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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

#6066680
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33492) - you deserved it (2124)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:25am - love - by ZPyRoGoDz (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

#6066504
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32294) - you deserved it (7304)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6350) - you deserved it (47395)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

#6065888
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (1861)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

#6065412
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (5950)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by effinit (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (2179)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

#6064494
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (1691)

On 10/29/2009 at 11:35pm - work - by SM (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

#6062810
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39133) - you deserved it (3403)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:00pm - misc - by Bummer - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22862) - you deserved it (6984)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to stay after school to make up for a test. When I got outside, I saw my mom wasn't there to pick me up. I called her and she explained that there was an emergency. I walked six miles home to see that the emergency was that Ellen had Taylor Swift today and she couldn't miss it. FML

#6060393
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28623) - you deserved it (2497)

On 10/29/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML

#6060291
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42492) - you deserved it (2457)

On 10/29/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Allie (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

#6057828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5601) - you deserved it (62487)

On 10/29/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

#6057251
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26071) - you deserved it (2412)

On 10/29/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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