Animals: Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put...

By Michelle - 20/02/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 4 966

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 495

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 7 310

Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 283

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 549

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 354

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 274

By Anonymous - 31/07/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 653

You deserved it 4 793

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 355

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 506

You deserved it 28 622

By grosssss - 01/01/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 727

You deserved it 3 429

DaleksAreEpic 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:06

I bet your cat is secretly a hired assassin.

catnip216 0

Monday 21 February 2011 0:13

This is why cats are awesome.

Comments

cyaneyedangel 2

Monday 21 February 2011 10:25

It's a shame you couldn't just roll over or something equally magical to try and dislodge it in some way.

chrstygrl06 10

Monday 21 February 2011 12:30

Sorry, I was tired of laying near the danger zone. <3 your cat

GreeneyedWonder 0

Monday 21 February 2011 15:05

93 - Sorry, I can't see the gender on my phone.

blahblahblah5_x 13

Monday 21 February 2011 15:13

Cats are actually devil animals.

skyeyez9 24

Monday 21 February 2011 15:14

Why does everyone assume incest? they can sleep in the same room and not have sexual feelings. 150 years ago, most families ALL piled up to sleep in one bed because they were poor and could afford one bed. To keep warm in the winters and prob so rats didn't crawl on them on the dirt floor of their cabin.

klong91 7

Monday 21 February 2011 15:28

Really? you couldn't get a cat off your face?

glitchedgamer 0

Monday 21 February 2011 16:40

At least you'd be remembered as the guy who does with a face full of pussy.

guppy40000 0

Monday 21 February 2011 18:01

lots of cats do this its common behaviour. Your cat clearly feels it owns you.

sarah0811_fml 0

Monday 21 February 2011 18:03

cats are absolutely evil! no one believes me when I say it but this proves it!

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Monday 21 February 2011 18:52

How can you not get a cat off your face? I also hope it was the cat's front end that was on your face. I also wonder if your sister put the cat there while you were sleeping since she was there laughing at you.