Work, Awkward and Wanker: Wanker

Wanker

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 541

You deserved it 4 565

May weddings: Love and blunders
Weddings are supposed to be perfect, but our stories show that perfection can sometimes be... surprising! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 230

You deserved it 6 619

Meat

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 130

You deserved it 41 952

By Anonymous - 11/06/2015 21:20 - United States - Helena

Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 919

You deserved it 3 356

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 759

You deserved it 4 752

By mjperfetti84 - 22/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 483

You deserved it 6 178

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 315

You deserved it 4 277

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 2 541

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 2 239

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 157

You deserved it 2 590

By EMTGirl'sLife - 10/02/2015 03:15 - United States - Basking Ridge

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 563

You deserved it 2 822

altkat 3

Monday 30 March 2009 21:01

At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that creepy old men have the hots for you. Congratulations.

crazy_cat_lady 0

Monday 30 March 2009 21:28

Haha something similar happened to me! I was working for a podiatrist that visits nursing homes, and I had to kneel down on the floor to take off a patient's shoes and socks. I heard the patient breathing harder and harder, so I stood up, afraid that he was having a heart attack or a stroke or something. Then I saw his hard on, and realized he had just been staring down my scrub top. Old men are so perverted!

Comments

ilovefml99 0

Monday 30 March 2009 23:55

wow thats disturbing

foolishwolf 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:13

******* eww

neonoodle 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:15

#36 Is Alzheimer's the new excuse to be yourself?

Bear_Sandwich 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:46

Old people are freakin' bat shit. ew...

itsgabriellee 4

Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:36

I've never heard bat shit used as an adjective. But okay..?

Gringo_fml 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:50

Hah Legend.

greennailpolish 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 0:59

ahhhh. haha. wow. well hey, at least it makes a good story? though creepy.

wordgirl 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:00

It's nice to be appreciated. :p

captainfailure 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:08

nice, if it were me (even tho im a guy) i would be flattered.

ah_haha 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:09

yucko = who said she deserved this? That's terrible... and yet funny, lol

DeathByIrony90 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:11

hahaha this is like an FML earlier where a guy was working as a cashier, an old lady gave him a tip by taking a quarter and putting it down his pants stroked a bit, and winked. Ge was like "omg I got groped by a grandma!" So that might put things in perspective; you didn't actually get physically violated...