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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

#5894935
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7604) - you deserved it (55456)

On 10/19/2009 at 11:42am - love - by DrunkGirl - Sent from mobile version

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

#5893479
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57914) - you deserved it (3639)

On 10/19/2009 at 7:50am - misc - by cc10 (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

#5892629
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42862) - you deserved it (8809)

On 10/19/2009 at 4:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

#5892198
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18145) - you deserved it (5465)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Shower? - Sent from mobile version

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

#5892074
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47255) - you deserved it (2877)

On 10/19/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Indonesia (Jawa Timur)

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly runs across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family that owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

#5891764
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33398) - you deserved it (5116)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:40am - animals - by JC - United States (California)

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

#5891401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32974) - you deserved it (3645)

On 10/19/2009 at 2:08am - work - by worldsbestjobgonebad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

#5890926
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44601) - you deserved it (2477)

On 10/19/2009 at 1:34am - love - by Ryanissaur (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19013) - you deserved it (2381)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an 'accident' in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

#5889597
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31633) - you deserved it (2878)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

#5888357
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39763) - you deserved it (2226)

On 10/18/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by NUsConstantine (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

#5887611
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38603) - you deserved it (7819)

On 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm - kids - by MGZ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

noshitsherlock's comment : WOW. Since it was so fucking important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.

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Today, at work this woman came up to my counter and handed me gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

#5886386
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19259) - you deserved it (15225)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:38pm - work - by moduschic (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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