First Dates and Love: Tonight, on First Dates…

Tonight, on First Dates…

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was, "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 221

You deserved it 5 589

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Same thing different taste

Stinker

By taman - 12/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN!" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 934

You deserved it 5 354

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 242

You deserved it 675

By great. - 02/01/2013 18:59

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 967

You deserved it 3 557

By hollysofly - 15/01/2011 07:38 - United States

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 7 939

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 961

You deserved it 7 915

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 142

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 844

You deserved it 4 421

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 835

You deserved it 5 272

Deal breaker

By frankie - 19/01/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 903

You deserved it 3 543

By manderz? - 03/08/2016 00:18 - United States - Beach Haven

Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 479

You deserved it 1 115

teiso_fml 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 12:24

Since it's your first date ever, here's something you should know about guys: Sometimes, they have to poo. Even when they're on a date. It's not their fault, it's just the way their bodies work.

SaintJimmy 0

Thursday 5 November 2009 12:18

You do not want. Trust me I know these kinds of people.

Comments

SGTSlaughter 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 4:07

You're in love with Peter Griffin?

mcguyver98 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 6:24

what a ******* asshole, dump the jerk!

burbujas15 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 8:26

This just sounds like a typical guy, not much to hype about--he's human. And I don't understand why people would dump them instantly for this... what do you expect? A rose petal shower and serenade on your doorstep?

greent_fml 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 8:45

Honey, he's just not that into you.

NickP88 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 10:45

Sounds like me and I'm a nice guy! Although, I usually don't say that FIRST... maybe like the 3rd date.

meheeeen 0

Sunday 8 November 2009 8:29

This is an ongoing joke between my boyfriend of over and year and I. We talk about our *****. Everyone *****. Stop acting like you don't in the name of being 'polite', we have asses and the food we eat has to go somewhere.

w_axlerod 0

Sunday 8 November 2009 19:30

Having an anus myself, I am sympathetic to the "everybody poops" argument... But really, to say, "I have to take a dump" on the first date? Where the hell are his manners?

Mot_Bot 0

Monday 9 November 2009 2:52

Sounds like a pretty OK guy.

HighLife19 0

Monday 9 November 2009 4:36

When you need to go, you need to go. What else are you suppose to do? Would you have rather him shit in his pants while sitting next to you the entire evening? Maybe that would have been better, then him having the decency to use the restroom like everyone else in the ******* world.