Wanker and Intimacy: Crank - FML

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 719

You deserved it 21 473

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Same thing different taste

Let it out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 1 538

Cranking

By Anonymous - 21/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Corvallis

Spicy

Today, I cried while masturbating because I genuinely couldn't think of a single person that would fuck me in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 340

By jakeeey - 18/01/2013 01:16 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 175

You deserved it 10 920

By crier - 27/08/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Spicy

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 598

You deserved it 12 449

Cranking

By Lonely Wanker - 26/02/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 359

By anonymous - 20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 247

You deserved it 4 728

By Hammy - 25/11/2014 02:17 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 733

You deserved it 3 834

Love Story

By Anonymous - 16/12/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 1 788

The Crying Game

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 12:00

Today, I noticed that my weekend hobby is crying. I live in a city where I don't have a single friend or relative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 240

By lonely. - 15/08/2012 16:46 - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 8 917

Next

Top comments

phantumgrey 6

Friday 29 March 2013 12:02

Watch **** and then you'll be in an orgy. No more forever alone

horrorfield 6

Friday 29 March 2013 12:09

That happens to me too :( except I AM a little bitch. Probably why I'm lonely..

Comments

erichsalvesen 13

Friday 29 March 2013 22:26

Give me a call ;)

perdix 29

Friday 29 March 2013 22:56

Don't grip it so tightly!

JessStyles 12

Friday 29 March 2013 23:12

Try not to be so hard on yourself

Jharrist89 12

Friday 29 March 2013 23:24

Get a Pocket Pu$$y.

jnaples 3

Saturday 30 March 2013 0:22

Perhaps you should try homosexuality. Good luck. You need it. Really

MillerBeerTime 5

Saturday 30 March 2013 0:27

Just do what I do and keep a **** buddy around then when you use them up, just cut communication off completely! Vwahlah, no commitment!

Dcm210 19

Saturday 30 March 2013 0:35

We've all been there, I hope everything works in your favor.

Burton_Forever 23

Saturday 30 March 2013 1:15

Do something about it go out and have fun! Go hang out with friends!

ketchuplover 7

Saturday 30 March 2013 1:26

I thought I was the only one.. It's good to know I am not the only one who does this..

Hawaii84 16

Saturday 30 March 2013 3:14

Is time to put yourself out there and go meet new people. Is not hard to meet new people just find groups for things that interest you or go clubbing or any other social activity. There is someone for everyone out there just go look.

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 374

Today, I went to Tiffany's to exchange a bracelet my boyfriend had given me for our year anniversary. It was the first gift that he actually spent money on me for. The sales lady then told me that the bracelet was not a real Tiffany's item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 800

You deserved it 21 260

The Top

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 351

You deserved it 217

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 317

You deserved it 74 510

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 5 814

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 2 945

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 924

You deserved it 32 589

Today, I had a one night stand. While lying next to him afterwards, he nervously said, "Listen, I, uh... I bought this when I was drunk." I wasn't really sure what he referred to until I realized: the bed sheets. The Twilight bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 811