Brisbane, Australia 31 years-old
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, I'm a 23 year-old girl who often has to wear two pairs of socks. I don't have four feet, but I have no boobs. FML
Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML
Today, the guy I've secretly been in love with for years told me how hot my brother is. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML
Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML
Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML
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