Intimacy: Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever...

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 581

You deserved it 23 395

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Same thing different taste

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 208

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 893

You deserved it 4 166

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 586

You deserved it 22 035

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 346

You deserved it 3 262

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 2 513

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 827

You deserved it 609

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 4 984

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

Jaws

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Cebu City

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 77

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 703

You deserved it 4 858

quantumoftruth 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:05

did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard

ZiggyMorrison 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:04

hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?

Comments

Rok_fml 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:01

What were you doing to the ant?

hattrick0313 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:02

ha ants to bit dbag. they sting.

KenMcGormick 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:05

AHHHAHAHA

Fanoodle 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:20

Oh jeez why am i laughing!?

videogame_loser 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:33

Dude, I feel your pain. I got one in my bathing suit while swimming at the community pool once and it bit me on the dick. That shit hurts

lems18902 1

Monday 27 April 2009 18:41

Yea - this one is a very age dependent FML...13=not an FML at all; while 31=FML all the way.

FreedomFirst 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:14

Technically, I believe ants use "mandibles" to bite.

mattmag 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:15

#19 you've got it all wrong. they are the best kind of fml!

Musik_00 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:32

BETTER! Just Wait Till Yur Married ... Stay Awy From The GREY AREA!

GoFigureAgain 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:32

Rather an ant than your aunt

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Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 184

Today, I got called in for a second job interview for a position I'd applied for. When I met the interviewer, she smiled and told me to have a seat. She pulls out her phone and says, “So, care to explain this?” It was one of my TikToks from ages ago of me singing the "N-word" over and over again. I forgot I had that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 950

The Top

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 495

You deserved it 74 224

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 194

You deserved it 8 199

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 843

You deserved it 2 484

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 742

You deserved it 4 260

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 3 200

Today, as I was excited to celebrate our second anniversary, I paid for my girlfriend's 3 hour trip down and dinner, only for her to come over, break up with me and then leave. Her Instagram story later: "Don't let anything spoil your mood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 93

Same thing different taste

Sneaky

Jaws

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