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Illustrated FML (336) - About FMyLife (94) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Pictures (8) - Competitions (6)

OK jkjk it was FMLS April Fools


Yah its know over, ive stoppd wrotting… Sorry, I'll try again.

There, it's over, I can stop typing TXT language with my forehead. Yes, you probably cottened on that it was our little April Fool's joke, and we had a lot of fun putting it together. It was quite the Michael Bay production, the artistic direction was perfectly executed, just what was required to pay tribute to our many friends who have quite a freestyle approach to spelling, grammar and words in general. It was an automated system, run on a 1984 Commodore 64, so to answer the question we got many times, no, we don't have to manually correct all the FMLs now. Some amongst us didn't like the idea.
I'm guessing these guys need to find hats to eat, because the joke worked fantastically for most users!

Now, a lot of the time, a few people go nuts when a word appears on FML that they feel doesn't meet their standards (I'm talking of the people like those who still haven't grasped that "realise" and "realize" are both correct spellings of the same word), and some others think that the Illuminati are behind the introduction of new words like "selfie" into the collective subconcious, but language is constantly evolving, there's no stopping it. But boy, were we not expecting you guys to hyperventilate so much over an April Fool's Day joke!

Some responses were downright angry, the joke going right over their heads:

"I am wondering why your site's grammar has suddenly turned to shit. Posts I read just yesterday have now changed my to mah and other such translation errors from foreign posts. One I just read was so ridiculous I could barely understand it. I'm just wondering when this new trend started and why you would make your well established site look like a 4 year old moderates it?"

Or they wrote in, with a chip on their shoulder from being stuck on planet Nofun :

"Might want to check your spelling as it is atrocious. Seeing as how I'm not going to get a straight response from you, i suppose you think this is pretty funny. And as it is April 1st, i say kudos on the joke. Can you change it back or are you waiting to get every FML viewer to be unable to make any sense of it until tomorrow?"

Some were confused, and sent in confusing e-mails:

"I open that app and usually can understand every post and today they don't make sense at all. what happen? They aren't spelled right and they don't make sense. please fix I don't want to delete the app."

"its likebthe words are turned into ganster words."

Others were just sad people who don't enjoy life being fun, like EnglishMajorBuzzkill here:

And of course, we got insults from people working out their anger issues instead of looking at a calendar:

"I'm not sure why you felt the need to change your page, but its awful, and I absolutely hate it. I used to read your page every day, and now I dont think I ever will again. For days I couldn't find the recent stories, and now all the posts look like 5years wrote it. It literally hurt my brain. No love or compliments. The page sucks now, sorry not sorry."

Thankfully, most people enjoyed the joke, when they got it. But it wasn't easy to get the message across, even when we had to spell it out for them. Yes, we actually tried pointing out that they should look at a calendar. And they still didn't cotton on. It was like talking to the fucking Matrix or something. But it was all in good fun, no harm done. Some egos got ruffled along the way, but the general reaction was an all-round gut laugh, with some nice messages like this one:

"That was pretty good. I thought I went brain dead at first. I read the fmls before midnight (31st) then in the morning while getting ready for work I read the new ones and couldn't believe it. I went and looked at the ones I read before bed and thought "holy hell was I that tired I misread everything? I could have sworn it was normal!" Lol

Well played master trolls"

So who knows, maybe FML in 2307 will use a version of the English language that will have permutated to the point that it will ressemble the one we used and parodied for this year's April Fool's. FML has always been at the cutting edge. We are pioneers. Our moms said so.

That's enough TXTing. Or is it?

Some people think that breviety is the soul of wit, meaning that you shouldn't flog a dead horse. Or a joke shouldn't hang around too long, basically. But when one was as good as our April Fool's one, we should be able to keep it for posterity. So, to enjoy it again, or for those of you who missed it the first time around, here's a TXT-generator for FML, just click on this link:

I want to TXT-up FML's homepage!

There we go. We hope you enjoyed this little joke as much as we did, but we're going to go back to a more orthodox spelling/grammar combo, one that doesn't hurt our eyes so much. 2307 can wait, eh.

#1510 - About FMyLife - On 03/30/2015 at 4:54am by Alan - 147 comments

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to a boozy night with their friends. It's also pretty nice to get home on a Friday night after a hard week at the factory, stripping off the blue overalls and forgetting all about making yoghurt pots while watching coloured dots move from one side of the TV screen to another. A lot of things have happened this week. Pollution has pumped shite into our earholes, Y has left the boyband X (I'm using X and Y in case someone is reading this 10 years from now, the names from 2015 will mean nothing to anyone by then), and I found a coin in the street. What a week! So, what do we want right now? A nice hot bath of course.


"I love candy, they're where I get my energy from! As for biscuits, as long as chocolate is involved, I'm fine. Any vices? Candy, of course!"

Self portrait Sophie by Sophie Marie


Sophie Marie isn't a first name or a nickname. It's her name and surname. I was confused at first. More on that later, let's check out her stats. 

Her info:
Age: Quarter to 33.
Location: Chambéry, France
Blog: Her website or check her out on Facebook
Her illustrated FML: The one with the bath

Initially, I thought I'd received a personal e-mail. When I saw that I'd been contacted by "Sophie Marie", I thought that I'd got an e-mail from the wonderful Sophie-Marie Larrouy who I've mentioned recently. I nervously clicked on the link, hoping that it was at least a proposal to go out on a date to eat a some cheeseburgers, or in some sort of utopia, she would be inviting me to meet her parents and go running down a hill, but not at all. But I'm not saying that I was disappointed, far from it. This Sophie Marie is a heck of an artist. I've rarely seen such confidence in the way the drawings are put together, and all done with great taste. Her illustrated FML was practically finished as well when she wrote in, so we just had to iron out a few things and hey presto, here it is. So, who is this person? Let's find out. 

Who are you and why are you in my garden? "Well, I can safely say that I spend most of my time drawing! Either for myself or to order. What's left of my free time, besides the inevitable chores like cooking, housework, washing and all the rest, I go walking, I do DIY, decorating, I take care of my invasive 3 cats, my place and my family. But generally everything relates to my computer, my stylus or the pencil in my hand!" And she enjoys it, of course. If I had her talent, I'd be constantly showing off, but she's not like that : "I just like the fact that my job is 100% compatible with myself, my personality, my days, being my own boss. What do I need? Knowing I'll always have contracts. That's the dark side of being freelance, you never know what the coming months are going to be like, it's quite stressful." The pros and cons of being your own boss sound pretty tough, I don't know if I could do it. I start to panic if there's only two bottle of Pepsi Max left in the fridge, rather than the usual twelve. 

How did you start out? "I've always been very handy, even at a young age, and drawing was one of the activities I liked the most. I was told that my drawing style was unusual (I drew 3/4 profiles when most people drew people from the front, for example). So when people around you and your teachers compliment you on your pencil work, you're encouraged to do better! So, I've always drawn, to the point of doing nothing but drawing. When I was in high school I started to develop my own style, using manga characters from Dragon Ball as examples, then moving on to Michael Turner and his Witchblade comics to continue my apprenticeship. Then I discarded the models, and started to create my own characters, my avatar, etc." 

And now, where are you heading? "I'm going to carry on having fun in the same way I've been having fun for the past 9 years! There isn't a project that attracts me more than another. I'm interested by everything, as long as I have fun." That's a great way to live your life. I apply the same philosophy to beer and psychotropes, but it's better to apply it to work. But Sophie, isn't there something you want to tell us about? "I don't have anything new to announce today! Go to my website, you'll find all my publications to date, and for those to come, I unfortunately can't say because they're a work in process or I don't have a release date." OK, we'll have to check out her website now and again. And she'll come and do another illustrated FML when she's got something to tell us. 

Besides drawing, what do you like? "I'm someone who likes the most simple things in life! If you want to give me a present? Give me some liquorice or a lollipop. I enjoy walking in the mountains, going shopping to empty my mind, eating pancakes in front of a good movie, watching my cats fight over a stupid plastic ball even though there are at least twenty more all over the apartment, eating a good fondue in the middle of summer just because I feel like it." I'm guessing that the fondue is the cheese one, seeing as she's from a mountainous area. I love that stuff. Can I come? And what about blogs, artists and all that jazz? "The first illustrator I liked was Maliki, who tells stories about their cats, so of course I was going to love it. I'm also a big fan of Emilie Decrock, who has a very "simple" drawing style. And it's always a pleasure to discover the new anecdotes by Clémence Perrault and Bérénice."  

So, have you got some advice for someone starting out in illustrating? "Usually, someone who is starting out must have a whole lot of motivation right from the start, otherwise you're fucked! The only thing I can recommend and that will be useful to everyone: draw, draw, draw! Don't hesitate to copy stuff to learn muscles, human anatomy, body movements… You've got to hang in there, try everything, don't limit yourself and always listen to criticism from professionals, publishers or others and always ask the right questions! That's how you progress." Excellent answer, thanks!

Right, I think that'll do for this week. I'd like to thank Sophie from the bottom of my packet of Monster Munch. She'd given way more answers but I couldn't fit everything in. I'll save them for the director's cut! So, while we wait for the weekend to actually begin, remember that an FML can come from anywhere: don't count your eggs before they're in the basket. Be excellent to each other, and see you next week.

As always, if you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1509 - Illustrated FML - On 03/27/2015 at 11:23am by Alan - 12 comments

Sidonie's illustrated FML

Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant satire of the pharmaceutical industry! Nah, just kidding. This week we're taking a look at kids. No, not in a creepy way. More in a disapproving way, because kids can be evil little shits, and despite that, a lot of you people still insist on churning them out. And then we have to set our lives around your special snowflakes (don't make noise at night, there's a kid sleeping, don't make noise during the day, there's a kid… taking a nap. Put cotton wool in its ears, FFS). Oh, and there's the fact that kids are lying, manipulative psychopaths. I don't have actual facts to back this up, I'm only basing this on last Christmas when I stayed with my sister and her two demon-children. My niece could actually be the little girl in this week's illustrated FML. Intrigued? You should be. 


"This may seem strange, but I've got a phobia of slugs. Whenever I see one, I start screaming and run away."

Self-portrait Sidonie by Sidonie


Sidonie is a young lady. Yet another one. It's true that we've had quite a few on here, but guys just don't seem to write to me. I don't know why. Come on men, pull your finger out and start illustrating! 

Her info:
Age: 24
Location: "Somewhere between Paris and Nancy, France."
BlogDefinitely Sidonie
Her illustrated FML: The one with the bag

Sidonie is quite young. I remember when I was 24… Well, no, not really. It was so long ago. OK, I'll admit it, I'm going through a really bad nostalgia phase, thinking about time flying by, all because it was my birthday last week, and being 24 seems such a long time ago that I want to rip my eyeballs out and through them at passing traffic. Or not. It's ridiculous. Let's move on. Sidonie is a student: "I'm preparing my master's 1 in web design at an advertisement school, and I'm interning in a digital agency as an assistant artistic director." Does she enjoy doing what she does? Does she need anything? (this is where I expect the usual "I need more time" response): "I like the freedom, drawing allows me to express myself in a different way and be free. It's also a great solution against stress. I do lack some technical qualities (and maybe a certain sense of humour) but that will all fall into place eventually." Ah, the old sense of humour problem. The technical stuff can be learned, but a sense of humour I'm not so sure about. 

What are your projects or current activities? "I'm actively preparing my website so that it's truly in my image, and so that people will want to return to it. Updating and developing my blog is my main project outside of my internship for the moment." What about projects? "Promoting my blog, with the goal if possible to become an illustrator and to make a living out of it. I started out a short while ago so of course there's progress to be made, but that'll be OK, little by little!" According to all the artists that I've come across through this page, you have to create a client base and then let the word spread through word of mouth. So, anything is possible!

How did you start out? "I don't remember if someone or something made me want to draw, for as long as I can remember I've always had a pencil in my hand. Since I was little, I've drawn and drawn, I've even drawn all the characters from my favourite cartoons and movies, or created my own range of clothing (for a long period of my adolescence, I wanted to be a stylist." And what about your school days? "I've travelled a very bumpy road, full of doubts, changes and pitfalls, I've never really known what I wanted to do later (and I'm still wondering) and this has shown up in my trajectory." She went to art school, spent a year in Oxford, then back in France got an advertising diploma, a bachelor's degree in creation, and most amusingly: "a gap year at Glamour magazine as a graphics designer, which was probably my favourite internship, or should I say one of the best months of my life: gossip, a great working atmosphere with wonderful colleagues, bitching now and again, getting free beauty products, it was wonderful!" 

What do you enjoy in life? "At the moment, I don't have a lot of time due to my internship, so in the evenings I'm usually flat out like a pancake in front of the TV, playing Candy Crush (yes, I'm an addict) but I also like drawing in the evening, it allows me to break free from it all before going to sleep. At the weekend, I'm like everybody else, I go out with friends, shopping and I draw a lot too. And when I go back home, I visit my family and my dog, Harry. I recently took up sewing. I sometimes still draw clothes, and even if I'm far from it, I'd really like to make some one day. One of my other guilty pleasure is pastries. It's creative and has the advantage of tasting nice. I'm a cupcake specialist and if one day I want to give everything up, I'll open my own tea room." We'll come and visit with pleasure.

Have you got a personal FML to tell us about? "I'm hesitating because there's so many… Incidentally, that's why I created the blog, while telling my friends my stories, they'd say that my life could be a series and that I should write a book. The name Definitely Sidonie comes from the conversations, my friends often saying, "that sort of thing could only happen to you!" A recent tumble in a staircase like a stuntman, an alcohol-fuelled tumble I must admit… Last December, I lost my house keys and my phone after a party and all my friends had left. Luckily, I still had a credit card and a travel card. After trying my place (without managing to get it), I went to a friend's place (at 6:30 am) but the main door was closed, and as I didn't know the code to get in, I had to scream and shout, try codes, bang on the door in vain for 40 minutes. I managed to get warm and end my suffering when a neighbour (who checked to see if I wasn't a burglar) finally opened the door." Hmmm, are you sure your friends don't try to run away when they see you coming? Oh all right, I'm kidding, chill out. 

Do you have any advice for someone who is starting out in drawing? "Persevere! It's by practising that you become comfortable and that you progress. But the most important thing is to be passionate about what you're doing!" OK, duly noted. Passionate. Right. 

That'll be all for this week. It's time to turn off your computer and go and do something less boring instead. Go kick a kid up the backside, especially if he's whining about something in the middle of a supermarket. I'll be out and around, dancing like a man who has been tasered in the nipples. Join me in the dance of the return of Spring! See you next week, and as always, be excellent to each other. 

As always, if you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1508 - Illustrated FML - On 03/19/2015 at 9:12am by Alan - 12 comments

Bettina's illustrated FML

Can you feel the shitty atmosphere too? In the coffee shops, bars, in the company canteen, in the school playground at school in between two Marlboro Lights, on social networks with all the shitty comments that kick your self-esteem into the gutter when five minutes before you were feeling quite happy with life, because you'd put on a nice cardigan, I mean seriously, it's everywhere. To quote the wonderful Sophie-Marie Larrouy, "Cynicism is the 21st century's equivalent of the Spanish influenza." People aren't allowed to be kind any more, no way. You have ram people's faces into the mud with the shittiest put-down you can think of, so that whoever you are talking to can feel slightly bad about themselves, and realise that solidarity has given way to competitiveness, in all areas of life. Being cynical is now a default setting in everyday life for a lot of people, so if you've not be given a thick skin, you're in for a bumpy ride. This week's illustrated FML takes a look at the growing problem of today's youth getting involved in witchcraft instead of doing their homework. We could be cynical about that, but we won't. Let's be compassionate.


"My daughter asked me once if she was allowed to taste one of my cookies because she actually thought they were only for adults."

Self-portrait Bettina by Bettina


Bettina isn't a nickname. It's her real name, and it's rather nice. It's her first time on FML, so let's be nice to her. 

Her info:
Age: 35
Location: Aubagne, France
Blog: Bettina illustration
His illustrated FML: The one with the apple

Bettina is a freelance illustrator. She says so herself. When I ask her what she does for a living, she replies "I'm a freelance illustrator." See? See lacks time, which is what a lot of freelance illustrators say. But see seems to enjoy what she does, and more specifically, "Escaping, imagining, making my clients happy when I managing to paint what they had in mind, thinking about something other than everyday life. As I'm a mom, I'm Cinderella but the fairy godmother never came." I feel a tinge of sadness in that reply but let's not go there. The fairy godmother is a bit of a mean old cow sometimes. 

So, how did she get to where she is now? "Nothing too crazy up until high school. Then six months of a biology course, I failed a nursing exam, I took it again in the army and then they made a mistake in my papers and I wound up as an electro-mechanic on helicopters. I loved it. I think I was more at home than as a nurse. I had to leave the army for personal reasons and I bought myself a course in a career that's a fulfilling as the first one, but I can control my timetable much more freely." Wow, electro-mecanic on helicopters, whatever that is, sounds good. I'm impressed. I don't know much about helicopters but I do know that used to watch Airwolf when I was younger and it made me jump up and down and a little bit of wee would come out. So, yeah, helicopters. 

How about projects, where you going, girl? "I share my projects with Monica with whom I develop youth albums in sign language to help people learn the language, parents (who can hear) as well as children, deaf or not."  
By the way, if you're an illustrator who wants the publicity, a decent quality beginner, or even an established professional, don't hesitate to contact us, or even me directly at [email protected] to take part and get your own spotlight.

The usual, but important question: how did you get started? Was there something or someone who made you want to start drawing? I've always drawn but I didn't expect to make a career out of it. As I didn't have solid bases, it was the only job that was compatible with my handicapped daughter's timetable (I hate the word handicapped)." The cynical people I mentioned in the intro would probably have something to say at this point, but turning your life around for your kids is a commendable thing to do. In any case, it's not that easy just to give up and go do something to change your whole life around. Sometimes, in the comments on FML I read some really cynical or naive ramblings, especially concerning jobs. If someone has the audacity to post a story about having a rocky relationship with their workplace, someone will always say, "Well, at least you've got a job" and then some other genius will say, "If you don't like it, why don't you get another job?" Yep, because jobs are a dime a dozen down at the job tree, you just have to pick one that fits your size, you can have three all at once if you want. Nitwits.

So, besides your work and your kids, what do you like? "Besides drawing, I like walking by the seaside, reading, making clothes for my daughters and me, watching a movie in the evening while eating M&Ms under my "old lady's blanket" (according to my significant other)." How about movies, books, etc.? "Movies: "Big Hero 6" by Disney, it's great and there's no singing in it. Wonderful. Series: "Game of Thrones", in book format as well. I love comic books, from Tintin to Lanfeust by Troy and Monkey D. Luffy. I like blogs also, for example Tony Di Terlizzi, Laure Phelipon, Emilie Decrock, Noukah…"

Speaking of blogs, do you have any advice for someone like me who is trying to learn how to draw? "You should never stop drawing, even if you don't have a specific project, it's the only way to progress. Enter drawing contests, illustration contests, etc., sometimes the comments you get in return allow you to understand what's wrong easier. I've failed loads. The last one allowed me to work with Monica, I failed it but the comments were good." OK, I'll take heed of all that, but I'm still shit. Maybe one day I'll do my own illustrated FML, under a false identity and surprise everyone. But not yet. For now, my illustration style is like a spider falling into an ink well, having a stroke and then dashing across a piece of paper.

To finish off, how about a personal FML? "As often is the case, a travelling salesman rang at the door. I open the door. "Hello, is your mother home?" I was 25. OK, I'm not very tall, like a 12-year-old." That's a classic. It's even happened to a prominent member of FML, but I won't give any names because I don't want to be slapped in the noggin.

That's it for now, because it's late. We can go outside, and have fun. Unless you can't. Remember to call your parents to tell them you love them, even if sometimes they get on your nerves and sometimes forward you e-mails that blame Obama for everything from bad cable reception to Uncle Terry the alcoholic losing his job down at the saw mill. And get some sleep as well. Sleeping is good for you. I'll be out talking into a microphone for charity this weekend. No joke. I don't know how I get dragged into these things… Oh, yeah, because I stopped being cynical, and I tried being nice. Try it, it's fun (even though you can get bogged down in rules and regulations, and you have to talk into a microphone to a bar full of drunks). See you next week!

As always, if you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away

#1507 - Illustrated FML - On 03/06/2015 at 3:51am by Alan - 12 comments

The Best of the Worst #12

Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you are all doing OK, because these people certainly haven't. 

A quick reminded for those of you who are just discovering this thing: FML gets sent stories every day, a lot of them. Very few are actually posted on the front page every day, because many aren't very funny or interesting. But a small portion a just downright weird. This monthly collection is just us showing you the weirdest of the bunch, because we think they're unwittingly funny in their own, batshit way. Check out this month's drunken ramblings.

The Atkins diet

Today in sports studies i was trying to do my work, i then got lectured by my teacher and my best friend made me laugh all the way threw his lecture by saying “bumhole” repeatidly. The only foods now containing Carbohydrates are “bumholes”

That's cold

Today, I found out that my dad is also my eskimo brother. FML

Got milk?

Today, my vagina fell off in a dumpster and i cried really hard causing my asshole to lactate

GTA 45 : Made-Up City

Today, while walking to my new Ferrari I saw a big scratch,I’m the super firing intendent … I fired him and in the process of writing this I found 5 grand in the seat saying don’t fire me… I feel breathing on my neck me get arrested for “grand theft auto… Fml

Shoulda toed the line

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I had a toe. FML.


wow whats with men and rolling some sad sad sad cigs….lol….wow hes a sad sad person… my fiance is an ass he says its better then nothing. i would rather have nuthing. its as small as a Q-tip. lol FML

Cats rule the world

Today my cat crawled in my vagina and it hasn’t come out yet. Should I call someone for help? FML


Today, I went to my Mother’s funeral, and my boyfriend and I walked up to her coffin and he ran away. He was gone for along time so I went to check on him. apparently, Dead people turn him on and he was jacking off to the thought of my dead mother. He has also done this at his grandma’s funeral.

Can't say we have

Today, I broke a gas station. Did you? FML


I was looking at at epic fail pictures. When laughing so hard at one literary whit my pants. Talk at failing. Then the next to hours attempted to shat what off the floor. Later my dad came on in. Stared at the whit. And laughed his head off and said” nice dickbag”

That's it for this month. We'll be back in a month with some more, but if you enjoyed reading these, you can try and spot some more weird stuff by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the very beginning, so to all of you who've tried sending in odd FMLs to try and get published here: we know who you are. Be excellent to each other, and see you next month!


Bonus not-really-hidden, track. We're not really sure what this guy is on about, it's all over the place this one. It seems that person writing it was also smoking crack at the same time. We're not sure.


Like a BOSS

Today,theBOSSright as I tried leave called and I answeredNtold HIM off for20minutes telling errthing erryone had to say Bout him and all my deepest secrets about him I brought it up.I THOT I wasFIREDHe said”I called TO ask IF you wanted someX-tra HrsBUT”I’ll send your last chEck 2 U IN THE MAIL”.FML

#1506 - About FMyLife - On 03/03/2015 at 9:13am by Alan - 119 comments