Transportation: Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I...

By rene - 22/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 873

You deserved it 3 366

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 04:57 - United States - Paducah

Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 022

You deserved it 4 325

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 32 260

Partyblocked

By story of my life - 07/03/2022 02:00

Today, it's my birthday. I'd asked my mom weeks ago if she could watch my kids, so my husband and I could go celebrate. She told me an hour before we were supposed to leave I'd have to reschedule, so she could watch my brother's kids while he goes out for fun. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 99

Drive

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 16:59 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Two of my best friends forgot it, and so did my grandparents. All of my friends were busy, so I spent it alone in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 114

Lower your expectations

By Brilliant... - 25/05/2011 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year-olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 580

You deserved it 5 308

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 11:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was the designated driver. It was also my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 195

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 11:29 - Netherlands

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 764

You deserved it 3 822

By Thomas - 13/12/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing "Happy birthday" with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 735

You deserved it 2 717

By not_so_sweet_sixteen - 17/03/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 496

You deserved it 55 819

By nick - 24/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 489

You deserved it 12 597

TheMadScientist 13

Monday 22 August 2011 23:00

Awesome kids!

takanuva0123 0

Monday 22 August 2011 23:01

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Comments

WCARlover 34

Monday 22 August 2011 23:09

Important thing is...you got them back :) happy birthday!

Tristan_aust 11

Monday 22 August 2011 23:10

Should of used a condom!

shoopd 19

Monday 22 August 2011 23:41

Should HAVE paid attention in English class!

Tristan_aust 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 1:54

^Should have used a condom. Sorry freak...

TheSchizoPsycho 5

Friday 26 August 2011 2:52

Love button??

lardinmybum 1

Saturday 29 September 2012 23:55

Dudeman!

MissRoxiie 12

Monday 22 August 2011 23:12

It wasnt bad intentions ;) your kids just wanted to give you something, and maybe you realy did lose them

stormchaser24 24

Monday 22 August 2011 23:13

that is cute and funny. lol

iampetard 0

Monday 22 August 2011 23:14

Cool kids

JumbledGirl 2

Monday 22 August 2011 23:16

Maybe they should "lose" some toys

TheSchizoPsycho 5

Friday 26 August 2011 2:54

What's that?? Their life?? I dont like that, maybe a favorite toy, or tv privelidges.

AdriTheCutie 0

Monday 22 August 2011 23:17

Today's my bday too!

BelleBelle_fml 11

Tuesday 23 August 2011 1:09

Happy Birthday! Ahh to be 15 again...enjoy it while it lasts! :)

BrianAlarcon 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 1:26

Happy B-Day!(:

phoebe333 2

Tuesday 23 August 2011 4:30

Happy Birthday!!

Smittyb24 4

Monday 22 August 2011 23:23

happy birthday!

mohammadkm95 6

Monday 22 August 2011 23:25

YDI for not taking care of those keys

MernieAnne 0

Monday 22 August 2011 23:27

Tell them that Christmas has been canceled.

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Awkward Health Healthy Lifestyle Ironic Food Family Money Birthday Mother in law Gifts Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 375

Today, I broke a world record on third-wheeling with my friend and his girlfriend. As we were driving back from the beach, I took a nap and woke up to my friend receiving head in the front seat. They knew I was awake, but they continued and finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 702

You deserved it 1 016

The Top

Today, my mom told me the night before our school trip that I’m not going so she could get a refund. Now I have to stay alone with my mom for a week, while my friends are having the time of their life in NYC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 117

Today, it's been 14 years since at our wedding my now-husband lost the wedding ring, and we had to rush to buy another, which delayed the wedding and cost us our honeymoon flight and thousands of extra pounds. I just got his old suit out to dry clean. The missing ring was in its box, in his jacket. I'm going to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 252

Today, I got snowed in. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 019

You deserved it 2 919

Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 047

You deserved it 32 396

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 155

Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 930

You deserved it 1 208

Same thing different taste

Partyblocked

Drive

Lower your expectations

Top comments

Comments