Health: Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that...

By Username - 03/05/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason I chose to lose weight is that I can never cross the crosswalk fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 34 431

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Same thing different taste

Strange metric

By Anonymous - 03/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 506

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 284

Boozehound

By sad fat drunk - 25/05/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 462

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 072

You deserved it 7 397

By anonymous - 25/07/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 295

You deserved it 8 131

By CreeptacularBait - 27/05/2018 19:00

Today, after over a month of running to lose weight, I can’t walk without crying from the shooting pain in my legs. My husband is upset that I won’t go to the grocery store, make his lunch, or go hiking with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 812

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 2 553

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 16/03/2022 12:00

Today, trying to get into shape because I run out of breath after walking more than 30 minutes, I started to hit the gym. Too bad my legs didn’t want to cooperate and decided that it would cause limping-worthy pain for every step I took on the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 182

By Lou - 01/06/2010 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 570

You deserved it 58 687

New day, same shit

By PickYourselfUp - 06/10/2014 03:17 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 901

You deserved it 8 654

griffin4 0

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:17

like the penguin. he too waddles

marijuanasmoker4 3

Wednesday 4 May 2011 0:22

You could gain more weight, and just roll across the crosswalk.

Comments

oakshire 0

Monday 13 June 2011 16:52

Another option: stop walking and take the car instead.

tifferhenry 0

Saturday 9 July 2011 9:27

lololololol

quotechica 3

Monday 14 November 2011 2:56

Well hhey whatever motivates u thats fine at least ur makin a healthy change

Cowman2124 0

Monday 20 February 2012 9:24

no one ever makes it across before it changes

ChelsiiBabee 5

Wednesday 16 May 2012 14:42

People in Australia can't, they give you like 5 seconds to walk 20 meters across a highway!

frankthewaffle 6

Tuesday 9 October 2012 5:53

Wow. U must be fat.....

soldierofchrist 8

Thursday 25 July 2013 5:32

Leave the big kid alone! He's got enough on his plate. Lol

quinn1184 25

Saturday 27 July 2013 5:00

to get to mcdonalds?

itssnotfunny 24

Wednesday 22 October 2014 20:36

which cares the reason, man. As long as something is motivating you

pablo8 8

Thursday 30 April 2015 22:51

Whatever motivates you?

Keywords

Management Work Jealousy Love Relatable Mental health Relationship advice Awkward Friends Miscellaneous Healthy Lifestyle Health Ironic Food Gifts Mother in law Birthday Family Money Parents Public freakouts Education Students Exams Pranks Weird Argument AITA Insects Fear

The Top

Today, my cat tried to look out my bedroom window. To do so, she tried to stand on my air conditioner. She was unsuccessful in that endeavor, almost knocking my TV over and fucking up the side panel. Now there's an opening in my window that I can't close up. Guess I'll take the AC out and shut the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 92

Today, while fighting unemployment and an visible abscess on my neck, I was cajoled into attending my Mom's birthday party. I spent the entire time at the restaurant trying to hide an oozing sore with a bandage, eating partially edible food. The cost? $40 I can't afford to spend on food not worth $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 97

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 641

You deserved it 4 156

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 134

You deserved it 5 691

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 353

You deserved it 5 036

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 585

You deserved it 16 951

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 028

You deserved it 9 197

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 616

You deserved it 1 976