Kids, Relatable, Parents and Conspiracy theorist: Survivor

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 894

You deserved it 2 676

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Get in, kid

By -__- - 28/10/2011 11:50 - Australia

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 2 592

By Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 789

You deserved it 1 686

Don't drink and DIY

By bob the builders pissed off daughter - 29/12/2015 23:52 - United States - Campbell

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 029

You deserved it 1 399

By Rapunzel - 18/03/2012 20:02 - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 112

You deserved it 3 064

By wtf - 30/05/2012 21:34 - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 500

You deserved it 2 109

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 127

Crisis control

By Cuntlette - 11/04/2014 16:38 - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 564

You deserved it 3 370

Mid-life crisis

By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 911

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 20:19 - United States - Renton

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 717

You deserved it 2 218

By fuckbucket14 - 14/04/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 925

You deserved it 12 131

snakerake 10

Tuesday 22 November 2011 1:56

I thought a mid-life crisis was when a person tried to recapture their youth, not just being a crazy person.

dragonstrike94 8

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:00

Hey don't joke about that "they" might hear you

Comments

holdenthemonkey 3

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:12

Please give your dad a couple of messages for me; 1. Let him know I am always watching him 2. The side window doesn't lock 3. Stop wearing the superman boxers...they've had it 4. Lastly I'll stop by sometime in the next 3 days between 3am and 5am to leave him a 'gift' .... See ya soon

melantysaurus 3

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:44

Love it!

JsSWAN 1

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:15

It sounds more like he is preparing for a zombie apocalypse then anything else

ferrettamer 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:19

You can't say conspiracy theories are bullshit, though what he is doing is a little over the top.

TipOfTheHat 10

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:23

We're watching you!

perdix 29

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:23

Tell him not to worry. The Illuminati and the Bildebergers are going to kick Freemason ass! They're the ones that are running the microchips implanted in our heads. He needs to start having fun with his mid-life crisis and frequent places where young women are served alcohol.

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:28

Oh noo!

bad_chiquita 5

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:29

You and your family are well prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. Can I stay at your house when undead shit goes down?

FlyingWhisps 5

Tuesday 22 November 2011 2:30

You say "bullshit", I say "smart". I would do the same thing if I got a phone call from a restricted number describing what I'm doing at the moment to me. You never know these days...