on. Get some!
 

My sister


Another question from LivToFail, who is concerned about her body:

"I need advice, im trying to get in shape, im eating square meals, and exercising 2 hours a day, but it seems my stress with homework and schoolwork, along with parents and clubs is putting me in a time crunch, is there any way for me to get some shit off my back before I hit the dust under it? I want some hard advice because I just dont know how to juggle it anymore."

Time is like a spiral. It's also a song by Pink Floyd. I remember when I saw Pink Floyd in 1972 and they played "Time", Dave Gilmour was so... sorry, I was having an acid flashback. Some people think that time is elastic. Others think it's a social construct. I've even heard people say that time is an orange peel falling to the floor of a caveman discovering how to eat fruit. But that was my ex, and he was a German electronic musician, and you know what they're like. Anyway, square meals, exercising... Wait, what? Two hours a day? What is wrong with you? Are you mad? OK, I'm all for being sporty and fit and stuff, but isn't that a bit much? You need to work out (pun intended) what it is you want from life. Do you want to succeed in getting a cool job, educating yourself to how the world works, or do you want to run around and lift things for two hours a day? You might as well literally juggle. If your parents are forcing you to do stuff, tell them to back off until you figure out what you actually want to do. Remember: this will change all through your life. What you want to do right now will be totally different in 10 years. I know this is hard to believe when you're 20 years old, but it's true. And people who say any different have no imagination, and can't see any further than their grave. I used to think I was going to be a secretary. Then I discovered Pink Floyd and the blues. Never looked back. Have fun! 

Last question from an anonymous person:

"I have the most incredible boyfriend. We really hit it off and have a lot in common, and he understands me like nobody else. This is turning out to be a long term thing, but the problem is he can never keep a job or leave the house. I'm not shallow and it's not the money that bothers me, it's the lack of motivation and the idea of supporting him that upsets me. Do I stick with it, or start to cut it off? The stress this situation is putting on our relationship is almost to the breaking point. How do I handle this?"

See? This is the Yin to the Yang of the guy from the previous question. Or maybe the wang. Should I set the two of you up. You need to dump this loser, stat. People need to have dreams, ambitions, motivation to do… something. Maybe he's depressed, maybe he's got something going on in his head, we've all been there. I've suffered with crippling depression, but it never stopped me from going out and getting a job. Especially because it fueled my drug habit to combat the depression. But that's another story. Ask him if he's depressed, try and get him to see a specialist. If he won't, well... you have to think of yourself. Don't let him drag you down. The love is important, you've got that going for you. If he understands you the way you say he does, he'll make the effort. Good luck!

 

There, that'll do for this month. As I've said, if you wrote to me and you're a bit pissed off to see that you weren't featured in this month's column, don't send me any furious messages anymore! You might appear next month. If you want to write to me to appear in the near future, my profile is here, or click on my message in the comments under the article. 


Who let the dogs out?
 

This is last part of the column: the profile pic. The people who wrote to me also have faces. I don't mean the people who cheat by using pictures stolen from Instagram accounts belonging to other people (In doubt? Google reverse image search) and claim "That's me!", I'm talking about the people who are brave (or stupid) enough to put their real face on FML, and who have agreed to appear here.

This week, we're taking a look at Space_Teddy. Classic "looking up at the camera" pose going on here. I like it. But what's with the tattoo? Is that a tattoo? I'm all for expressing yourself with tattoos and body art, but I can't read it. It says something about Love, which is trite, and I just hope it says "Love is like licking a 9v battery". Which is true. And also like anulingus. Not a fan of the lip ring, but that's a bit of a young person's thing. When I was young, we just had earrings and that was your lot. None of these metal bits all over your body. The idea of putting something through my old titties makes me feel a bit faint. I like the face though. Pretty girl. Must get a lot of guys hot under the collar. Weird musical notes though. Probably listens to crap music, with guys that scream about how their parents won't let them go out. Gah.

 

That's my first column of the year over with. I hope you liked it. Or loved it. Either way, next time, maybe you'll be featured if you've sent me a letter. Just write if you want to be featured as the profile picture person. Makes no difference. In any case, don't be shy, write to me if you need help and/or need advice on how to live your life. I'll try and help out, in my own special way. Take care, young people of FML that I love <3

Auntie Bernie is dressed by Bénédicte of Bloutouf

#1574 - About FMyLife - On 02/05/2016 at 12:14pm by Auntie Bernie - 18 comments