Intimacy: Hands on the wheel

Hands on the wheel

By Username - 05/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 962

You deserved it 12 660

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Same thing different taste

By Victoria - 21/10/2010 18:10 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 841

You deserved it 48 313

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 4 788

By Whoops - 28/01/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 462

You deserved it 36 461

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00 - India

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 277

Hogs gone wild

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 286

You deserved it 4 336

By thebickster - 06/03/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 571

You deserved it 49 761

By Sarah-D - 29/07/2016 05:31

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 254

You deserved it 2 253

By sufia - 29/09/2016 11:14 - Pakistan

Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 345

You deserved it 1 170

Hey you

By pappy - 03/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 309

By suzanneallen - 11/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 127

You deserved it 40 939

ollie179 21

Wednesday 5 October 2011 8:40

What's this? A gun? A knife? You people make me sick. It must be a gun, it has a sort of rounded tip. Wait...hang on. My mistake...

RockstarRN 10

Wednesday 5 October 2011 8:37

Just be honest. If it was a guy cop he would probably understand why you were rushing. Hope it was worth the ticket!

Comments

krysxkatastrophe 14

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:10

Should have winked at him.

thatgirlinoregon 21

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:23

I wonder if OP got off?

onorexveritas 23

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:40

you should've told him its just as dangerous as any other weapon and that he should confiscate it too ;) lol

matt5217 4

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:45

lawls

VenomSiphon 13

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:45

I hope there wasn't any unlawful entry.

s24sammy 8

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:48

lmao

DomoLaDii 8

Wednesday 5 October 2011 13:51

hahas wud did the cop say bout that?

professorxfm 7

Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:03

Was he hot?

h0ward076 0

Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:17

whatever it takes to avoid that ticket.. ;)

RainbowHeadache 2

Wednesday 5 October 2011 14:18

Soooo.... He DID find a weapon. :| Weapon of ass destruction? D:

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weird Shopping My ex Awkward Family Relatable Racism Love Kids AITA Cheating Work Break-ups Animals Cute Cats Sex Intimacy Relationship advice Coworkers Alcohol Psychology Health Mental health Neighbours Cops Scary Stressed out Parents

The Top

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 19 597

Today, the bank called to ask when were we going to make the mortgage payments for our family home. We were several months late. I had been transferring my mother the cash to make the mortgage payments after she lost her money gambling. She absolutely promised she would stop several months ago. I guess she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 623

The Top

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 187

You deserved it 9 038

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 856

You deserved it 3 109

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 2 342

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 860

You deserved it 30 948

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 2 347

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 2 539