Animals, Health and Cats: Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood...

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

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Same thing different taste

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 549

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 4 621

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 4 966

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 98

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 278

You deserved it 31 804

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 283

By no - 08/12/2016 14:37 - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 968

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 819

You deserved it 1 369

By Noname - 04/02/2009 11:23 - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 091

You deserved it 38 823

By MoncaBang - 29/01/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 670

You deserved it 3 440

breemonster 13

Friday 28 December 2018 13:02

Cats...assholes but yet we love them.

Dave_Davington 33

Friday 28 December 2018 13:26

At least you won't feel bad about it next time you accidentally step on him.

Comments

breemonster 13

Friday 28 December 2018 13:02

Cats...assholes but yet we love them.

Dave_Davington 33

Friday 28 December 2018 13:26

At least you won't feel bad about it next time you accidentally step on him.

weaboo 12

Saturday 29 December 2018 8:22

If you have a cat that just happens sometimes and you live with that

Mungolikecandy 19

Saturday 29 December 2018 10:47

Cats. The serial killer people invite to live with them.

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I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 5 027

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You deserved it 2 826

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 3 711

You deserved it 692

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I agree, your life sucks 24 660

You deserved it 55 811

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I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 4 927

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I agree, your life sucks 34 345

You deserved it 12 330

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I agree, your life sucks 5 850

You deserved it 460

Today, I was drinking too much and I have to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I pissed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 2 008