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Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28960) - you deserved it (7811)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Willibobs's comment : Think 'sick freaks' is taking it a bit too far. I'm more offended by your judgement of them as opposed to their conversation.

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Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

#21374998
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37774) - you deserved it (1813)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm - kids - by pledonasm (man) - India (Maharashtra)

WCARlover's comment : It's such a sad and messed up world when a father can't take his own child to a park without being accused of something so horrendous.

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Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML

#21374975
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71) - you deserved it (2335)

On 03/15/2015 at 11:01am - health - by lordtimbit - Canada (Alberta)

IvyOswin's comment : Remind her that paying for a little more water is better than paying hospital bills for head trauma.

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Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

#21374972
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28476) - you deserved it (2970)

On 03/15/2015 at 10:57am - health - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my four-year-old. She has some issues with wetting the bed, so I told her that if she wasn't sure if she was dreaming about "going", she should pinch herself to make sure she's awake. In the produce section, she pinched herself, smiled proudly, and peed. FML

#21374802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60) - you deserved it (4138)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:23am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (380) - you deserved it (10163)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22633) - you deserved it (15257)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

#21374413
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30028) - you deserved it (2213)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

#21374314
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you deserved it (2515)

On 03/14/2015 at 7:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

#21374265
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29428) - you deserved it (6495)

On 03/14/2015 at 4:22am - intimacy - by sa la vash (woman) - Netherlands

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

#21374172
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33) - you deserved it (7144)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:27am - misc - by thecarisfine (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today". I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

#21374151
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27363) - you deserved it (2543)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:52pm - health - by minty - United States

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29659) - you deserved it (2438)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -



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