Animals: Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put...

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 4 966

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 7 310

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 283

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 549

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 354

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 274

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 4 793

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 355

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 506

You deserved it 28 622

By grosssss - 01/01/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 727

You deserved it 3 429

DaleksAreEpic 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:06

I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.

catnip216 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:13

This is why cats are awesome.

Comments

GreeneyedWonder 0

Monday 21 February 2011 3:43

Guys, his sister could be next to his bed, not necessarily in the bed with him. As in standing there. Or maybe they share a room. Or maybe she put the cat on his face. Dear goodness, please don't ALWAYS assume it has to be incest...

Iskaria 0

Monday 21 February 2011 12:23

that and op is a she -.-

bloobelly 0

Monday 21 February 2011 3:48

that's funny

skyeyez9 24

Monday 21 February 2011 4:06

Why were you struggling to get a cat which probably weighs a whole 11lbs off of you? It's not like you had a pet 400 lb lion on you.

CTVrhythmguitari 8

Monday 21 February 2011 4:25

ohh how little we know :D all cats are really vicious murderers :D their happy and fluffy exterior is just their camouflage, which they use to indirectly make us believe that they are happy and fun-loving creatures :D

MehSuperiorStyle 1

Monday 21 February 2011 4:33

I'm sorry but that's hilarious.

Djahcrap 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:17

Oh, jeez.

FMLMaster2010 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:24

Next a 1000 ways to die episode!!

calley123 0

Tuesday 22 February 2011 2:00

haha I'd pee my pants if that became an episode

pinkballoon 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:28

This is why I have dogs.

bringonthebling 0

Monday 21 February 2011 5:30

I understand why your sister laughed. I thought about it, and lol'd.

kocoman500 2

Monday 21 February 2011 5:44

and THIS is why I hate cats -.-

koolkat27 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:35

the cat probably just wanted affection or to cuddle. I don't get how people can be so weird and hate cats, they're the best type of pet to have, not too clingy like a dog, but cuddly.