Health: Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that... - FML

By Username - 03/05/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 34 430

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 505

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 284

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 072

You deserved it 7 395

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 295

You deserved it 8 131

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 811

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 2 553

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 182

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 569

You deserved it 58 686

New day, same shit

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 900

You deserved it 8 652

Next

Top comments

griffin4 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:17

like the penguin. he too waddles

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

Comments

j_cat187 19

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:11

yo momas so fat when she fell asleep on the curb, she receved a parking ticket.

ddot 2

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:18

hey it's a reason...

Kyze_Ninja 10

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:29

Nice picture, adding Osama Bin Laden's head was a good touch.

jtsmanj 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:29

did he died?

braveblade74 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:47

So what, your health wasn't a valid enough reason?

leeshxx 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:50

yes? so they just wanted to say boners name and nothing else?

teedygee 2

Wednesday 4 May 2011 6:52

I'm hoping they realize that the "walk" turns to "don't walk" about halfway through someone getting across in any case...so that there's enough time for people who've begun to get across before the light turns red on them & the other turns green.

HahaYDI 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:23

Rule number one: cardio. Good idea to lose the weight now. If I learned anything from Zombieland it's that the fatties are the first to go.

OceanProtection 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:31

hey!! Blondie! How's it going... :)

leeshxx 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 7:34

just don't I am giving you a chance here

7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Birthday Relatable Abuse Money Scams Social Media Kids School Education Parents Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 229

Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 2 046

The Top

Today, my wife told me to stop talking about my depression, in case the neighbours hear and think she’s a bad wife for not being able to keep me happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 108

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 912

You deserved it 31 004

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 284

You deserved it 3 660

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 607

You deserved it 2 161

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 793

You deserved it 2 133

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 529

You deserved it 3 050