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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

#3874570
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9432) - you deserved it (54241)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:45am - love - by DramaQueen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting in line with a friend, and she poked my stomach and said, "I wish I had your stomach." I asked her why. She said, "Boys wouldn't flirt with me." FML

#3872340
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41976) - you deserved it (4591)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Pusillanimous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I told my mom that I was going to come back home at 3:00 a.m. At 3:15 a.m., my mom comes to the club, with 2 cops, wearing pyjamas, shouting my name and telling me to come back home. FML

#3872316
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49453) - you deserved it (18635)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by marcelop - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, my cat came through my window, holding a dead rat in her mouth and dropped it in my pile of clothes. I then asked my dad if he could get the dead rat out of my room. After looking for an hour, he couldn't find it. Guess the rat wasn't dead after all. FML

#3868753
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34491) - you deserved it (2599)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:12pm - animals - by omgjessp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

#3867495
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43725) - you deserved it (15173)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by preggersss (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

tttron's comment : judgemental bitch

See all the comments →

Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

#3866065
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25962) - you deserved it (58208)

On 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by harrysolo (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

#3863732
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45552) - you deserved it (12021)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by blackntangirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

#3862614
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41781) - you deserved it (5757)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by xobeachbabi428ox - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

#3861516
366 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68593) - you deserved it (7333)

On 07/18/2009 at 5:35pm - misc - by overachiever - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. On our way to the Space Needle I was pulled over and promptly arrested. Apparently, I had recently purchased a car from a man who had robbed a jewelery store. The ring is now evidence. FML

#3860053
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52697) - you deserved it (2710)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:19pm - love - by diamondsareforever (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

#3859879
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46918) - you deserved it (2377)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:10pm - work - by justdoingmyjob (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

#3859310
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37829) - you deserved it (2969)

On 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm - work - by startingover (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48037) - you deserved it (3252)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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