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Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

#6679644
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7907) - you deserved it (68380)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm - love - by ouch (man) - United States (California)

awesome_o's comment : YDI for calling them dingleberries

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Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

#6679301
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30041) - you deserved it (2158)

On 12/09/2009 at 11:31am - love - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dog received a christmas card before I did. FML

#6678775
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26994) - you deserved it (2960)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:33am - animals - by amywee (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

#6677904
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45782) - you deserved it (21847)

On 12/09/2009 at 8:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Brukernavn's comment : Note to self: Don't marry while still a horny teenager.

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Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

#6677615
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33279) - you deserved it (2341)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:31am - love - by im_not_me (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

#6677293
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25483) - you deserved it (4651)

On 12/09/2009 at 6:13am - work - by okaythen6 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

#6676757
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (4217)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by dfkjhregoiuberiug (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

#6676625
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10146) - you deserved it (15339)

On 12/09/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Violated (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

#6676147
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43360) - you deserved it (2672)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)

Volcomrox2266's comment : awe poor guy I wish I could give him a hug :(

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Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

#6674667
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (4725)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by notalcoholic (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

#6674609
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30961) - you deserved it (5510)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:25am - health - by somechick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

#6674325
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11362) - you deserved it (25627)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:07am - animals - by poohead (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

#6671880
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23837) - you deserved it (1817)

On 12/08/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by HoHoSnow (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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