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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29334) - you deserved it (11521)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36597) - you deserved it (6869)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

#21244619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32639) - you deserved it (5963)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:08pm - animals - by notmyrealname123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38010) - you deserved it (5043)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

#21237384
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39238) - you deserved it (5158)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:06am - animals - by hopeless romantic - United States (Ohio)

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

#21236316
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39447) - you deserved it (8429) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2014 at 12:28am - animals - by Muwz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

#21232602
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33585) - you deserved it (7821)

On 08/08/2014 at 3:34pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

#21231104
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36595) - you deserved it (6186)

On 08/06/2014 at 5:35pm - animals - by chynna (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36134) - you deserved it (3865)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

#21225823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36688) - you deserved it (4078)

On 07/31/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

#21222166
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37764) - you deserved it (4825)

On 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm - animals - by Anonymous - Germany (Hessen)

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

#21220246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38697) - you deserved it (6644)

On 07/25/2014 at 11:54am - animals - by shewhopoopsinlitterboxes (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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