Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun"....

By notsexy - 28/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 761

You deserved it 8 438

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 248

You deserved it 17 540

Effective

By Nublet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 371

You deserved it 5 573

By InTheDoghouse23 - 24/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 851

You deserved it 59 327

By Ticklish - 13/04/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 669

You deserved it 4 448

Sketchy

By Wolf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 855

You deserved it 2 460

Killing the mood

By hotmess - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 644

You deserved it 8 751

Scary!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 205

You deserved it 5 870

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 931

You deserved it 3 025

Courtesy visit

By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 358

Learxst 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:12

I lol'd. But here's a thing. Us guys are clueless. If something doesn't feel good, or if he's doing something wrong... tell him. He will correct himself, and it'll be much easier for the both of you.

deathbunny256 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:17

"Hewwo! My name is Ms Boob! And you aw?"

Comments

ashweeeee 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 3:56

hahaha my boyfriend does that, I find it incredibly cute. You need to chill >_

babzy 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 4:35

so what?

dramakat11 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 5:00

Lol, that's cute and funny. Lighten up and enjoy being silly! I'm a pretty serious person so I love how playful and silly my bf is. He helps me laugh and have fun.

abbadizzle 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 5:01

That's what you get for dating 14 year olds. no jk jk. Funny though.

lifeisniiice 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 5:01

Haha funny boyfriend WIN!!!! Just flip him over and make his butt cheeks talk with your hands.. he'll get the picture and realize he is being dumb.

justanotherhuman 21

Saturday 1 August 2009 5:59

well put.

ashapasha 11

Thursday 30 July 2009 5:52

My friend's boyfriend does that all the time and he named them and talks to them ALL the time

jmanowski 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 6:32

i've done that too many times to count

strawberryswirl 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 6:47

My boyfriend blows on mine, like on a belly, and makes farting noises. It's a lot less romantic than what yours does, but I think it's hilarious.

DoctorDoomed_fml 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 7:23

I'm going to say, you immediately lose any right to complain about someone you're with due to the irrefutable fact that YOU are dating them. If these are your standards, these are your standards. If you don't like what you pick, then it really is your fault. Want a different guy? Get a different guy. It's like going to your refrigerator and being like, "Man, some idiot bought chocolate milk again. I HATE chocolate milk."