Can't be bothered, TBH

By bummer.. - 02/03/2013 06:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML
I agree, your life sucks 36 953
You deserved it 5 801
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Top comments

hellobobismyname 24

I may be wrong about this so anyone is free to correct me, but I think that's reasonable grounds for divorce. If you wanted kids and he knew that, and he fooled you about wanting them himself, then that's an enormous problem. I hope you don't feel like there's nothing you can do now. No man can take motherhood away from you. I say try to work things out and find out why he suddenly changed his mind, but if he lied just to get you to marry him then please leave. That's just so disrespectful..

354 7
SoMuchWut 8

I think dying would ruin his life too. So he's screwed either way.

259 4

Comments

perdix 29

Becoming a father completely transforms a man's life. For many, it is the most fulfilling, joyous and rewarding thing we ever do in our lives. I tell my daughter on her birthday that it is like a second birthday to me, too. I feel that when she was born, I was born again, and I barely remember my life before that. I'm sorry that your husband turned out to be a selfish pig who saw that transformation as ruination. Move out today and start looking for a real man while your eggs are still fresh.

24 5
Aregonde 15

If you wanted kids, you procreated in self-interest. You are no less selfish than someone who honors his or her own desire to not have kids. When it comes to your genes and your future, you have every damn right to be selfish. But do make sure you and your partner both want the same things.

7 3
perdix 29

#100, it is much less selfish to have kids than to not do so. Just because both choices involve self-interest doesn't mean they are morally equivalent. I've created another self and devote a lot of my resources to her instead of using them myself. Nevertheless, the worst part of this story is that the pig apparently deceived the OP about his attitude toward children during their courtship.

6 5
OverBlossomed 21

What a small world you live in. How is it less selfish to have kids than not to? You're creating a dependent human being because YOU want to. There are countless people who have children and end up abusing or even murdering them. Are those people still less selfish? Being aware that you're not suited for parenthood is in no way selfish. It's better than sentencing a child a miserable upbringing. There are other ways to devote time, money and resources besides having kids. Many of my schoolteachers didn't have kids. I wouldn't dare call them selfish. Sheesh. What on Earth will you think of your daughter if she decides not to have kids? Poor her.

4 0
OverBlossomed 21

What a small world you live in. How is it less selfish to have kids than not to? You're creating a dependent human being because YOU want to. There are countless people who have children and end up abusing or even murdering them. Are those people still less selfish? There are also thousands of kids already in existence and up for adoption. Being aware that you're not suited for parenthood is in no way selfish. It's better than sentencing a child to a miserable upbringing. There are other ways to devote time, money and resources besides having kids. Many of my schoolteachers didn't have kids. I wouldn't dare call them selfish. I have friends who were born to parents who didn't want them. They all left home as soon as they coudl and went FAR away from their parents. One of my friends was suicidal for a period and her parents did little more than call her crazy. She is alright now, but she still says she would've preferred if her parents didn't have her and she's decided she doesn't want her own because she doesn't to repeat that cycle. More selfish than her parents, huh? Sheesh. What on Earth will you think of your daughter if she decides not to have kids? Poor her.

1 0
CupOTea666 9

It depends on how old you are, if you're like 24-7 or whatever then it probably would bet if you're over 30..... lets just say that there a condom that needs to be popped

0 16
Jenn50 19

Okay, I can't even understand most of what you said, and the part I CAN understand is despicable.

8 1
alexfreddy26 5

That's when you tell him you're taking birth control even though you're not. But jk, that's wrong too. Lol

0 8
Bicko2004 25

If you really want children and he does not then dump him and move on, he married you on a lie.

4 1
Ameel_fml 19

And if he is willing to lie about something as important as children, imagine what else he has (or will) lie about. Get out as soon as you can, OP.

3 1
oathkeeper77 5

This might be hopeful thinking, but he probably will change his mind. My dad didn't want kids, and my mom really wanted them, but alas, he decided it wouldn't be too bad and now I and my sister are here. It took him a few years, but there's really no need to rush into having children. Working on your relationship is the best part for a marriage.

2 5
mokielove 10

if he lied about wanting kids. what else has he lied about..

5 1
houTeacher 2

Many guys feel this way prior to having their first. I certainly did. It's part of growing out of your "me-first" mindset. Once you do have a child, though, things get so much better. You actually grow up a lot and learn to live for somebody besides yourself. It's a great thing.

2 7
Fsvb 32

I think you should do that before getting the child. What if you don't change or grow up? I know a lot of men who already know they want children and are mature enough for it and I think that is the way it should be.

4 0
Fsvb 32

Exactly, and that is why you don't get a child and THEN see 'Hmm, is this for me, or not?'

1 0
satanisthesavior 21

FYL, but I agree with the guy. Children are assholes, and my girlfriend fortunately shares this view with me. Children are nothing but a waste of money and time. I understand that having kids can be a good lifetime experience and all, but it's not one that I think is worth the effort (and as for "carrying on the family name" and all, who gives a shit?). However, unlike that guy, I've always been honest about this view. I've never told someone that I think kids are great just because it's what they want to hear. You should get a divorce. That bastard lied to you.

9 7
marcranger 28

I agree with your husband that kids would ruin my life. I work with elementary school-aged + kids, and the nice part is that I can give them back to their parents at the end of the day. Infants and toddlers, however, disgust me so much that I can't fathom holding one for thirty seconds, let alone prolonged periods of time for years. But unlike your husband, I'm very up-front about this. I make sure my dates know right off the bat that I'm not having children and not changing my mind. There are people who know deep-down they want kids and others who know just as well they don't, and you and your husband are on opposing sides. It sounds like your husband hoped you would change your mind, which makes him either really stupid or really manipulative and not worth staying married to regardless. Good luck, OP. At least the court system will agree that you have solid grounds for annulment or divorce.

6 1