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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

#4981586
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12038) - you deserved it (40522)

On 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by becca1417 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML

#4978107
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42882) - you deserved it (8117)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

#4977727
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40493) - you deserved it (2776)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - animals - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17719) - you deserved it (350278)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

jereka05's comment : YDI - Make your own freaking sandwiches

See all the comments →

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

#4975904
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52435) - you deserved it (3973)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:48pm - money - by adriana (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

#4975580
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12188) - you deserved it (42083)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

#4974765
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13320) - you deserved it (43215)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML

#4974670
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6774) - you deserved it (61928)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my landlord asked to borrow my truck to move some furniture. When she returned it, I noticed she had filled the gas tank up. I thanked her for doing so, and she handed me the receipt and said "just add it to next month's rent". FML

#4974639
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41825) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/01/2009 at 11:07am - money - by overdriven07 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I finally got the courage to go up and ask out the girl I have loved for a couple of months now. After she said yes, I was over the moon and ran home to tell my roommate. The next day, I saw her making out with another man. When I confronted her, she said "Oh, you were serious yesterday?" FML

#4973431
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44819) - you deserved it (3682)

On 09/01/2009 at 8:52am - love - by lovesucks (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

#4972941
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36884) - you deserved it (4775)

On 09/01/2009 at 7:44am - work - by spinner (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I'm being evicted from my apartment for not paying rent. My father is the on-site landlord. Meaning I now have to move my stuff downstairs into his place and hear every day how I'm a failure. FML

#4971137
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13146) - you deserved it (40522)

On 09/01/2009 at 3:30am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

#4970470
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38374) - you deserved it (14360)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:30am - health - by pussyOUT (man) - United States



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